If liberals ran the NBA, every starting lineup would have three women, a black man and one person with a "physical challenge."

If liberals ran the NBA, anyone who wanted to play would have a spot on the team.

If liberals ran the NBA there would be no coaches due to the outdated paternalistic model. Instead, strategy would be determined by the legislature.

If liberals ran the NBA, the basket would be lowered to four feet and widened to eliminate the stigma of missed shots.

If liberals ran the NBA, every player would get his or her own balls.

If liberals ran the NBA, the league would be managed by the federal government and "reinvent" itself every three or four years.

If liberals ran the NBA, the league would do everything but play basketball games.

If liberals ran the NBA, teams would have inoffensive names that reflected sensitivity to all living creatures... the New York Beige would play the Los Angeles Plaid.

If liberals ran the NBA, the game have no scoring, no time limit and the concept of winning would be replaced by "actualized group potential."

If liberals ran the NBA, the NEA would run the player's union... and fight against linking pay to any measure of performance.

-- Not (evencloseto@liberal.org), December 03, 2000

Answers

If life were an NBA basketball game, it would only last a couple of hours. Of course, if life were an entire NBA season, it would be endless...

-- Brian McLaughlin (brianm@ims.com), December 03, 2000.

If conservatives ran the NBA, there wouldn't be an NBA. They wouldn't be able to stomach the idea of a black man making more money than them.

-- Not (evencloseto@conservative.org), December 03, 2000.

If conservatives ran the NBA... Either Latrell Sprewell or P.J. Carlesimo (preferably both) would have been packing a MAC-10, and that little "choking" incident would have been settled REAL fast.

-- I'm Here, I'm There, (I'm Everywhere,@So.Beware), December 03, 2000.

Not evencloseto@conservative.org, maybe the conservatives could leave it up to Ken Hamlin, Alan Keyes, Walter Williams and other black conservatives.

-- Dr. Pibb (dr.pibb@zdnetonebox.com), December 03, 2000.

Does anyone remember the SNL skit from about ten years ago when Michael Jordan was the guest? This classic skit was set in the old white man's NBA and MJ could not make the team because he refused to do 2-hand set shots and he insisted on going air-borne at the foul line, finishing with a slam dunk. It was very funny and gored several oxes, Liberal and Conservative.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), December 03, 2000.

I'm Here, that incident never would have happened. Carlesimo would have either been dead or in jail YEARS prior to that ;-)

(One of those little things that always bothered me about that story was that the "liberal media" never quite mentioned how Carlesimo had ALWAYS treated his players. To hear them tell it, Sprewell's actions -- while certainly not excusable in my eyes -- were unprovoked. Puhleeze.)

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), December 03, 2000.

Let's see, redistribution of wealth via revenue sharing is NBA policy. Salary caps, which limit the ability of individuals to earn true free-market value are in place. Salary floors and ceilings are likewise part and parcel of life in the NBA.

Looks to me as if so-called liberal economic policies are in effect. The NBA has thrived since these policies were put in place. The game of baseball should take a cue from the NBA and institute similar policies. Major League baseball is headed for financial and cometitive ruin.

Of course, professional sports leagues are unusual business entities in that they are by their very nature natural monopolies.

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), December 03, 2000.