Time for More Humor - Andy Rooney Style

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Levity for all - take a break and read - you're not all that important....:-) ___________________________________________________________

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.

It's a very strange name they picked for "Social Security." For what they actually send you, you can't afford to be "social" nor can you really feel "secure."

Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

When you're swimming in the creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

I wished the buck stopped here. I could use a few.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

There now, don't we all feel better??

Deano

-- Deano (deano@luvthebeach.com), January 25, 2001

Answers

LOL Deano!! The last one is hilarious. And the one about lining up all the cars -- the idiot who would try to pass them lives here in LV I'm sure.

Here's another good one:

Get your mob names here!

-- (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), January 25, 2001.


Taps Pats shoulders....hey Pat,

My mob name is Pants?

Um, going back to site to figure out why?

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), January 26, 2001.


I'm "Lonely Guy" and the wife is "The Bishop".

I'm not even sure I want to figure that one out.......too funny!

Deano

-- Deano (deano@luvthebeach.com), January 26, 2001.


"The Pope" or "The Butcher" or "Three Fingers" here (depends on which version of my first name I use).

I'm thinking of going with "The Pope".

-- The Pope (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), January 26, 2001.


(Peg).."The Umpire" or (Peggy).."The Grown Up"

I think I'll keep "The Umpire"...you're out...strike three and all that...heh!

-- Peg (pegmcleod@mediaone.net), January 26, 2001.



I am "dreamboat". I tried it twice just to make sure it wasn't cranking out random answers. Same thing.

But I don't want to be "dreamboat". Sounds like a sissy wise-guy.

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), January 26, 2001.


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