Top Ten Signs Al Gore is Depressed

Copyright 2000 by Worldwide Pants, Inc.

10. Hardly gets any pleasure participating in his family's staged football games

9. Now goes to Buddhist temples for illegal donations and spiritual guidance

8. Composed novelty song "Bush's States Are Red, And I'm Feeling Blue"

7. During strategy meetings grabs Warren Christopher, sobs "Hold me"

6. Was recently seen passionately kissing the inventor of Prozac

5. Mr. Environment spends his days tossing rusty car batteries into Potomac River

4. Asks George W. Bush if he can borrow old Sparky for the weekend

3. At recent Joe Lieberman speech on religion shouted, "Okay, you're Jewish! We get it!"

2. Just ask Tipper -- lately, the guy's anything but stiff

1. Won't crack a smile, no matter how many lap dances President Clinton buys him

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), November 22, 2000