On Dancer, On Prancer, On...

Reindeer games

A man in Florida displays humping deer in his Christmas lawn display.

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By Jack Boulware

Dec. 8, 2000 | Kathy Poulos has a problem. Whenever the Spring Hill, Fla., mother of three leaves her house or looks out the window, she sees a Christmas lawn display of two reindeer having sex. Although the animals are merely white, wooden cutout figures, they are indeed posed, one mounted behind the other, frozen in a tableau of nostril-flaring excitement.

The man responsible for the display, Brian Long, Poulos' next-door neighbor, positioned his humping deer in good fun. But Poulos doesn't think it's funny at all, especially because school buses pass the deer twice a day.

"It's terrible," Poulos told the St. Petersburg Times. "They've got kindergartners that ride those buses. I think it's a terrible display for the holiday. That's not the first thing I want to see when I come out my front door."

Many other neighbors along Deltona Boulevard agree with her, and have complained to officials of Hernando County. Code enforcement director Frank McDowell III checked out the civic ordinances covering Christmas displays and found that the diorama doesn't violate any laws. So he cannot take legal action.

"I would hope that the individual that owns those deer would display them in a manner that's appropriate for the Christmas holiday and not in the manner that they're displayed," said McDowell, in the measured tones of a city employee.

Long, meanwhile, is enjoying the attention from his hoofed orgy, and says drivers slow down to gawk, with some even pulling into the driveway to take pictures. Schoolchildren on the buses stand up in their seats, pointing and laughing. And his son Kevin even brings friends from high school over to check out Dad's weird lawn spectacle.

"I call them dancing reindeer," Long explained. "I figured it would be a little different ... If they really come down on me hard about it, I'll take them down. Nobody's said anything to me about it."

For the time being, the festive fornication continues. Next holiday season, Long plans to add two more participants to the reindeer debauchery. "They might be voyeurs," envisioned Long, "just standing and watching."

salon.com

-- I'm Here, I'm There, (I'm Everywhere,@So.Beware), December 08, 2000

Answers

too funny, I cant beleive nobody read this......

-- (shh@aol.con), December 13, 2000.

One year for Veterans Day, my neighbors got upset with me because I put up seven plastic lawn flamingoes in spray painted camo (or as close as I could get with spray paint) arranged as a squad with a drill sergeant. The drill had a little hat on I'd gotten at the pet store and a whistle around its neck. If I can ever get my scanner to work again, I'll post a picture. It was cute as hell, but it sure made the neighbors upset. I don't know what they'd think of this guy...

-- Tarzan the Ape Man (tarzan@swingingthroughthejunglewithouta.net), December 13, 2000.

Tarz;

you are a crackup....too cute. :-)

-- (shh@aol.con), December 13, 2000.

>> But Poulos doesn't think it's funny at all, especially because school buses pass the deer twice a day. [...] "They've got kindergartners that ride those buses. [...]" <<

Aside from the fact that most kindergartners will not have the first freaking clue how to interpret that display... in my opinion it is more important to ask: how many millions of children have grown up on farms, where the animals aren't plastic and they "do it" much more explicitly? And how many of those children were harmed by watching?

-- Brian McLaughlin (brianm@ims.com), December 13, 2000.

Well, soooooo that IS my prob, heh Brian?

See, I never told nobody, but my grandma had a farm in Chattanooga Tennesee, up on Signal Mtn. And well um, ah hell, never mind.

All I'm gonna say is it was truly traumatic for me as a child.

To this day, I'm still....bbbbaaaaadddddd!

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), December 14, 2000.

OH,Good Lord!!! now I got it figured out,Sumer,you been hangin' out on a mountain in Tennessee? That's why we get along so well,besides the fact that we both dig having our attitudes adjusted and water sports!!!(BIG fuckin' grin)

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), December 14, 2000.

Born on a mountaintop in Tennessee / Greatest state in the Land of the Free / Raised in the woods, peed on ev-er-ee single tree / Humped him a b'ar, when he was only three / DAVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! DAVY CROCKETT!!...

(Is nothing sacred?)

-- Fess Parker (I'll Never Live@That.Down), December 14, 2000.