In honor of 'someone' turning a year older tomorrow, I thought I'd share a little humor I received in an email.

Top 10 Party Games For Old People

10. Sag! You're It!
9. Pin The Toupee On The Bald Guy
8. 20 Questions Shouted In Your Good Ear
7. Kick The Bucket
6. Red Rover Red Rover, The Nurse Says Bend Over
5. Doc Doc Goose
4. Simon Says Something Incoherent
3. Musical Recliners
2. Spin The Bottle Of Mylanta
And The Number 1 Party Game For Old People Is
1. Hide And Go Pee

FINALLY, SOME GREAT THINGS ABOUT GETTING OLDER:
* Finally you can eat dinner at 4:00
* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
* Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
* It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
* If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.
* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them.
* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
* Your eyes won't get much worse.
* Things you buy now won't wear out.
* No one expects you to run into a burning building.
* There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
* Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
* In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LON!!! :-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), August 07, 2000

Answers

SO!! Ol rubber nose shares something with Mrs. Driver, huh???

Happy birthday, dude. May BOTH you Leo's have LOTS more.

CHuck

-- Chuck, a Night Driver (reinzoo@en.com), August 07, 2000.

Wow, Gayla, I KNOW some of those games.

Happy Birthday, Lon.

gene

-- gene (ekbaker@essex1.com), August 07, 2000.

!!!!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Best Wishes to both Mrs. Driver and Lon!

--The Bears

-- LillyBear (homesteader145@yahoo.com), August 08, 2000.

Gayla, I think you may be enjoying this a leeetttle too much.

And the Barker and Lillybear! Man, I'm gonna have to get more fig newtons and Koolaid!

Thanks, everyone. I had intended to write another year's update, but the muse is on vacation, I guess. But Kit and I start travelling in a week or so, and I'll try to bring back snapshots.

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), August 08, 2000.

Well, well, now. Aint THIS just dandy.

I see all youse guys lined up for fig newterns and grape koolaid, but I dont see any presents with MY name on em, do I?

Nosiree, cause nobody thinks about ol Lon Frankenstien. Nobody CARES about MY feelins. Just because I was more or less thrown together, nobody thinks I got a birthday, too.

I mean, Im a good lookin guy. Im not missing any noticable parts. My bolts are on straight. I got this neat flat-top, and my ears nearly match.

So, whats the problem? Why dont nobody send ME one a them cute little cards sayin Happy Day You Was Made, or, Another Years Gone By, how you holdin together?. Or, or, one a them rhymin cards, like I saw once: .

Your species, were not too sure of,

Your brain is just grey goo,

But youre the guy we wants some more of,

So, Happy Builtday to you.

-

(sigh)

But, do I care what you think? NOOOO! Do I need a little pome from Trish? A recipe for some hideous, chocolate monstrosity from sis? A coherent sentence from Robert Cook? NO! I dont need ya. (And I STILL dont need to be held in the firm immensity of Helens bossom, neither!)

So, dont throw me no pardy. Dont send me no cards. Dont sacrifice any young virgins on MY special day.

BUT, when the moon rises late, through the mists and shades of the deep bayou, DO, dear friends, DO, lock your doors and pull up the covers, (and keep in the sheep).

NYA-HA-HA

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-- Lon Frankenstien (Evil@twins.Rus), August 08, 2000.

Happy Birthday, Lon, Tari and Evil Twin(s)!

May you all live long and wonderfully happy lives... and may we meet before all those games aren't funny any more :-)

.

And a present for LonFrankenstein...

.

You're so wonderful

You enliven this forum

Tickle funny bones!

.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), August 08, 2000.

Oh, Yeah! Nice try, there Trish.

NOW you got a pome for me. Now that I done got my sensitive nature bashed up like a Yugo in a demolition derby. Now that Ive suffered the slings and arrows of unrequited affection. Now that my borrowed marrow moans in a wilderness filled only with the aimless shells of men, misbegotten in their feable attempts to gain the simple solace of mortal kindness.

NOW, you throw me a bone. Now that my heart has been squshd like a bug in your teeth as you blithely ride by on the Harley of human compassion. Now that Ive been relegated to the baggage compartment on your concorde of cuddle. Now that my speedboat of snuggle has run aground on your rocks of rejection.

Well, I got news fer ya, Toots. Heres a little haiku medley for you, too (if you dare!):

-

Bring in all the cats

And count all the doggies twice

Bayou moon tonight.

-

Creeping through the mud

With a shiver and slither

Bayou moon tonight

-

Eyes deep-water dark

Countenance of cold intent

Bayou moon tonight

-

Rising late it comes

And whispers you a nightmare

Bayou moon tonight

-

The stars falling down

The mists rising in your thoughts

Bayou moon tonight

-

Bayou moon has come

Its watching and its waiting

Sighing in the night.

-

NYA-HA-HA!!!!

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-- Lon Frankenstien (Evil@twins.Rus), August 08, 2000.

Wellllll, if I were talented and capable like Gayla, I'd show a picture of me shivering in my boots; but since I can't do that, guess I'll just have to haiku again ;-)

.

Bayou moon's scary!

Almost as scary as Lon

The Evil Twin Lon!

.

Lon Frankenstein writes

poems that make me shudder

Just like he wanted!

.

Bayou crocodiles

Have nothing on Frankenstein

He scares them silly!

:-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), August 08, 2000.

*Someone* else I know

Has a birthday coming soon

It's on Saturday!

-- Brooke (Happiness@Hill.top), August 09, 2000.

Happy Birthday Lon!

-- helen (home@home.home), August 09, 2000.

Thanks, Helen and Gene, and everyone!

And cheers to someone getting older on the hilltop! (Brook, I posted that recipe you wanted in the thread what are you canning this summer?)

----

From a card I recieved:

They tell me that youll lose your mind when you grow older. What they dont tell you is that you wont miss it very much.-------------Malcom Cowley

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), August 11, 2000.

I had a mind??!??

I'd forgotten that ;-)

What is a mind, anyway? Does it do any good?

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), August 11, 2000.

I found some more! :-)

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE' WHEN........
1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), August 25, 2000.

LOL, Gayla! And was that "Chicken Dancing" on the egg thread yours? It needs the song... where'd DiETer go? ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), August 26, 2000.