I'm 26 years old and was diagnosed as having aspergers syndrome (highly functioning)when I was 19. Ever since I can remember I have always felt 'different', like I was from another planet. I have always misunderstood facial expressions ie. thinking people are angry with me. I went to main-stream schools and although I was intensely bullied I managed to form a few friendships. When I was eventually diagnosed I told a couple of friends who I was working with at the time and none of them believed me, saying I was just like anyone else (by this age I had managed to hide any outward 'odd' behaviour). In a way I was glad that I appeared normal to most of the outside world but I hoped that my workmates would understand how I felt inside and why occasionally I overeact to a situation. They didn't understand and in a way I wish I hadn't told them as after that it felt as if they treated me differently. One friend was became quite patronising and one started to avoid me. I am very lucky now to have a supportive partner who loves me for who I am but he is the only person outside my family I feel I can trust. I also have a very close friend that I have known since I met my partner, three years ago. I would really like to tell her that I have aspergers as I feel that not telling her is like lying to her but I am so scared of her reaction. I have never wanted to be different, it really frightens me. Every day I try so hard to be like everyone else.

-- Tabitha (tab.hl@talk21.com), November 23, 2000