Whether accidental or deliberate, have you ever done anything seriously disgusting? Me, I once ate a piece of pizza that had fly larvae on it. I was chomping happily, and all of a sudden I'm thinking, "What're those little white things? Oh, GOD! Guh. Aaaargh!".

I had a friend in high school who used to do things like pick his nose while preparing food in home-ec (food which was to be shared with the rest of the class). Once, when the class made appetizers, he grabbed one of each kind (there were 7 varieties), shoved them in his mouth together, chewed them, spat it into his glass of water then drank the lot. Gaaaaaag.

Y'all?

-- Anonymous, October 30, 2000

Answers

You should have titled this forum: "Put Down Your Ice Cream Before You Read This, Eva. No, I Know It's cookies And Cream And Your Favorite And All. Trust Me. Put It Down, Because You Will Be Sorry If You Get To The Maggot Chewing Part and You Have Ice Cream In Your Mouth. Yes, It Will Make You Queasy All Afternoon. Really."

In Other News: I don't think I have anything that beats the fly larvae on pizza story. But since I'm already totally grossed out, I'll give it some thought this afternoon, and perhaps some long-suppressedm memory will surface.

-- Anonymous, October 30, 2000

I swallowed a yellow jacket a few weeks ago. I was really hot and thirsty, and it was early in morning, and I went back to grab my cup of tepid coffee. I choked it down, felt a lump in my throat, and then checked to see four or five of his little compadres floating morosely at the surface.

But, at least I didn't chew.

-- Anonymous, October 30, 2000

We were having a gross out contest at work one day and I won. Bubba and Paul know about these things. Anyway I had a big wad between my cheek and gum and to finish this contest against some pretty tuff competition I blew the juice out my nose and then licked it back up off my palm. End of contest. Now mind you this was after work and after a whole lot of beers. I won hands down. They still talk about it to this day. Of course you all know where I work now so the caliber of the maint and operations staff tells you what this contest was like. James PS- I had washed my hands before attempting this feat of stupidity.

-- Anonymous, October 31, 2000

Mary Ellen, you've got to watch those yellow jackets. I had a friend who grabbed his beer at a BBQ one day, took a swig, and got bit on the lip by one angry (and presumably drunk) yellow jacket. Half his face was swollen up. Gross things I've done. Hmm. Well, I've changed yellow-greenish, shitty diapers with a hangover with 3 kids. I watched a pot-bellied pig root around in the remains of an unforunate vilager who got caught in a Napalm attack. (Crispy critters, we joked.)I cover murders on the job and have stepped accidently in a puddle of blood that was the consistency of pudding. (It was dark - I almost slipped and fell in the shit.)I've covered crime scenes where a body has been out in the Texas woods for a coupla weeks and the wild hogs, buzzards and assorted insects have been holding a bachelor party with the remains. I woke up one morning and found my 14 month old daughter (who is now 30) had woke up in her crib, took her diaper off, and shamppooed her hair and then finger-painted everything she could touch - including the effing wall - with her poo-poo. What parent or veteran doesn't have similar stories, though? Being a parent kinda shell-shocks you for gross stuff.

-- Anonymous, October 31, 2000

Mr Cracker wins that one hands down, I can't think of anything I've done to top that. Gaaad. Speaking of swallowing insects; my jazz singer sister once swallowed a fly (I don't know why) during a gig, on a high note in a beautiful arrangement of My Man- luckily she'd had a couple and just carried on as if nothing happened. I loved her deeply for that.

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

I'm not a vet or a parent, but the medical field is the same situation, so I back you on the shell-shock, Bubba Cracker. I've been barfed on, bled on, crapped on (hell-o, delivering babies is messy!), pee-ed on, and splurted on by pus from draining abscesses. But what doesn't kill, you makes you stronger. It ain't so bad.

EATING gross stuff is a different story. I still get the heebie-jeebies thinking about the time I was drinking a cup of coffee from Taco Cabana and suddenly found a chunk of what turned out to be scrambled egg in my mouth. There's nothing grosser than encountering a solid when you were expecting a liquid. God, the possiblilities that flashed through my mind before I spit it out and saw it was a piece of egg.

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

fruitbat, does working under those conditions give you a weird sense of humor when it comes to death and gross stuff? You should hear some of the remarks homicide detectives, cop reporters, coroners make. Funny, but too macabre for the general public, usually. If you repeat them or make them yourself, people get a shocked look on their face. Just wondering...

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

Oh, yeah, B.C., bigtime. Sometimes I feel like I payed $$$ to go to medical school just to be able to make a more complicated jokes about poop. And when you get a crowd of us together, we can make the non-medical people just ill. We don't even mean to...you just forget what it was like before you learned to talk freely of checking for rectal bleeding and amputating gangrenous limbs. Once upon a time, it made me wince too. It's hilarious though. I mean damn funny. And I didn't go into pyschiatry because I found the psychiatric emergency room to be often a laff riot, and I know that's just wrong.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

uh...also because I find it hard to spell. That's p-s-y-chiatry...sorry.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

Actually, fruitbat, that which does not kill us only delays the inevitable.

I saw that on despair.com and have been waiting for days to be able to use it.

