So I'm in a relationship and I have a minor crush. Is this bad? Have you been on any side of this situation before?

-- Piper (piperdane@yahoo.com), July 26, 2000

Answers

Of course. It is natural and human. I think that most people set themselves up for disaster when they think that having crushes when you are in a r'ship with someone is abnormal. Like, your boyfriend is the only person you are going to be attracted to for the whole entire time you are involved. Wrong.

This is how I look at it. If you are monogamous you are going to be tempted. What you do with the temptation is up to you. If you are non-monogamous, there is still temptation. Again, what you do with it is the answer.

Personally, just from my life experiences, I would call or write to Scott and let him know that you miss him and are lonely. I don't think I would say anything about the crush because it might make him feel defensive and insecure. If, however, it seems to be turning into something more than a one-sided crush, then you address it, with the other guy, yourself and Scott.

Do you want to be monogamous at this point in your life? Is being attracted to other people okay with you? Is not seeing other people something that is assumed in your current relationship, or is it something the two of you have discussed and agreed upon?

Believe me, if it wasn't normal there wouldn't be infidelity. The Old Lady Who Isn't Monogamous, But Still Gets Crushes on Mono Guys

-- Von (vonniern@alltel.net), July 26, 2000.

Von, you're incredible. :) Thank you.

-- Piper (piperdane @yahoo.com), July 26, 2000.