Try to "hear" the Brooklyn accent; it makes more sense.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas,
The whole house was mella
Not a creature was stirrin'
'Cus my gun was unner my pilla.

When up on da roof
I heard stompin' around
I sprung to da winda
To scream, "Yo! Keep it down!"

When what to my wonderin'
eyes should appear
But the Don of all elfs
And eight friggin' reindeer!

Wit slicked back black hair
And a red silk suit
Don Nicky was here
Wit a bag fulla loot.

Wit a slap to dere snouts
And a yank on dere manes
He cursed and he shouted
And he called 'em by name

"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie
Ay Stevie, Ay Guido!"

As I pulled out my piece
And hid by da bed
He flew troo da winda
And slapped da side o' my head.

"What the hella ya doin'?
Pullin' a gun on the Don.
Now alls you get is coal
You friggin' moron!"

Den pointin' his fat friggin' finger
Right unda my nose
He twisted his pinkie ring
And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities he was screamin'
And away dey all flew
For he troo dem a beatin'.

Den I heard him yell out,
What I least did expect
"Merry F*@kin' Christmas to all
Now youse show some respect!"

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), December 11, 2000

Answers

Yo, Don Nicky, youse stay outta North Jerssey.

-- (TonySoprano@Bada.Bing), December 11, 2000.

Yo, Tony, bada-bing, keep outta Brooklyn, ya hear me?!?! Or it WILL be "bada-bing, bada-bang, bada-you had it".

-- Patsy (Patsy@vegas.desert), December 11, 2000.

To the mattresses!

-- (Tony@bada.bing), December 11, 2000.

This is Santa and I just wanted to let you know that Christmas may be a little late this year. See after checking all the boxes and tallying them up, I found some problems with the results. The first result showed: 428,534,120 Good 428,523,119 Bad The second result showed: 428,534,118 Good 428,523,121 Bad So you see, I can't, with good faith, go out and deliver presents while knowing I could have made a mistake. Maybe Little Johnny was good for once, then again, maybe not. So, I have enlisted the help of all my elves and the Mrs. to help do a recount. We hope to have this finished up by 5pm on the 24th of December, but there is a possibility that it might take longer. You see the tally cards were not quite clear to me, although I made them my-self, I forgot what they meant. You know, Good...and Bad???

And the check marks I used were not all the same, some went left, some right, some were just a mark. Some went through both boxes, and some didn't even have much of a mark on them. I leave it up to them to decide what I meant. So if you wake up on Christmas morning, and there are no presents under your tree, at least you can tell the kids the story.

Thank you for your patience and understanding in these times,

-- CD (costavike@hotmail.com), December 11, 2000.

So much for a non-political thread.

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), December 11, 2000.

Ouch. My mistake, Patricia. I was still chuckling from your post when that corny Santa story popped up in my mailbox. Guess I wasn't thinkin' when I turned right around and pasted it to a very welcomed and very rare non-political thread. (Ok, so I'm a friggin' moron. I woul'nt blame youse a bit if youse slapped me up da side o' my head.)

-- CD (costavike@hotmail.com), December 11, 2000.

You ain't no friggin' moron -- but youse got da accident down real good ;-)

I'll learn ya ta be a New Yawka if it kills me (or you, whichever comes first).

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), December 11, 2000.

LOL Patricia! I could hear your voice when I read it!! It is tooo funny!! Thanks for the the laughs, I need it tonight!! And it will be passed to the office tomorrow!! (Discreetly of course, so as not to offend those of a sensitive nature-how's that for PC??)

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), December 12, 2000.