Um, wrenching myself back to the topic at hand, this isn't something I did myself, but the grossest thing I ever saw was the two guys who ate a cow's eyeballs. It was in survival school, they were proving they were, you know, "real" men, and volunteered to eat them. (In case you're wondering where the eyeballs came from, we were butchering a calf to make beef jerkey out of.) One of the guys nearly barfed in front of the whole class. The eye liquid (can't remember the official name) was dripping out of his mouth, he was turning some interesting colors, and a whole lot of Air Force Academy cadets decided they were *very* glad they hadn't volunteered.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

Oook. It's vitreous humor that fills the eyeball, and has the consistency of runny jelly. Oook, I say.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

Then what's aqueous humor?

Speaking of that, my step-grandmother once listened patiently to an explanation from my oldest brother on what is cement and that concrete was stones and other material held together with what's basically just cement again, and asked very sweetly, "Oh, well then what's pavement?" :-)

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

Oops, sorry Gwen, I didn't mean to say "Pavement."

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

I'm sorry guys, Paul's question has awakened my inner nerd...the eyeball has two anatomically distinct chambers, the main body which is filled w/ vireous humor and a smaller anterior chamber in front of the lens and iris (colored part of the eye) which is filled with a substance called aqueous humor, which is constantly made and drained out. When the aqueous humor pressure gets too high (too much made, problems draining), that's glaucoma. Here's a picture: http://www.ama-assn.org/insight/gen_hlth/atlas/newatlas/eye.htm

I won't make a habit of this kind of dorkery, I swear.

-- Anonymous, November 03, 2000

It's okay, Paul. I'm listening to them right now, anyway.

-- Anonymous, November 03, 2000

umonce i sneezed rilly hard and i farted rilly loud whn i sneexed but it was'nt a fart i poopyed my pants!!!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, November 08, 2000

After several jugs of MD 20/20, I once convinced a friend of mine to take a dump on a sheet of newspaper. We the stuffed the turd down a guy's carborator. It was a rather interesting 3 hours the next day trying to keep a straight face as we watched the poor sap and his buds try to get the thing cleaned out. "Somebody put shit in my carborator." "Shit? What kind of shit?" "Shit shit. Somebody took a shit in my carborator." "You're crazy," I said, "how could anybody fit under your hood and do that?" He did not have an answer, and I just decided to leave him in the dark.

-- Anonymous, November 25, 2000

I don't do anything gross. I'm too ladylike and dainty.

-- Anonymous, November 25, 2000

I hit my big toe on the corner of an elevated bank of gym lockers. A few days later, it turned purple, black and blue. Besides hurting like a m*therf*cker, and looking like hell on a stick, it got worse. A few days after it turned such entertaining colors, the middle part of my toenail fell off, leaving a purple, blue and black doughnut- shaped toenail with weepy, unhappy, pus-sy, icky, raw, under-your- toenail-flesh exposed. I really didn't do too much that was gross deliberately, though I recommend not getting to free with where you fling your feet in a locker room now...but after a few days with the donut-toenail getting caught on everything, including bandages, I took some cuticle scissors and trimmed the nail down past where the donut was. And that shit hurt, because some of the nail was still healthy and attached, but the wound finally started to heal after that. I was lucky that it was apparently okay to do that. My toenails are just dandy now, and they are artificially red at the mo, instead of 'naturally' blue, purple and black.

My brother drank Coke bottles filled with sea water/ mucky-sewer water and tadpoles from a tidal drainage ditch. I was a bit of a tomboy and had spent all afternoon catching them. To this day he swears he didn't, but there were witnesses. The doctor even had a classic line or two about calling him if my brother "developed a frog in his throat" and that "everything would come out all right in the end". Like I said, my brother sees NO humor in this anecdote whatsoever.

I also occasionally swam in "the baby pool" (a foot-and-a-half deep area) because I liked playing with the little kiddies. It didn't dawn on me until I was eleven or so that babies aren't terribly continent creatures. There was probably a reason why the water was always warmer there. I felt slightly vindicated when I saw mothers in the water with their kids--it's gross, but if they didn't make the connection, maybe it wasn't so awful that I hadn't. At any rate, it lost whatever charm it had and I stayed in the adult Ool from then on out. (Note that it had no--or at least less--'P' in it.)

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000

When I was about two Iate a lady bug because I thought it was a baby m&m

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000

once a boy would not stop looking at me , SO I THROUGH MY BOOGERS AT HIM

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000

Once my brother and I were fighting for the front seat of our minivan after his hockey game, and he got PO'd and slammed the sliding door, but my hand was right on that little arrow thing that slides into a slot. It crushed my middle finger and my finger was stuck. It was all black and blue, then green, then pale yellow then normal. And then my whole finger nail just came off! When it was getting looser and looser, you could lift it up a bit, and it stank like sh*t under there. ewww!

-- Anonymous, December 23, 2000

I used to work at a zoo(this is more a SEEN than DONE) and one of our whitetail deer had a huge abscess on his neck. I was one of the poor shcmucks who had to tranquilize the deer and "assist" in lancing the abscess to drain it. Well, no sooner had the scalpel pricked the skin when BLAP! it exploded banana-pudding/bloody, chunky/smelly-looking goo all over my coworkers, me, and the vet. Oh, god, how we gagged....

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

I have to say that that was indeed pretty gross. :) (I think the phrase "banana pudding" when used to describe things that are not, in fact, banana pudding, is pretty damn descriptive, ergo disgusting.)

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

I thought tapioca pudding more descriptive. We used to treat kids and adults down in Mexico for abcesses and pull teeth and man does that reek. We always brought lots of meds for them when we came down to surf. James

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001