Top Ten Signs Your Anchorman's Exhaustedgreenspun.com : LUSENET : TB2K spinoff uncensored : One Thread
From Letterman's last night's Top Ten...
Top Ten Signs Your Anchorman's Exhausted
10.Says, "Good evening, I'm Peter Jennings." Only he ain't Peter Jennings
9.Spent six hours trying to pronounce "Bush"
8.At 2:00am, he loosens his tie.... At 3:00am, he gets rid of pants
7.Draws a face on his right fist and holds heated discussion with "Bobby"
6.Keeps referring to Bush and Gore as "those bastards who won't let me sleep"
5.Number in corner of screen counts how close he is to 270 cups of coffee
4.Anytime someone mentions "Florida," he starts sobbing because his parents never took him to Disney World
3.The Florida election committee has officially declared him "not exhausted"
2.All night long he spews out nonsensical things like Dan Rather did
1.Just past five in the morning, gives his own concession speech
-- eve (firstname.lastname@example.org), November 11, 2000
And from 11/8...
Top Ten Things Overheard Last Night at the Florida Election Commission
10. "The first vote goes to Gore...call CNN and tell them Gore won."
9. "Wait, if my wet laundry is in the ballot box...oh my god! Stop the dryer!"
8. "If someone voted for 'the jerk,' do I give it to Gore or Bush?"
7. "Let's be extra careful, because every single vote counts...ha, ha, ha, ha, just kidding!"
6. "120... 121... 122! Yes! I'm the ballot-eating champion!"
5. "This is much easier than my last job designing tires for Firestone"
4. "America must never know Ralph Nader actually won the election"
3. "Discard all these votes for Bush -- they're obviously left over from 1992"
2. "I'm sure gonna miss you guys when this is over. If only there was a way to make it last a few more days..."
1. "Heads Bush... Tails Gore"
-- eve (email@example.com), November 11, 2000.