My second husband and I moved our children to our semi-remote homestead in central Maine 4 years ago. The benefits have really outweighed all the disadvantages. The very real shared challenges, have forced teamwork between the four kids aged 10-16 at the time and really strengthened their character and self reliance. Have any of you had similar experiences? Also, have any of you had ex-spouses that made it difficult to, as my ex put it "impose that 3d world, dirt farm lifestyle on his children". I told the kids to keep a journal. They could either publish a book or tell it to a therapist some day.

-- Anne Tower (bbill@wtvl.net), September 16, 2000

Answers

Anne, don't listen to the ex. My husband and I sold our farm 4 yrs ago in Indiana and moved to Littleton, Co. for 3 yrs my children complained that they wanted to move back to the farm, they did not enjoy living in the city, so a year ago we came home to TN where my family lives, my Dad was telling us about the farm that was for sale next to his, that night my husband and I talked with the kids to see if this was really what they wanted. By the time our house in Co sold the kids and I were home for Christmas. The journal is a great Idea, my kids keep one. Getting back to the ex, with my husband and I it wasn't the ex it was his family, they feel that the children were better off in the city, getting a good education, and communicating with normal people. Of course they also felt that the kids would not get a good education living in the south, but remember they are yanks, not that everyone in the north feels that way so I'm not putting people in the north down just my in-laws. But really if your family is happy that should be your only concern. God Bless.

-- tracy emily (emilyfarms@tsixroads.com), September 16, 2000.

Some parents raise children and some children raise parents. I think you have the better situation. imho. I always told my children: It doesn't matter what I do to you or for you--you'll grow to hate me at 16, fear me at 18, have your own children at 20, and wonder how I put up with you. Just the way it was with my father. Do the best you can and everything falls into place, I promise you.

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), September 16, 2000.

My 12 yr old son complains about watering the goats, cleaning their pen, etc. but I catch him out there playing with them every evening after the watering! Ha ha Carol

-- Carol (cwaldrop@peoplescom.net), September 16, 2000.

Anne, Im so thankful that I can have my kids out in the country. You could tell your ex that you always know where they are, and who they are hanging out with. We live very far out, so the kids that come over are the ones we invite. I have gotten to know there friends this way. Whenever we have town kids out to the house, they always say they wish they could live out here. Theres a woods to explore, treehouses, ponds, froogs, all the things boys(and even most girls)enjoy. I cant say its been all easy...getting them to help in the garden is usually a chore, but they eat it, so they can help plant, weed, and harvest it. Mine arent as old as yours, the boys are 10 and7 and daughter is 12, so maybe things get harder... They are very happy that they can have pets, as in town it was harder, the dog was always in a pen, now there is land to walk him. I think we are all happier and HEALTHIER out here....as Im sure you and your family aretoo. Maybe you could tell that to the ex. Carrie in Wis

-- Carrie Wehler (carriew@ticon.net), September 16, 2000.

We moved our two teenagers (14(d) & 16(s)) to a fairly secluded (we are hoping to go "remote" soon) parcel of land almost two years ago. We also started homeschooling at that time to boot! They, of course, hate everything, chores, homeschooling, living far out away from town and malls, keeping up the garden, etc. If it has to do with country living or being friends with "hicks", they hate it. I know (they have said it on many occasions) that they will go out on their own as soon as they possibly can so that they do not have to "live like this". I figure, at least I gave them everything I could that I felt was right - what they do with it is their perogative. It's hard to watch (and I know it will probably get harder) but I hope that I have at least planted a seed in them; one that may not sprout until they're much, much older and can more clearly see the wisdom of a simple life.

-- Lisa (tepeeclan@nidlink.com), September 16, 2000.

Hi Anne! I am in central Maine myself with three kids, 10 acres, 5 horses, dog, cat, and started homeschooling this year. We are not secluded so the whole neighborhood knows what we're up to. My oldest daughter is 8 and has been begging me to homeschool her since kindergarten. We get funny looks from the neighbors and my family thinks I'm crazy for doing it, (to the point that my mother and I aren't speaking anymore), but when her school friends call or come over, they always say they wish their parents would homeschool them. As for ex's: try having one who is a Jehovah's Witness who showed up at my neighbor's workplace to ask if she realized she had an immoral woman for a neighbor! He said he would allow me to homeschool only if he could oversee it. Thankfully he moved over an hour away and only gets to bug me once a week. I don't think he's against homesteading much because his mom and step-dad live in a camp with no electric or running water, so this is actually a step up from there. I am going to slowly work into homesteading. Next year will start a garden and chickens. Started my orchard this year. My kids love being home with me and are still very young, so they will pretty much grow up this way. I'm new to this board and really enjoy all the helpful info. Blessings, Epona

-- Epona (staceyb@myway.com), September 17, 2000.

