How to speak about a man or a womanHow to speak about a man or a woman

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB - she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND - she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION
6. She is not an AIRHEAD - she is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
9. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
10. She does not NAG - she becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
11. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
12. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
13. She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIALRELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK - he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIALINVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - he has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

Things that a woman can say to a naked man!

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird.

-- Cherri (jessam5@home.com), January 17, 2001

Answers

Cherri,

Got some good chuckles.. hee hee!

-- Peg (pegmcleod@mediaone.net), January 17, 2001.

Cherri...

So which is it? Size does or doesn't matter? Never mind, we can't handle the truth...

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), January 17, 2001.

Put me down for #7, yeah the chemically challenged one.

um, well you 'know' which one i mean :-)

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), January 17, 2001.

Uncle Bob, Yea ...men cannot handle the answer. But some men who are big assume thats all that matters and do not bother doing anything that women want, so it is a waste, kinda like how some women are "stacked" and are lousy in bed too. It really does matter how they go about it, what is lacking in size can be compensated for by skill, the effort some big men put forward can be done by an inanimate object just as well. Not all apply to all, it is the individual and what they do with what they have, same as with women (although some men wouldn't notice one way ot the other). Women can fake it a hell of a lot better then men.

-- Cherri (jessam5@home.com), January 17, 2001.

My coworker bought in a magazine in which someone wrote a question for a sex therapist. The woman stated her husband has a 1 and 1/2 inch penis WHEN ERECT!!!

Now I ask.....is size important? HELL yeah in her case.

Its not the meat its the motion is a true statement, UNLESS the meat is smaller than a vienna sausage? :-)

Sumer, who cant believe I just wrote this. ewww

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), January 17, 2001.

A friend of mine wants to know if average is good enough? Let me know so I can tell him...

;-)

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), January 17, 2001.

ROFL, eh, um , tell him "i dunno".

ROFLMAO......sheesh, What a sense of humor you have there mr. wolf ;-0

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), January 17, 2001.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN

Oh, just a hint of racism Cherri? Tsk tsk tsk.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), January 17, 2001.