I do not like to use other people's bathrooms. I know, I know, it's not on the Top Ten list for anyone, but it really makes me cringe. We have a really small women's restroom at work, and I get downright embarassed if I know people are waiting and I'm still trying to yank up pantyhose.

It's also embarassing when I'm out with my daughter. She's super-sensitive to loud noises (which makes Fourth of July a real treat, let me tell you), and frequently runs outside of the entire restroom half dressed to avoid hearing "the big flush". Do I retrieve my child before or after I give the toilet "the big flush"?

What would Miss Manners say?

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

Answers

Does anyone else have that problem where they don't like other people hear them pee? I used to wait it out until someone flushed another toilet or turned on the sink. I eventually got over this quirk, but it recurs if I use the bathroom of a cute boy's house...I have turn a faucet on first to camoflauge the pee-splash.

My posts seem to all be scatological today. Now why is that.

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

This might be off topic, but I had a friend once who wouldn't go to the bathroom when she was on a date at all. Simply would not excuse herself to go to the Ladies Room and would literally hold it for hours til she got home. I don't know why, but she thought it was unladylike. Like the person was going to think she was too dainty to pee. She got herself quite a few bladder infections that way.

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

I hate public restrooms. Hate them. I get chills just thinking about 'em, way too mysterious puddles and wads of tissue paper for me to be able to relax and go. Luckily, I never have to pee. Don't ask me why, I guess I just have a gifted bladder

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

Mary Ellen, those toilet that work on a motion detector must be hell for your daughter since they tend to flush randomly. I have a tiny bladder so anytime I'm near a restroom I tell people I'm an opportunist and go. My daughter seems to have a bigger one, but is too young to recognize when she needs to be opportunistic.

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

I, thankfully, also have a gifted bladder. My husband, on the other hand, has a genius bladder because it's been trained to only work in the morning, before work, shut down at work, and then again at home. He could train an ant to be lazy. He also will not go to the toilet at someone else's house or in a restaurant loo. It's a bit odd, coz, it's not as if he has to sit on the seat to have a whiz. I must ask him about that...

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

Oh, and, I understand her weird aversion to that noise- I can't stand dishes and styrofoam noises- it makes my skin crawl. Uuugh! I think Miss Manners would prescribe earplugs...

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

I once listened to two female friends of mine, one of whom was my boss at the time, explaining to me the concept of the "Courtesy Flush." I couldn't understand it, because such "courtesy" is unheard of in men's rooms. God knows I don't do it.

In men's restrooms the general rule is to ignore everyone else in there, no matter what. I find it a terrible breach of etiquette when some man starts talking to me in the john (the only exception is at the sinks, just before exiting). I really hate it when I can hear someone at a urinal and then he cuts a big ol' fart because he's trying too hard to get all moisture expelled from his body as quickly as possible. :P

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

There I am, standing in front of the urinal, and there are 5 or 6 empty urinals to my left, and some guy I've never seen before comes in, chooses the urinal next to the one I'm using, and then tries to engage me in inane conversation. I've always thought this was impolite, but I'm not sure why. I'm not shy, but it makes me uncomfortable. And suspicious. Maybe I'm just not as gregarious as I think I am. I was just raised in a family where going to the bathroom wasn't a spectator sport.

-- Anonymous, November 04, 2000

I hear ya Bubba! It ain't supposed to be a peep show. What really pisses me off is when you are in a restaurant and some guy is sittin and reading the entire wall street journal instead of pushin and pinchin that loaf and lettin some of the rest of the world use the can. I've been known to say nasty things to people with no stall etiquette like shit and get off the pot asshole! And then there are the buttwipes that don't lift the seat when they drain the snake. What the hell am I? Some freakin servant who has to clean up after their nasty ass!? Jerks. James

-- Anonymous, November 05, 2000

Sorry Floosie. Didn't mean to cuss like that. James

-- Anonymous, November 05, 2000

Paul W. needs to explain to this female-out-of-the-loop what a "courtesy flush" is. I feel as if it's something I ought to know but no one ever told me.

-- Anonymous, November 05, 2000

Kathy, I'm just guessing...but I bet it's to cover the sound of someone tinkling. Or tooting.

-- Anonymous, November 05, 2000

I always thought a courtesy flush is made with the intent to remove the offensive odor causing crap before the user is completely finished with her/his "business". Basically a mid-term flush.

