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1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. When they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one naturally, was known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

4. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

5. A man entered his local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

6. A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named Amahl. The other went to a family in Spain; they named him Juan. Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amahl. Her husband responded, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."

7. Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the "men of God," the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good brothers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified,they did so, thereby proving: That Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

-- GigglesAndGrins (LightenUp@Smile.com), August 28, 2000


Exquisite! Thank you, G&G. My coffee almost came outta my nose on that last one...

-- eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), August 29, 2000.

There was a king of one of the islands in the South Pacific who began to collect the old chairs of past monarchs. He stored them in his traditional thatched roof hut.

The hut caught fire one night and his entire collection was lost. This proves the old saying:

People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

-- (hmm@hmm.hmm), August 29, 2000.

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