"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

-- Cherri (jessam5@home.com), January 11, 2001

Answers

"SHADDUP!" Means: "Off with her head."

-- Henry VIII (men@behaving.badly), January 11, 2001.

"YOU THOUGHT THIS HAS BEEN JUST A DEBATE." Means: "Adios"

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), January 11, 2001.

I CAN'T FIND IT." Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

OMG!!!!! How true. Men are sooo lazy when it comes to loooking for somethin. If I say "right on top in yer sock drawer", its always "I cant find it".

I go right into bedroom, open drawer and viola.....

L A Z Y.......

Or the infamous..."I'll get it in the morning".

Morning never comes?

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), January 12, 2001.

Let's not turn a joke into a sweeping stereotype there.

-- Buddy (buddydc@go.com), January 12, 2001.

Let's not turn a joke into a sweeping stereotype there

Aww yer ass....You know it IS true.

Looks around, GRINS and runs for the fire exit. :-0

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), January 12, 2001.

sumer,

My hubby calls me "The finder of lost things"...it just amazes him how I can locate things so quickly...just a Gal thing I guess..hee hee!

-- Peg (pegmcleod@mediaone.net), January 12, 2001.

Hi Peg....From one gal to another.

Eh, we wont tell them we know they 'really' dont look :-0

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), January 12, 2001.

O.k., this thread needs some Truth.

If you ladies would just LEAVE things where they are rather than "putting away" everything in what you consider to be logical places (such as a screwdriver in the pots & pans drawer) we WOULD be able to find them. My socks are in the middle of the living room? Leave them there, and I won't have to ask where they are!

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), January 12, 2001.

Good point, Frank. Woman always seem to want to "put things places", and then get frustrated when we can't read minds.

Yes, I'm making a sexist generalization, you might as well string me up now.

They somehow get away with it. My theory? Backless gowns. They make me weak.

-- (and_amazed@you.people), January 12, 2001.

Sorry, not like me to not provide my John Hancock. That was me.

-- Bemused (and_amazed@you.people), January 12, 2001.

Bemused,

Painful but true. My marriage has been far better for me than the occasional? aggravation it causes.

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), January 12, 2001.

Speaking of putting things away, I've yet to meet a woman who was capable of routinely setting her keys down in the same place each day when she arrives home. This of course, always results in her performing a 10 minute search of the dresser, the purse, the desk, the kitchen counters, the coat pockets, the bathrooms, the end tables, etc, the next time she needs to drive somewhere. What's up with that?

-- CD (costavike@hotmail.com), January 12, 2001.

Yes you have, CD. They go right back in my bag as soon as I get in the house, so I don't have to look for them :-)

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), January 12, 2001.

, I've yet to meet a woman who was capable of routinely setting her keys down in the same place each day when she arrives home.

Like Pat said..Yes you have, CD. They go right back in my bag as soon as I get in the house....

..mine go on a hook...HAH ;)

-- Peg (pegmcleod@mediaone.net), January 12, 2001.

Patricia and Peg- LOL. Ok, I stand corrected. Perhaps I was generalizing a tad too much. Allow me to rephrase...

I've yet to date, live with or marry a woman who was capable of routinely setting her keys down in the same place each day when she arrives home. I can only hope that, someday before I die, I am fortunate enough to strike up a relationship with some sweet young lady who is as charming, as witty and, most importantly, as key- conscientious as Patricia or Peg.

-- CD (costavike@hotmail.com), January 12, 2001.

My observation is that women have a very different sense of time. The only meaning I've ever been able to derive for "soon" is "not now". This seems the universal female meaning. When a women says "soon", she's simply indicating that the time is not yet, and may never come.

As a rule of thumb, I've done well by multiplying all female time estimates under an hour by two, and all estimates over an hour by three.

-- Flint (flintc@mindspring.com), January 12, 2001.

Good point, Flint! Aint that the truth. My theory is that, with the exception of Patricia and Peg, they're all late because they're wasting time looking for their damn keys.

Great rule of thumb for estimating realistic ready times by the way. Think I'll use it.

-- CD (costavike@hotmail.com), January 12, 2001.

THE FEMINIZATION OF OUR CULTURE

-- (BetsyHart@CNN.pusswuss), January 12, 2001.