Fruitcake Recipe

1 cup water

1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups dried fruit

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup brown sugar

lemon juice

nuts

1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven.

Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.

Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

-- cin (cin@cin.cin), December 05, 2000

Answers

You have to make fruitcake? I thought it reproduced on its own. Or was the real story that there was ever only one fruitcake? I dunno. They called me a fruitcake in my day-hmmmm

-- SydBarrett (dark@side.moon), December 05, 2000.

IF it has the right amount of booze and butter, I'll sample a piece.

-- Mrs. Cleaver (Mrs. Cleaver@LITBBBB.xcom), December 05, 2000.

Looks very familiar. I think Old Git posted this about a year ago.

-- lurking (seen_@_this.before), December 06, 2000.

The old Fruitcake Resistance League.

Fruitcake Index...

#0-A: Perfect y2k food? (not for the serious)
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000FvD

#0-B: Supermarkets, Duct Tape, and Phone Gnomes (Humor)
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000W78

#0-C: Grandmama's missing check
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000GXB

#0-D: Who else got one of 10 Anti-terrorist "Units"?
(pre-beginnings of the Canadianainainan steath geeses thread)
http://greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000DfT

#1: Know Your Fruitcake! (not for the serious)
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000Imj

#2: Know your Fruitcake, the second.
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000hxd

#3: OT - Fruitcake III
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000sez

#4: Know Your Fruitcake IV (not for the serious)
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 0011dm

#5: Fruitcake V : The Return of Sue?
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 001Bli

#6: OT- FRLians Unite, members only - OT
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 001Izu

#7: OT - FRL 7
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 001Oap

#8: OT - FRL 8
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 001P4r

#9: OT-FRL #9
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 001TU6

#10: OT - FRL #10 (washing Murphy)
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 001ZPa

# 11: FRL # 11 - Lessons from the Geese
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 001gIB

# 12: FRL #12 - Natural Highs
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 001lYX

-- (F@R.L), December 06, 2000.

ewwwwwwwwwww, fruitcake. (snarls nose and rolls eyes)

yucko......

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), December 06, 2000.

frosty the snowman, a Christmas carol, and a Christmas story is on t.v., the tree is decorated, the cards are sent and received, santa makes his annual sleighride, this recipe is posted here again and again and again.

There are just some things about Christmas that never change. Get used to it. =0)

-- cin (cin@cin.cin), December 06, 2000.

cin,

My dad was a classically trained musician, among other things. One of the experiences he most detested was - after having been invited to a holiday party, the common request to play "White Christmas" {kinda like 'Melancholy Baby' - Argh}. Sorry if it sounds elitest, to me it makes absolute sense - to the effect that I can barely step into many stores this time of year, because of the maudlin SHCLOCK!

-- flora (__@__._), December 06, 2000.