There once was a young man who worked in Manhattan, who was doing very well in his job, except for one thing - he was usually 10 or 15 minutes late to work. Finally the boss called him in and said he was being a bad infuence on the other employees, and that in spite of his good work, if he didn't start showing up on time, he was going to have to be let go.

The following morning our hero was later than usual, and the boss called him in and said, "I hoped yesterday that a word to the wise would be sufficient, but I see that I was wrong."

The young man said, "Wait, wait, let me tell you what happened to me this morning. I have to drop my wife off at her job first so I called upstairs and said 'Honey, please hurry, because I am determined to be on time for work.' So half an hour later she came down ready to leave, plenty of time left. So I dropped her off and was driving in when suddenly there was a huge traffic jam. A drawbridge had been raised to let a ship through and had gotten stuck in the raised position. And the word was that it would take two hours to get it unstuck.

Well, that was just totally unacceptable, considering that I was determined to be on time. So I pulled the car over to the side, locked it up, and swam across the river. I was wearing my wash&wear suit, so that was OK, but the swim wasn't easy at all. There was a strong current, and I could only swim with one arm because I was holding my briefcase over my head with the other arm. But I finally made it to the opposite shore, and went down the road to where traffic was moving and tried to thumb a ride.

But no one gave me a lift, I guess because I didn't look so hot in my wet wash&wear suit. But finally a helicopter swooped down and I was offered a ride. It was going to the heliport on the roof of Rockefeller Center.

So after we got there, I was rushing down to street level when I got leg cramps and couldn't go any further. It had to have been the exertion of the swim. So I sank down in a chair, and, to be frank with you, Sir, I began to sob a little. That was how determined I was, to be on time for work.

A very statuesque young woman stopped and asked what was the matter. She was a Rockette, on a break from their morning rehearsal. When she heard my story, she took pity on me and gave me a piggyback ride the twelve blocks from Rockefeller Center to here.

And so here I am, Sir, only half an hour late!"

Then the young man noticed a bad sign. The boss's face was purple. Finally the boss's fury calmed down enough for him to speak. "I was actually going to give you one more chance, but I can't stand to have my intelligence insulted as badly as you have just done. Why, no woman has ever gotten ready in half an hour."

-- Peter Errington (petere@ricochet.net), August 29, 2000