Show some new Olympic events YOU'D be good at... : LUSENET : TB2K spinoff uncensored : One Thread

Ok,'s a chance to see yourself in an Olympic event.

What types of new Olympic events do you think -- if they HAD 'em, you'd be good at? And...who knows? Maybe they'd even drive the ratings up to boot! Summer or winter "sports" are open game here. And you can define "sport" as loosely as you want, for this purpose.

To start us off, I'll throw in a few that I think I might be good at, anyway...

Speed Blinking

Downhill Butt-Sliding

The Rock-Salt Driveway Sprinkle

Synchronized Shrugging

The Ten Minute Free Float

The 1000-Meter Pass-The-Stack-of-Loose-Papers-in-High-Heels Relay Race (women -- well, if you're so inclined...)

The Coffee-Spill/Kleenex-Grab 'n' Wipe

-- eve (, September 21, 2000



These are wonderful. It may take me a while, but hopefully I can find one to add do the list.

Ummmm... ask Bingo1 about horseshoes. :)


-- (Sheeple@Greener.Pastures), September 21, 2000.

putting things on top of other things

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), September 21, 2000.

The 12oz. curl :)

-- Peg (too@much.spam), September 21, 2000.

Slugging a beer in 2 seconds flat. I did it once and won in a bar...a free drink.

-- (, September 21, 2000.

Oh, and I'm not even a beer drinker. Imagine if I practiced...

-- (, September 21, 2000.

Guilt-fest. I already got you all beat at that. I'm so sorry.

smarty -- I once lost a beer-chugging contest with the daughter of a Methodist minister who had never before tasted beer in her life. The shame...

-- helen (b@s.y), September 21, 2000.

Trolling internet forums

Flaming other forum contributors

-- (, September 21, 2000.

How about "Hog-Tie the Troll"?

-- (Sheeple@Greener.Pastures), September 21, 2000.

Bong-A-Thon (Hey, everyone's got a past ;-))

The 5-Meter Desk-to-Vending Machine Dash

The Five-Minute Meeting Break Speed Smoke

-- Patricia (, September 21, 2000.

The twenty-minute Power Nap.

-- zzzzzz (, September 21, 2000.

Sheeple, uh, er, nevermind.

Patricia, er, uh, nevermind.

Eve, I would most definitely medal in Long-distance Whining. Lord knows I practice on a daily basis.

-- Bingo1 (, September 21, 2000.

Thanks, guys, for some great stuff! I mean, I play tennis too, for example, but I knew that Olympics-wise I should stay away from THAT one. Some hints...

One day it took three firefighters to disentangle me from the net;

Too many serves hitting me in the back of the head;

My serve being clocked at six miles per hour.


Keep 'em comin, though, y'all...

-- eve (, September 21, 2000.

Bingo, I don't think you have a lock on Long-Distance Whining. You have to understand that virtually everyone here in LV is from somewhere else, and a good many of us miss that "somewhere else".

I forgot a couple:

The Catch-The-Dog-Before-She-Poops-or-Catches-The-Bird Forty-Yard Dash

The Put-the-Olds-in-Neutral-Before-It-Stalls-At-The-Light Speed Competition

The Free-Throw From the Computer Chair to the Wastebasket on the Other Side of the Room Skills Competition

The Doggy Maze Obstacle Course (in this event, one has to navigate through six-square-feet of three dogs laying on the floor in a random pattern, without stepping on any doggy parts; best time wins; time deducted for each "yelp" that is heard by the judges)

-- Patricia (, September 21, 2000.

Being the judge ... watching all you hot babes ... doing the mudwrestling event.

-- King of Spain (madrid@aol.cum), September 21, 2000.

King of Spain,

That wouldn't be fair. See, cause you'd want to give each and every one of us that gold medal.

-- (Sheeple@Greener.Pastures), September 21, 2000.

Great topic, eve.

Patience around whining children event (this could be in conjunction with Bingo's event)

Fastest tap dance when caught by the boss event

Longest daydream event

Most profound thoughts spewed forth after three margaritas event (which is how I came up with these :o - just kidding)

-- Mara (, September 21, 2000.

A couple more quick ones...

Find Mom's car keys in under 30 seconds race

(and because it is the Y2K Olympics) spam on spoon 400m relay toss the loaded 5 gallon bucket log roll using 55 gallon water jugs dehydrated green pea spitting contest

-- (Sheeple@Greener.Pastures), September 21, 2000.

(sorry for the formatting of the above... so here it is again)

(and because it is the Y2K Olympics)

spam on spoon 400m relay

toss the loaded 5 gallon bucket

log roll using 55 gallon water jugs

dehydrated green pea spitting contest

(late entries)

dunk the doomer

pin the tail on the polly

-- (Sheeple@Greener.Pastures), September 21, 2000.

Identify the Source of the Engine Fire and Extinguish Before Engine is Destroyed

Evacuate the Burning Car

-- helen (b@r.b), September 21, 2000.

Top Ten Rejected Summer Olympic Events

(C) 1997 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated.

10. The Marge Schott-put

9. Hide the javelin

8. Tackle the French guy

7. Speed blinking

6. Trouser hockey

5. Synchronized shrugging

4. 100-meter dash with a fat guy on your back

3. Female weightlifter mustache tweezing

2. Pantsless pole vault

1. Lookin' terrific

-- Lars (, September 21, 2000.

The 100-Yard Hurdles With Mandatory Minimum 1 Fart Per Hurdle.

The Farting Shotput

Pole Vault With Fart During Freefall

The Farting Marathon

-- bubba bigbutt (leftover@y2k.beans), September 22, 2000.

Mornin' y'all...

Funny stuff!

Hey Lars, I see you've discovered that Letterman stole some of my material. Yeah, we go to trial next week. But the good thing is that if I win what I'm asking for, I'll be able to quit my job. Then I'll be on the forum a whole lot more -- yeah -- maybe on EVERY thread...oh, the possibilities...

(audience lets out a collective groan..."Um...hey, let's contact CBS...maybe there's a Letterman legal defense fund we can contribute to.")

Anyway, a couple more for ya...

The Most-Times-in-"Price is Right"-Audience-Without-Being-Asked-to- "Come on Down" Competition

The "New York City Style" Subway Pickpocket-the-Wallet-and-Turnstile- Hurdle

-- eve (, September 22, 2000.

The 'catch the cricket' a timed event of course (have a bearded dragon he Has to eat)

Fastest count to ten in child rearing event

Speed event in grocery stores

Least patient in traffic event

Best @ cigarette breaks throughout day in workers events

and lastly,

most jobs worked in single year...LOL.

-- consumer (, September 22, 2000.

Shoot, i almost 4got...

Most Hours spent on net @work....while being 'allowed'. :-)

-- consumer (, September 22, 2000.

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