Being a diehard Vikings fan, I've had to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous NFL fortune for over 30 years now. Yet through it all I held desperately to the hope that, someday before I die, the Lombardi (super bowl) Trophy would take it's rightful place in the hallowed halls of the Hubert H Humphrey Metro Dome of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Today my hopes and dreams have been crushed...

http://onion.com/

God Damns Minnesota Vikings As Requested

LIBERTYVILLE, IL--Responding to a fourth-quarter cry from diehard Chicago Bears fan Lester Ruddick, God damned the Minnesota Vikings Sunday. "Players and employees of the Vikings organization," God announced from Heaven, "I have heard the pleas of Lester Ruddick in the final moments of a devastating 30-27 Bears loss to the Vikings, and My wrath shall burn forever against you. No supplication, no contrition can help you now. Every last one of you, from All-Pro wideout Randy Moss all the way down to third-string left guard Chris Liwienski, shall be damned to an eternity of pain and suffering."

-- CD (costavike@hotmail.com), September 06, 2000

Answers

Your not alone, my good man.

At least you don't have Drew Bledsoe and the Patriot's offense (grumble).

But we had one hell of a party/cookout anyway!!!

-- Peg (too@much.spam), September 06, 2000.

Roger Staubach to Drew Pearson...need I say more? And yes it WAS offensive pass intereference! (Big Grin)

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 06, 2000.

Peg- Sept. 17, Vikings at Partiots, 4:15 p.m. (Eastern). Has all the makings for another great party/cookout excuse. Cheers!

Bingo- Roger Staubach to Drew Pearson...need I say more? Ah yes, the most infamous play in Viking history. (How dare you remind me!) And YES, it was pass interference on Pearson. ARGH!

-- CD (costavike@hotmail.com), September 06, 2000.

So you think "God" can measure up to this little scenario? HA! I laugh in your face! Read on:

I'm a Jets' fan.
I live with a Dolphins' fan.
I'm really good friends with the Patriots' fan above.
I'm a Mets' fan.
My manager is a Braves' fan.
I'm a Rangers' fan.
SO is a Devils' fan
I'm a Knicks' fan.
SO is a Lakers' fan.

If I can live with that, you can get past this, CD. I have faith.

(BTW, are you coming here next month?)

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 06, 2000.

What is this "football"?

Is that the game the Irving Cowboys used to play?

-- cpr (buytexas@swbell.net), September 06, 2000.

(sound of "Taps" playing in the background)

Yes, cpr, that is the game of which we speak. Look to other areas of the country for examples of how the game is played.

[g]

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 06, 2000.

CD,

That's gonna be the DARK LORD OF CHILI day...YES!!!!!

And hopefully, my beloved Patriot's will guard that guy that has his freaken feet NAILED to the ground...Heh..that felt good.

Patricia,

ROFL...girl!

-- Peg (too@much.spam), September 06, 2000.

Purple season ticket holder here. I was at the bears game.

Yeee. Ha.

(That's all the emotion I will allow myself at this early juncture.) The bears do suck though.

But the tailgating is always funner when the cheeseheads come to town. Each and every one of them looks just like Dennis Olson. (duck)

-- Bemused (and_amazed@you.people), September 06, 2000.

Watch it cpr, I can take all your mindless ranting usually,but don't even think of taking your tired ass there..ie dissing the 'Boys,so Aikman gets ruffed up with another concussion,its only the first game..what are you? some transplanted 'Yankee' or something even lower..I always knew you wasn't from the GREAT STATE OF TEXAS..

-- Texan (and pissed @cpr.you tired piece of Yankee nothin), September 06, 2000.

LOL Patricia! Ouch...Surrounded by the "enemy" 365 days a year. Talk about "being damned to an eternity of pain and suffering!"

(BTW, are you coming here next month?) Wow! Is it as soon as "next month" already!? I better get off my butt and make arrangements. 90% sure I'll be there.

-- CD (costavike@hotmail.com), September 06, 2000.

This afternoon, during a moment of intellectual recess, I was reading a Pro Insider report that spoke of these very same horned warriors from the moon dome on the frozen wasteland. It would seem that one Mr. Chris Carter is highly miffed at his rookie QB and stormed out of the Vikings complex after Sundays victory. Apparently, CC thought he had DC wired into his pass routes and was POd that the big boy decided to hold down on his picks and lumber the pig on his own. I give Dante two more weeks of going up the middle before he goes on the IR for the rest of the season.

-- I (h@ve.spoken), September 06, 2000.

CD, I forgot to mention that my brother is a Yankee's fan (it really doesn't get much worse than THAT -- well, except maybe that Devils thing). Fortunately, I am now 2500+ miles away from him. (Of course, he's getting married at the end of the month and where do you think they're coming for their honeymoon? Yep. LV. And just in time for the Mets' Annual End-Of-Season Slide From The Top. Shoot me.)

Sure hope you'll be here (Oct. 13-15). Check your email. I have some info for you.