Lisa - Don't dispair, the seed anology is right. I thought (when I was younger) that I would be the last person to live in the country after being "traumatized" by it as a teen. Like a hard-kerneled seed, though, after years of being scarred up and digested in the belly of real life on the sidewalks, the seed did sprout and now is invasively growing like kudzu of the soul, taking over my whole life and carrying me back to the last place I ever wanted to go and the best place for me to be right now - the country. (Now that I think about it, kudzu looks awful pretty and the blossoms smell right nice, too, even if it is a scourge on the land!!) LOL

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), September 17, 2000.

How do you know if your doing right? Its easy, when DJ complains like I did at his age and I open my mouth and my dads voice comes out (yes , I still get that look on my face when it happens), I know I'm doing it right. Dad was so stupid when I was a teenager, he sure is a genius now though. Parents really do get smarter as you get older. Also I always remind DJ that someday he'll be with his children on his own homestead if he wants to get revenge for what he's going through now and we both laugh.

-- Jay Blair (jayblair678@yahoo.com), September 21, 2000.

Anne, We moved our 3 boys ages 10,8,2 to the country, a year and a half ago, 5 acres here in the Pacific Northwest. They all love it. My 8 year old told me last night that he could not imagine going back to town. They have the forest to play in, they have a tree house, a pond, and any animals that they can take care of. They help out around the place, it has brought us closer together. My 2 year old, (he had just turned a year old when we moved here) absolutely loves it! He wants outside all the time! He doesn't care if it is dark, rainy, or snowing! He walks everywhere on the property, he loves the berries, the garden, the animals. I cannot imagine a better way to raise your kids!

-- Glynn Pennington (glynnpennington@yahoo.com), September 22, 2000.

I moved my family to the country 4 mths ago. I did this, knowing it was probably the end of my marriage. My husband had always lived in town, on the same block even. He even bought our home not 5 blocks from his parents home. He was very much against the move. We had decided that this would be my house and the old house would be his. Weelllll, guess what? He spends more time out here and is enjoying it. :-) We are not breaking up. He even said he could see how the kids and I are all thriving. He is looking forward to getting the old house sold so he can piddle around out here. He has always loved pruning trees, well, we have 5 acres, most of which is trees. :-) He hates making fences, so I do that, and he doesn't like to build things or really keep the yard clean >:-( but, he will learn. He didn't realize how soothing the sound of birds could be, or that trees really do whistle in the wind. That that isn't just written in books. He had never heard a tree frog, or seen a water frog before. He had never seen an orb weaver and its beauty (and scariness) tee hee. The kids ages 14 g, 13, g, 10 b, 9 b, 9b, 7 b, all love it. I have been homeschooling and am in our fifth year. The kids love it!! Sometimes they will talk about how they miss this or that, but then quickly add in that it isn't worth it. Part of that problem is that I have not found the local homeschooling group yet, so they don't know any local homeschoolers. That will change. We all have lupus, so we can't go out just any time outside, but the kids are adjusting to that too. As much as the girls fuss about always watering the birds, they too, have been caught playing with them. My twins, age 9, love taking care of the goats, although the goats are not sure about them yet. My twins are autistic, so a bit...active. They are trying to stay calm around the goats :-) My 7 yr old is wanting his own animal in the worst way, so he gets a baby goat when they are born.

I didn't mean to write a novel here, sorry about that. Hang in there!! My hubbies family wasn't too keen at all about us moving the kids out here (at least one brother, the other doesn't seem to care). But that is there business. They don't speak to us, but I guess that is ok. They don't live around here, so that makes it easier on us. My brothers love it out here, but aren't moving in with us. WHEW!!!

Ok, I am stopping typing..really!!!

-- Cindy in OK (cynthiacluck@yahoo.com), September 22, 2000.