Communication difficulties : LUSENET : Asperger Adult Resources : One Thread

I found out my ex boyfriend has aspergers. He didnt tell me until he moved away. How can i get him to communicate with me more often without getting into arguments and just talking about the average day? (He talks more about himself and mostly goes on about the future). we are still friends. I could not get him to commit to the relationship.

-- jaye smith (, September 03, 2000


You've run head-on into "theory of mind" difficulties,one of Asperger's key features.Do yourself(and your friend)a favour and have a look at Tony Attwood's book.

-- Gary Watson (, September 08, 2000.

I'd also recommend Liane Willey's book "Pretending to Be Normal", she gives a wonderful first-person account of how an Aspie perceives relationships. I'm sure to my girlfriends (the few I managed to have) I had trouble with commitment. For example, one girl finally blasted me for not calling her all week, and then calling her Friday afternoon to find out what we were doing on the weekend. Until she let me know I had no idea that I should be talking to her through the week! So I set a rule to make sure I called her at least once between Sunday and Friday, sometimes twice and switching days so it didn't look too "programmed". Unfortunately, I learned a lot of social behavior this way, constructing rules once I become aware it was needed. To avoid arguments (since he probably "knows" he's right) you may try simply asking questions about things like relationships and feelings without getting argumentative yourself. You may also want to try to accept that he may never "feel" about a relationship the way you think he should.

-- Jeff Lamicela (, October 05, 2000.

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