-- Anonymous, November 05, 2000

The "modesty flush" is the one that covers noise. I just remembered that.

-- Anonymous, November 05, 2000

Bingo, Oma, it's to remove the odor before you're even completely finished, simply for the benefit of others. That's the "courtesy flush".

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2000

how can you do a curtsey flush if there is onlly one stall cuz it does'nt work and the batroom will still stink. i herd you can light a match but i dont smoke so i dont have them on me and im rilly emberessed when some one goes into the bathroom after i just made a poopy?

-- Anonymous, November 08, 2000

I don't believe in courtesy flushes (now that I know what they are). It's my theory that the stink is caused by gaseous fumes, not by whatever solid material may be in the toilet, so flushing wouldn't do any good. Maybe the most polite thing you can do is warn the next comer away (or at least convince them to hold their breath). I work in a hospital where they have the most ingenious aerosol cans labeled Citrace. I have no idea how they work but somehow they remove the poopy smell and leave a pleasant odor of oranges in its place. Maybe floosie can find a travel-sized can of Citrace to use in place of matches.

-- Anonymous, November 09, 2000

The courtesy flush also helps keep the toilet from clogging if it gets too full or the toilet has a low volume tolerance.

-- Anonymous, November 10, 2000

thnkx cathy ill look fro it!!!! i like to be fresh

-- Anonymous, November 10, 2000

Oh, Gawd, I HATE it when women bring young boys into the bathroom. I'm not talking a two-year old that could get snatched by a predator if he went in the men's room by himself--I mean a six or seven year old boy is too old to be coming in the restroom with mommy.

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

I don't like it either, I really don't...but a six or seven year old is also too young to stand outside the restroom door by himself. They still wander off and they are still young enough to be snatched up by predators. We're talking first and second graders. That's the most common age range of the kids I see on the side of milk cartons and at the post office.

Some places have family restrooms, which I like the idea of. I also like restrooms that have a "foyer"...you can keep in voice contact with your child while you do your business without him being in the stall with you or trying to look under someone else's stall.

It's a sad state of affairs that even when you have to take care of your personal elimination business, you're forced to worry about someone swooping down on your child. It only takes a second.

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

So sorry Liz if my bringing my 8 and 5-1/2 year old boys in the ladies room offends you. Next time I'll be sure the send them to the men's room. It doesn't matter if I don't know who is in there with them.

The only time I send my 8 year old alone is if it's a single bathroom and the place is not crowded. I have heard too many stories of things happening to kids in restrooms and it is a chance I AM NOT going to take.

I don't know if you're a parent. It sounds like you are not. Maybe when you have kids one day, you will understand.

I am in no way going to risk something happening to my kids

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

Holy cow! Fuckin' A, Shelly!

Sorry, but you're just going to have to have a few minutes of discomfort while I bring my 6 year old son in the Ladies' Room with me- he's a KINDERGARTENER, for Christ's sake. There's no way in hell I'm leaving him to stand outside all alone or letting him go in the men's bathroom for at least a few more years.

Jeezus. And I just know that if I did leave him to stand outside alone or use the men's room alone, there'd be someone snarking over the stupid, neglectful mom who doesn't even bring her kid into the bathroom with her. Sigh. Must be nice to have the liberty to just sit up on your high horse and judge.

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

Dammit, don't any of you women have the sense to dress your 6 year-old sons as little girls when you go out? You're giving Liz the willies!

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

What the hell is the big deal with having young children in the restroom with their parents? Why does it make anyone uncomfortable? Most of the time, the kids are just standing there waiting for mom (or dad) to hurry up. So they might talk. Big deal. And they might even get antsy and make some noise. Again, big deal. It's a public restroom that you are going to spend five minutes in. Deal with it.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2001

I know nothing irritates me like waiting...and waiting...and waiting , and then watching 10 preteen girls come out of the one bathroom giggling and talking about Britney Spears. Then walking into a haze of Aqua Net and the Seventeen Magazine Body Spritz of the Week.

Okay, the truth is that nothing irritates me like preteen girls. It's true, I'm a codger. I'm a crabby old biddy and I hate giggly youth.

Personally I don't mind any children in the ladies room, unless they are peering under the stall doors, and then I just laugh. When I was a nanny, I was unsure of the rules about taking little boys into ladies rooms, so I usually just tried to talk them into holding it. When we did all go together, I was very uncomfortable, waiting for someone to say "This is a LADIES room!", but no one ever did. And my boys were well trained, they never peed on the seat-which is more than I can say for some nasty ass women out there.