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 06, 2000.

I'm a Jets' fan. I live with a Dolphins' fan.

YIKES!!!

I'm a Rangers' fan. SO is a Devils' fan.

YIKES!!! YIKES!!!

Fortunately you two don't reside in NY/NJ. I know what happens to Devils' fans who visit Madison Square Garden. Same with Dolphins' fans at the Meadowlands. "Let's see if this one can fly...splat!"

Good memories, them. Course I was a Flyers/Cowboys fan...

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 06, 2000.

Course I was a Flyers/Cowboys fan...

AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(My last manager in NYC was a Flyers' fan. In fact, the only team in the whole league that he truly despised was.........you guessed it, The NY Rangers. We just didn't speak to each other from October to like January, when the Rangers are usually mathematically eliminated.)

(And the Cowboys -- Pfffffffft.)

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 06, 2000.

Oops...I forgot one:

I know what happens to Devils' fans who visit Madison Square Garden.

Uh huh; I used to have season tickets...........in the Blue Seats. The same thing pretty much happened to Flyers' fans and (especially) Islanders' fans.

We had such great times up there! (My friend used to publish a little newsletter called Blue Seats Tonight for every home game. I helped him write it sometimes (sometimes unknowingly) and we'd just put the greatest stuff in there. There was one year (at least) the Rangers had gone like 196+ minutes without scoring. Completely forgetting Kenny was standing next to me, I just happened to state, "When they get to 200 they should sell." Yep, it was in the next issue. Groan.)

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 06, 2000.

Bingo, ditto when you are a card carrying Rangers fan watching a game at the Meadowland's Byrne Arena. (er..Continental arena?) Devils fan were more polite though (they only booed us)than Phillies fans were when I went to see the Mets play at the Vet in a Mets cap and shirt. They threw cracker jacks at us! Sheesh, those people were RUDE! ;-)

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 06, 2000.

Of course:

You could all go to Saint Louis and watch a winning NFL team. :^)

Just trying to start a discussion.

Best wishes,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), September 06, 2000.

kritter! Hey, Devils' fans were easy going back in the 1980's. I had no problems wearing my Flyer's jersey and cheering like a madman while at the Meadowlands/Brendan Byrne Arena. Unfortunately, the Flyers could NEVER win there. NEVER!!!

Hey Patricia, you blue-seater you! My buddy saw more than one guy with a deathwish (or just palin ignorant) have his opposing-team jersey torn to shreds. They ALWAYS gave up the jersey except for one instance he desribed in which the jersey was cut off the guy.

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 06, 2000.

Bing, I feel sorry for Philly...all their sports teams have problems. I would love to see the Eagles or the Flyers or the Phillies go all the way for once. Just because I feel sorry for them. And while we're feeling sorry for teams...Go Red Sox too. (Hey..I feel sorry for them..I'm sick of Jeter already..heh)

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 06, 2000.

Bingo, oddly enough, in 10+ years in the blue seats, I saw maybe two fights with "other fans". And then it wasn't simply because they were "other fans", they were wise-guys. Most of the fights were down in the red seats (premium seats). The reason for this is because they are mostly corporate seats (you could be on a waiting list for your entire life and never get them). Corporate seats are rarely given to the same people; hence, you have "newbies".

In the blue seats, even at 10 years, I was a "newbie". Many of these people had their tickets for 25 or more years; handed down through generations (kind of like Giants' football tickets [g]). These people are friends, and they really want to keep their tickets. They aren't (as a rule) going to fight.

We ("BlueSeaters") got a bad rap from (mostly) Mike Lupica, "writer" (matter of opinion) for The NY Daily News (at the time). He'd write the nastiest stories about the "blue seats", most of which weren't true. (Well, OK, there was that 'Potvin Sucks' thing.....) So my friend Kenny and I offered on any number of occasions to buy beers for him and his body guard [small sarcastic joke re the body guard] so he could finally see *first-hand* what went on "upstairs". He never took us up on it -- we used to see him in the press room pre-game and he'd ignore us -- surprise!.

kritter, pre-1994, the Rangers were in the same boat as the Red Sox (but I still treasure 1986, and always will!). When the Rangers are out of it (like I said, it usually happens around January), I then kind of "root" for the Flyers in the playoffs (especially if they're playing the Devils).

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 06, 2000.

You people are just ungrateful is all. We take-out the turd Lindros, dust off the fake-ass "Stars" residing now in of all places, Dall- yass, and you whine? BTW, you Buffalo people are freaking cursed, don't even matter, Bills or Sabres, cursed.

Anyhow, may Jason Arnott wrap many in your local baskets this season. And will somebody go and rescue Emmitt from the airpit?

-- Doc Paulie (fannybubbles@usa.net), September 07, 2000.

that be armpit, but you already knew that, lol. Nice job Jerry Jones ya moron.

-- Doc Paulie (fannybubbles@usa.net), September 07, 2000.

