BARBIE

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this from my wife's email:

(I started to post it under kritter's name, but I ain't no coward, I can stand the heat, I can take my licks. [I would probably get busted anyway])

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>> Finally a Barbie I can relate to! At long last, here >> are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging >> gracefully. >> These are a bit more realistic... >> >> 1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of >> blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors >> (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print >> editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living. >> >> 2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and >> watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of >> perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with >> hand-held fan and tiny tissues. >> >> 3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels >> shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy >> tweezers and magnifying mirror. >> >> 4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps >> with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the >> tummy front, too -- muumuus with tummy-support panels are >> included. >> >> 5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto >> heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty >> arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and >> plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. >> >> 6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky >> crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, >> from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics. >> >> 7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a >> cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her >> old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. >> Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler >> filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch. >> >> 8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. >> Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) >> is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. >> They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for >> the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of >> "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do." >> >> 9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with >> Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat. >> >> 10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally >> caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve >> Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going >> to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big >> Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke. >> >> 11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her >> pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and >> cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch >> watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with >> Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting >> In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included. >>

PS to Robert Cook - If you value your life on this forum, I wouldn't comment on any of the above, if I were you.

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), August 02, 2000

Answers

Well, maybe one of youse "dolls" could straighten out the format?

(I'm just feeling mean, 'cause I got a birthday comin' up, and it's been hardly no time since the last one!)

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), August 02, 2000.


I've been told I can't comment on Lon's new bust in this thread ..... so I won't.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), August 04, 2000.

Ever hear of Mensa Barbie? She comes with her own think tank, batteries not included! :-)

-- Tim (pixmo@pixelquest.com), August 04, 2000.

Does she come with a bigger bust than Lon?

Does Lon have a thin think tank toop?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), August 04, 2000.


Lon: I know it's a bit late for "straightening" this out for you but I got such a big laugh out of it that I thought I'd give the ole HTML a whirl:

Finally a Barbie I can relate to! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large- print >> editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too -- muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

Thanks for the laugh, Lon, and Happy Birth/Built Day! Linda

-- formerly newbie (jmcintyre1@mmcable.com), August 22, 2000.



Oops, forgot to close the bold! Sorry...

-- Linda former newbie (jmcintyre1@mmcable.com), August 22, 2000.

Close, I tell you! Ah, much better!

-- former newbie (jcmintyre1@mmcable.com), August 22, 2000.

Well, poo! Someone help the girl!

-- former newbie now stupid html user (jmcintyre1@mmcable.com), August 22, 2000.

thanks a lot, Linda. I can't even say HTML.

and thanks for the b-day wish, too. It has been a couple of weeks, and I'd totally forgotten about it. But, thanks SO MUCH for bringing it up again! (don't worry, I'll probably forget about it again after my nap)

:-)

p.s. glad to see you still around. The circus still lives.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), August 22, 2000.


Okay - So Lon, now that the threads have been fixed by "nolongernewbie" are you no longer busted?

Does that mean you're shorter busted? Have you been fixed too? Or should I not ask such personal questions?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), August 23, 2000.



OMG, if it isnt Robert Cook, Sure good to see you and your humor.

-- a friend (friendsr@us.com), August 23, 2000.

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