Your Favorite Curse (Misc)

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There are some words flying back and forth on the "political question" thread that basically breaks down to name calling. It's a temptation everyone faces in the heat of battle. And everyone knows a way of telling someone off that will make them laugh, but makes the point at the same time.

So, for some homespun Friday humor, what's you favorite way of telling someone where to get off, but at the same time keeping it light and not vulgar? I'll start...

"May a thousand fleas infest you armpits."

"Make sure the door doesn't hit you in the butt on your way out."

Next...............?

(:raig

-- Craig Miller (CMiller@ssd.com), August 11, 2000

Answers

(Peeking in foes ear) "Pilot light's out"



-- Connie (Connie@lunehaven.com), August 11, 2000.


The response, to be used following any statement made by "foe" that contains "I WANT....." --

"Yes, and people in hell want ice water."

-- Rachel (rldk@hotmail.com), August 11, 2000.


When demands are too much, tell them you'll do it , buy it, make it, etc. "the second Tuesday of next week" and ask if that'll be soon enough.

-- Cindy (atilrthehony_1@yahoo.com), August 11, 2000.

no curse,but I still love saying in response to anything truly inane,"That's enough to make a dog cry.".....God bless..

-- Lesley (martchas@gateway.net), August 11, 2000.

"Dumber than a box of ball-peen hammers". "She looks like when she was young her face caught on fire and her mother put it out with a hatchet". "Nasty enough to make a freight train take a dirt road". "His elevator is stuck between floors". GL!

-- Brad (Homefixer@SacoRiver.net), August 11, 2000.


All his dogs aren't barking up the same tree. And when reason fails, "Bite a rock."

-- Peg (NW WI) (wildwoodfarms@hushmail.com), August 11, 2000.

My favorite curse phrase "Your just plain GOFFY"

-- Mark (deadgoatman@webtv.net), August 11, 2000.

Pop's favorite is "You're missing a brick"; which tends to make folks look at him and wonder if perhaps he might be "one brick shy of a load". I also like "one pickle short of a barrel". When the teen-agers around here say something I find annoying, I point at them and say in my very best Mom-to-two-year-old-voice..."NO! BAD!" They usually apologize after they pick themselves up off the floor from laughing. At work, I use one eyebrow elevated and "I beg your pardon?", sometimes repeatedly. With co-workers, it's "refridgerator door is open - light bulb is out". ; >

-- Polly (tigger@moultrie.com), August 11, 2000.

This time of year it would be (may your zucchini plants continue to prosper). Last night I had steamed sliced zuchs under zuch pasta sauce. I swear I can't eat anymore!! Oh my gosh theres 4 more to pick!!!...Kirk...

-- Kirk Davis (kirkay@yahoo.com), August 11, 2000.

I don't know anyone who is 'ugly enough to scare a haint up a thorn bush' but I do know a few people ' with the personality of a box of rocks'.

-- Jackie (Jlynne058@cs.com), August 12, 2000.


I think it was Mark Twain who said "Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt"

-- john leake (natlivent@pcpros.net), August 12, 2000.

Oh, Lordy, where to begin (I'm printing this out after it fills up and dies down). How about: Sadder than a bassett hound with a wooden bone. Lamer than a one-legged in an ice rink. Be careful when you go home, lest your mother run from beneath the porch and bite your ankles. Uglier than discount spit. (can be spiced up by exchanging the "P" for an "h") Hotter than demon dung on a summer sidewalk. (for when a person is hoppin' mad!)

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), August 12, 2000.

That should be a one legged "DOG" in an ice rink. OOooopsie.

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), August 12, 2000.

To my children---Your mother made be build a special room for you to dispose of thoughts like those. Please push the flush handle when you express them !

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), August 12, 2000.

A response to follow any sentence that "foe" uses that began "I WISH.....":

"Wish into one hand, and spit into the other, and see which fills up faster."

-- Rachel (rldk@hotmail.com), August 12, 2000.



My favorite is I beleive a Chinese curse. May you live in interesting times

-- Susie Stretton (nightsong@beci.net), August 12, 2000.

My, you have all the pearls, but no string.

-- Linda Al-Sangar (alsangal@brentwood-tn.org), August 13, 2000.

He took a dive in the shallow end of the gene pool

-- (trigger@mcn.net), August 13, 2000.

i've always heard it said as "may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits"........not the sharpest knife in the drawer.......busier than a one-armed paperhanger.......busier than a 3 legged cat in the litter box.......yo momma is so fat her blood type is gravy....yo momma is so fat, if you told her to haul a** it would take 3 trips........about as bright as a burned out light bulb.........have a nice day----somewhere else.........some people can brighten a room, just by leaving it......

and my all time favorite....... " if your phone doesn't ring, it's me thinking about you " hehehheheee

life is serious, folks, but take time to laugh and giggle a bit, let off some steam and release some pressure

gene

-- gene ward (gward34847@aol.com), August 13, 2000.


Hey enough with the fat MaMa jokes !You got me lokking behind.

-- Patty (fodfarms@slic.com), August 13, 2000.

Gene - you didn't go far enough. It's "busier than a one-armed paperhanger with the hives". And another: "Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs". GL!

-- Brad (Homefixer@SacoRiver.net), August 13, 2000.

Seen on a t-shirt:

Your village called...

Their idiot is missing.

-- Polly (tigger@moultrie.com), August 13, 2000.


It's a bit off-color...but I heard a guy say once that he'd "rather kick second in a two-man balls kicking contest!" Sorry! :)

-- Shannon (Grateful Acres Animal Sanctuary) (gratacres@aol.com), August 13, 2000.

In response to a demand or unreasonable request --

"I don't see any hooks up your a** or trees in your way!"

Gets em every time.

-- Tracy (trimmer@westzone.com), August 13, 2000.


My favorite bumper sticker: "Thank you for not breeding."

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), August 15, 2000.

I like to remind my children M.O.M. is not short for "Maid of the Mansion"-- so, guess what my name is now??

-- (trigger@mcn.net), August 15, 2000.

"Your light may be on, but the bulb is only one watt" "You have a lot of class, too bad is third"

-- John H. (John@mridp.com), August 16, 2000.

Tracy, thanks for another one. I use: "why can't you do it for yourself, are your arms painted on?"

-- Rachel (rldk@hotmail.com), August 16, 2000.

He says he is playing with a full deck but he doesn't realizes it, that every time he loses a card someone replaces it with a joker.

-- Mary W (marwel@microserve.net), August 18, 2000.

"Flies dance opera to your wisdom"-----"Dustmites the world over love you for your feet"---"Thine right eye doth so radiate that thine left eye doth graze upon it!"-----"An ocean-going tin of crosseyed oysters could never match the melodious burpings of your last statement"----- "It is far better for you to make a profit than to be one"--Sonda in Ks.

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), August 18, 2000.

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