Ralph proposes coin toss

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DENVER (AP) -- Ralph Nader has a simple solution to the stalemate in Florida: Toss a coin.

''It sounds kind of arbitrary, but I'm not joking,'' the Green Party candidate told The Denver Post. ''There's really no other way to end this. At this point, no one's ever going to know who really won Florida.''

Ideally, a team of nonpartisan volunteers should recount votes cast in all Florida counties, Nader said from his office in Washington, D.C. He admitted that would be impossible before the Dec. 12 deadline to certify a winner.

''It's razor close, and the margin of error is bigger than the margin between them,'' he said. ''Whoever wins is going to have half the nation against them. It's going to leave a bad taste in the American people's mouths.''

Ergo, bring in Republican George W. Bush and Democrat Al Gore and flip the coin.

The ceremony, Nader said, could be broadcast across the globe, and the two parties could sell time for commercials to raise enough money to finance their presidential campaigns in 2004.

''It'll give both parties a four-year breather to show America what it's like to have presidential candidates not indentured to corporate contributors,'' he said.

Getting corporate America out of politics was a major idea of Nader's presidential campaign, which brought him less than 3 percent of the vote.

-- (GreenHornet@Cato's.Closet), November 23, 2000


How about bringing back Bert Parks to host a "Mr. President" pageant? I shudder to think what the swimsuit competition would look like, but it may be time to make some hard choices here.

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), November 23, 2000.

Watch out for the carefully enhanced salami in Gore's shorts.

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), November 23, 2000.

I see them both leaning towards pepperoni, but I could be wrong.

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), November 23, 2000.

I think they should have a dual. That way there will only be one "Wrongful Death" lawsuit and the Supreme Court won't need to get involved.

-- Suicide (Is@Painless.com), November 23, 2000.

Deuling pepperoni? Has possibiities. Or they could always go back to one of my previous suggestions -- a WWF "Cage Match". Maybe Jesse Ventura would agree to referree, to add some gravitas to the event.

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), November 23, 2000.

I think they should have a suicide pact like star-crossed teen lovers. Dubya and Al, holding eachother close while their '68 Mustang fills with CO. It's so beautiful.

-- (NeilDiamond@puke.Central), November 23, 2000.

Instead of the '68 Mustang, maybe something like Thelma and Louise? Two badass politicians traveling the southwest together and terrorizing the townies, hitting each other with slabs of pepperoni (or salami) as they fight over who gets to drive, and trying to decide whether to turn left or right in Albuquerque. Finally, they accidentally take the road that leads to Evil Knevil's launch pad over the Snake River (except they have neither a rocket car nor parachute, due to budget shortfalls) and drive off it at full speed. There's probably a moral there, somewhere -- and lots of heavy-handed symbolism.

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), November 23, 2000.

Poor Ralphie can't count too good. He, like the media, pretend that the election has been a dead heat, instead of a repeated Bush victory. They like to say things like, "statistical dead heat," and "a tie within the margin of error," when all along the law says that a simple majority wins.

Should the winning football team agree to forfeit its hard-earned victory in numerical point, even if the lead is a single point, in favor of a coin toss?

Reversion to a coin toss only favors the loser. What the heck, Al the Loser has already lost, if he can get a coin-toss his chances of victory have just increased from 0 to 50%. And if doesn't win the toss? File lawsuits to get another toss. Say that the American people are patient, because they only want what's right. Repeat until the toss has won. Then declare victory, and say the American people are weary of the confusion, and only want to move on.

-- Scarecrow (Somewhere@Over.rainbow), November 23, 2000.

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