More than once I took them to the mens room. Never when it was a multi-stall setup, and I always knocked first, but when you have 2 three year old, freshly potty trained boys, you go wherever you can.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2001

If the men's room is a single toilet/sink room, I'll use it if the ladies' room has a line. I did that last summer at a restaurant outside Niagra Falls, and this woman looked at me like I was crazy. She wasn't looking at me that way when I left the men's room and she was still waiting for the woman in the ladies' room to finish up and get out. (I told the waiting woman that I thought the woman in the bathroom fell into the toilet.)

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2001

We were at some festival downtown near this museum and, as usual, the line for the ladies' was 2000 people deep and there was no one at the men's and they had a GUARD posted to make sure no ladies went into the men's. What, did they think we were going to molest them or something? I couldn't believe it.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2001

That's pretty ridiculous. What is it, Fort Knox? The trend lately for civic buildings, theater venues and sports arenas is to put in many more women's restrooms than ever before, and certainly many more than men's rooms. For instance, Denver's new Pepsi Center (McNichols Arena replacement) and the soon-to-be-complete Invesco Field at Mile High (Mile High Stadium replacement) both make big deals about how many more women's rooms they have and how they are spread around the buildings better so you never have to walk very far to find one.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2001

Luchina, were you at Fiesta?

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2001

No, we were at that festival (oh, god, I was hoping you wouldn't ask because I forgot the name of it) that has all the different cultural stuff- you know, the different cultural groups here set up their own booths with historical stuff and awesome food. Mike's family is Lebanese so they always have a booth, and his brother was in town so we went to go see it.

The bathroom was in the Texas Cultural Institute or Institute of Texas Cultures or something like that--that was the only place you could go. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

We went to Fiesta once. I didn't really get it. I can drink at home, you know?

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2001

Boy, is my face RED!!!! I had no idea it was that big a deal being pissed at a 6-year old boy in the bathroom with us wimmins.Yes, you can tell I'm not a mom.There werea lot of angles I had not thought of- --like creepy men pedophiles in the men's room...eeewww.. Well, okay, moms, and I'm being serious now, not a smartass.What IS the right age to have them go to the men's room on their own? Anybody want to toss out a preference?

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2001

I don't know... ask the pedophiles what ages they prefer and then work from there.

My oldest is eight. Sometimes I send all three of the boys in together. But I stand right outside the door and yell, "Remember -- scream if anyone touches you!" enough times to scare everyone out of being able to piss, anyway.

-- Anonymous, March 17, 2001

Must add to this subject and come out of my lurking comfortably stance. I have a 7 year old who doesnt like to use the woman's room any more than anyone who doesnt understand why he's forced to go in there with me does. I will take him with me until I feel he's old enough to protect himself or scream louder than the hand dryer or the any other bathroom noise that can mask his potential struggle. Tough call on exact ages, my guess about 9 or 10, maybe not then. I will see how he and I are at that age. lol Unfortunately this is the day and age we live in. No one can hate my son in the restroom with me more than my son, and I'm sure that's true of a lot of boys you see in the women's room.

-- Anonymous, March 17, 2001

Every women's room my mom brought me into when I was a child had a nice comfy couch in it, and I don't think I've ever seen a men's room with a couch. As a matter of fact, the women's rooms were usually denoted "Women's Lounge." I always wondered how come the girls had couches.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Maybe it's for women who need to feed their babies or something. I don't know. I never stayed in the Ladies Lounge long enough because it always smells like humid poop in there. And one of my kids that are with me will always say, "Mom! It stinks in here!" and I'm all, "shhhh!"

By the way, I've always heard that you should use the first stall because that's where the toilet paper is. I guess people tend to use the back stalls more often.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Maybe they have a couch in the Ladies Room so people can wait when there is a line to use the toilets.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

The one, only, true answer to why women's bathrooms have sofas:

It's so when you're fourteen and have cramps, you'll have someplace to lie down pitifully while your friends search their purses for Midol and making sympathetic cooing noises, silly.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

In the words of a kind friend: Courtesy Flush.

If someone has to do #2, why cant they flush? Sometimes I think I should carry around a small can of air freshner.

Door knobs, Am I the only one afraid to touch them after I have washed my hands? AM I? I sure hope not.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001