Patricia, indeed the "I was given these tickets, I'm not a season ticket holder, so screw ya" red-seaters were/are by and large the troublemakers. No doubt.

Doncha miss the chant "1940!"? I sure as hell do. I know Doc does (grin). And I bet you can still hear the occasional "Potvin Sucks!" raining down from the blues! Or even nastier, "Potvin beats his wife". Which is why I think Lupica originally got on the blue- seaters, if memory serves.

Krit, Phiily teams have won their share. Flyers have two (would have been more if it weren't for Gretz, waaah), Sixers won in 1983, Phillies in 1980.

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 07, 2000.

Doc..LOL. "The turd Lindross"..heh. Ya know, I always liked Eric. He got me SOOO mad everytime the Rangers and Flyers played. I loved to hate him. He was my favorite bad guy. Poor Eric. :-)

(Rangers rumors - Messier returning? He isn't a great hockey player anymore..but we sure do miss the way he could stare someone down)

Patricia, I have also cheered the Flyers when the Rangers are obviously out of it (and you could tell early in the season the past few years..couldn't you?) but of course I enjoyed cheering the Devils in the Cup. LIving where I do in Jersey, one hour from Philly, ONe hour from New York, you have a choice of so many teams. I'm hoping for a good season from the Rangers this year, with Neil Smith gone and new management in place...I'm praying.

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 07, 2000.

kritter, I seem to remember they signed him over the summer (surely you heard me yelling "hooray" from 2500+ miles away, didn't you?!?!).

To me it doesn't really matter how "good" he is ON the ice; his presence in the lockerroom alone is worth whatever he asks. He just has a leadership quality about him that (I think) is unmatched by most (though, in many respects, I'd put Cal Ripken, Jr. in that category -- presence alone).

As to Lindros; well, I never liked the guy. I remember when he was first drafted by Quebec and he refused to report because they weren't a good team (they finished dead last the prior year, and had the first pick in the draft)! What a little ... had he reported to Quebec, he could have MADE them a good team. I always felt this was one case FOR collusion (sp?) by the owners; NO ONE should have signed him after that episode. Should have sent him packing to Europe or back to Junior.

I've never gotten over it :-)

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 07, 2000.

Get over it, Patricia!

Eric did not sign because the Quebec owner (name anyone?) was a nutcase. Complete and utter looney tune.

I'll never forget the story about Mess during the Ranger's cup winning season. The team was on a skid and had a day off. He paid for the entire team to enjoy the day out on the golf links. THAT, my friends, is leadership. Thing is one has to be able to perform at least marginally ON the ice, or the respect really doesn't amount to much. Methinks the man is washed up. We shall see.

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 07, 2000.

Washed up, but Patricia is right. There was something about him that made that team a team. Leech just hasn't been able to fill those shoes. When Mark left..the "old" Rangers ceased to be. You could always count on Mark to get a goal when it counted most, too. If it's true that they already signed him..I'll be thrilled. He belongs in New York. Now if only we can get Bouk out of retirement. Bouuuk!

(Infact, I'll GIVE you Leech...and even Richter...to have Mess back)

(PS..who didn't fully expect Alexi Kovalevs success after the Rangers traded him?)

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 07, 2000.

Well, the Wimp's public statement was that the team was a bunch of losers. No respect for the guy whatsoever.

As to Mess, well, washed up or not, you can't put a price tag on leadership (in this case, anyway). kritter's right; the minute he left, they ceased to be a "team". I like Leetch and all, but he just isn't the "leader" type. And he knows it, too; why else would he have so readily given up the "C" when Mess joined the team last time?

kritter, I ALWAYS expect "former Rangers" to be successful. It's one of those thangs. (Tony Granato, anyone?) Oh, and if you want to see something SO COOL, go here.

I think you're gonna love it :-)

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 07, 2000.

I'm a K.C. Chiefs fan. I'm also a masochist.

-- gilda (jess@listbot.com), September 07, 2000.

...and bitter...or so THEY say...grin

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 07, 2000.

LOL gilda!! Isn't that redundant? (Hey, I can say that -- look at the teams *I* like.)

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 07, 2000.

Thanks Patricia...awesome!! I'm looking forward to the new season now with renewed enthusiasm...!

MESS IS BACK! WOOHOO!

Now..how 'bout those Jets :-)

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 07, 2000.

Yes, that was redundant--rather like saying crooked lawyer--redundant.

-- gilda (jess@listbot.com), September 07, 2000.

gilda, you kill me! I think I'll start a "joke" thread with more redundancies.

kritter, I can't believe you're a Jets' fan, too!! I don't know what kind of hopes I should have for this Jets season; but I'm really looking forward to Rangers season starting on October 7 (in Atlanta?!?!?!). (I'm pretty sure I can get the games out here.)

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 07, 2000.

Bingo, if the Chiefs won't make you bitter, nothing will. :)

-- gilda (jess@listbot.com), September 08, 2000.