Subject: Why did the chicken cross the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH I don't think I should have to answer that question. AL GORE I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossed the road to bring together these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way to bring greater services to the American people. RALPH NADER The chicken's habitat on the far side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. RUSH LIMBAUGH I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this! How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. RICHARD HATCH The chicken devised a plan for crossing the road and then had the strength to make that plan work. I think we should respect it for that. P.E.T.A. SPOKESPERSON What business is it of yours why the chicken crossed the road? The chicken had every right to cross the road, more right than your have, since the chicken never murdered or enslaved an animal for its own pleasure. PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. MARTHA STEWART If the chicken crossed the road on my property, I would be fully justified in blocking its exit until the local authorities could arrive to arrest it for trespassing. I am a private person and should not have to be subjected to the "innocent mistakes" of common chickens. JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side. "That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that. DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN What chicken? KEN STARR I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.) CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please? LOUIS FARRAKHAN The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down. THE BIBLE And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road" And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. COLONEL SANDERS I missed one?

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), November 08, 2000

Answers

Jesus, I always thought you were stupid, but give me a break. You really need help.

-- feedback (howfucking@.dumb.com), November 08, 2000.

What is the white stuff in chicken shit?

That's chicken shit too.

-- (nemesis@awol.com), November 08, 2000.

Jesus, I always thought you were stupid

You always thought The Son Of God was stupid...oh my...

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), November 08, 2000.

Jesus, I always thought you were stupid

Ya know I think Hawk's mean spirited fowl mouth rivals that of CPR's insanely irritating denialistic attitude.

Not quite to the irritating level of Lady Logic, YET but he's getting closer.

-- Ain't Gonna Happen (Not Here Not@ever.com), November 08, 2000.

FutureShock:

The chicken had a spiriutal awakening, realizing that it had been following the precepts of all the generations before him. Today, when facing the road, while Jupiter was conjuncting it's natal moon, the chicken accepted why it had incarnated as a chicken this time, and its karmic necessity was to cross the road.

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), November 08, 2000.

ROFLMAO...good one Uncle Bob...I liked it.

Ronald Reagan: What chicken? HEE HEE

Farakan, too damn funny.

Clinton, well, go figure...tee hee.

Thanks Uncle Bob, I needed the laughter and smile.

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), November 08, 2000.

Very Good FS..here's mine I think:

kritter = Oooh, look at the cute chicken! It's soooo cute! I want a chicken too! Can I have one please? Huh? Can I? I won't like eat it or anything, I promise. (well, except if there's like an apocolypse) In the meantime it will be like a pet or something. Pet's are KEWL! woohoo

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), November 08, 2000.

Ok Krit and FS, to keep in good standing here is mine:

Consumer: "Wow, check it out, a chicken. (lifts chickens leg to see if its a boy or girl chicken, discovers its a girl) Cool, it is about 3 lbs, fat lil sob, hmm, think it will lay good eggs and as a consumer, I'm ALL about prices, ya know?"

Picks up the damn bird with big crap eating grin on face and returns home, smokes a lil bit and considers.....Dumb bird shouldnt of been trying to cross nothin nohow. And hell with all the onlookers, I still cant for the life of me figure out how comes someone didnt pick the damn bird up sooner, I mean um, after all Thanksgiving is close, who'd know the diff?

heehee

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), November 08, 2000.

LOL uncle bob!

Feedback is lashing out at a result of NOT GETTING IT. You were the first person he saw. C'est la vie

-- cin (cin@cin.cin), November 08, 2000.

Because there was a Tiki Bar across the street,OF COURSE : )

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), November 08, 2000.