(OT) Tips for Police Interaction

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I got this humorous piece in my email last night from a member of a Ferrari car club:

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER...

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer, O.K., big fella? 2. Aren't you the queer from the Village People? 3. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Helluva job! 4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. Look at you. 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), January 16, 2001

Answers

good 1 antee

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), January 16, 2001.

LOL, A.B.!!

And depending on what part of the country you get stopped, some of these may be worse than others :-)

-- (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), January 16, 2001.


The one I used on occasion in my youth, and which brought me nothing but grief (DUH!) was the following:

Why don't you get a real fuckin' job?

The funniest result of the use of this brilliant remark came when the officer, a desk sargent who was out on patrol probably to fulfill some sort of retirement requirement, had pulled me for speeding on a local raod. He wrote up the ticket and tossed it into the driver's side window. It landed in the back seat. See, I had been jaw-boning him the entire time and he'd had enough.

He waited for me to pull off the shoulder and into traffic, then threw on his lights and announced over the PA that I was to stop right where I was. This meant I had to stop in the middle of the road. He called in backup and waited for them.

When they arrived, he told them I refused to move my vehicle from the road. I was issued a second ticket, this one for impeding the flow of traffic! The bastard set me up. Not that I blame him.

Hardhead that I was, I fought the 'impeding' ticket. No Attorney represented me. I was cash-challenged at the time. I appeared in court and waited for my case to be called. And waited. And waited. The judge held my case for last. The courtroom consisted of me, half a dozen grinning cops in uniforms, the judge & a couple courtroom workers.

I was in big trouble. Every word out of my mouth was met with hysterical laughter from the cops. I not only lost the case but received a contempt of court citation to boot. Seems I had, er, lost my temper a might. I came within ONE remark of spending the night in jail.

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), January 16, 2001.


Ah, memories of a mis-spent youth.

(And aren't we ALL glad those days are gone?!?!)

-- (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), January 16, 2001.


My eyes need to be checked. I looked at the subject line of this thread and thought I saw--Q Tips for Police Interaction

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), January 16, 2001.


TRUE STORY...

I was pulled over on a freeway by a deputy sheriff.

Bad thing to say "Oh I didnt think you had any jurisdiction to pull me over, after all you arent a police officer".

Am I dumb or what?

Thank GOD he knew my brother and let me go:-)

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), January 17, 2001.


Not a new joke, but relevant--

A fellow in his 40's buys a new mercedes and decides to test it out on the freeway. He is running about 80MPH with the top down and the wind blowing through his hair. All of a sudden he notices a highway patrol cruiser flashing his red lights directly behind his car. In an instant, he decides that his new mercedes can easily outrun the patrol car so he jumps the speed up to 100, then 115 and finally 125.

The patrol car is right behind him and the guy finally realizes what he has done and pulls over. The patrolman walks up to him and asks for his drivers license. He then looks at the driver and says "this is my ticket for my shift and I really hate writing up a bunch of paperwork." "If you can give me an excuse I have never heard before" I will let you off. The driver thinks for a second and says: "officer, two weeks ago my wife left me for a cop. I thought you were the cop and trying to give her back to me."

The patrolman let him go...

-- (Paracelsus@Pb.Au), January 17, 2001.


One of my favorites from the Stephen Wright thread:

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it'

-- Stephen Wright

-- Bemused (and_amazed@you.people), January 17, 2001.


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