Dear Abby,

I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for rape and murder of a teenage boy in1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager.

I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the street, and hopefully the heroin.

Abby, my problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her....

Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Gore?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

-- Bosco (Bush@whitehouse.com), December 11, 2000

Answers

I believe Gore would accept your family's alternative lifestyles. He's probably start some new federal programs to assist them. \be proud of his vote.

-- Johnn Littmann (littmannj@aol.com), December 11, 2000.

His family is worse of than this one

-- Bosco (denden@home.com), December 11, 2000.

Dear Bosco,

Honesty is paramount in a relationship. Tell your fiancee everything, including your enjoyment of bestiality.

I have discussed your moving letter with my slutty, dysfunctional sister Ann Landers and she tells me that most prostitutes support Gore. There is even an organization "Whores for Gore".

Best wishes,

-- (Abby_VanBuren@the.tenderloin), December 12, 2000.