March 1999: Y2k called HOAX.greenspun.com : LUSENET : TB2K spinoff uncensored : One Thread
Hoax By Paul Somerson, PC Computing February 15, 1999 9:00 PM PT URL:
It was one heck of a New Year's. In Times Square they released balloons, fired up a searchlight supposedly visible from Mars, and, of course, dropped the 500-pound aluminum ball. (Not to be outdone, revelers on the roof of the Lebanon Unfinished Furniture building in the Pennsylvania pig-snout capital lowered their own 100-pound ball, made entirely of baloney.) But just wait till next year, say the Y2K alarmists. The fireworks will come from starving, frozen, gun-waving hordes rioting in the streets. It'll be economic meltdown, the end of civilization as we know it, Judgment Day.
Doom Here's their goofball scenario: Computers everywhere will choke when the calendar flips to 00. So will 50 billion embedded chips. The power grid will fail. No lights. No heat. No phone. No banks or ATMs. No juice for pumps, so no water, no gas. No gas means no food deliveries.
It gets worse. Nuclear power plants run amok. Prison gates spring open and criminals all scamper away. Terrorists seize the moment and attack with chemical and biological bombs. The military's high-tech weapons fail, and foreign enemies swarm across our borders. With no water, the smallest blaze fans into a firestorm that reduces every city to cinders. The only thing that will work are lawyers waiting to pounce on the little bit of money left over in a tidal wave of liability lawsuits.
The Red Cross is worried enough that it added a Y2K entry to its Web site, right up there with earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, and tornadoes. The National Guard is rumored to be drawing up mobilization plans, with a sanitized dry run in May. Even the straight-laced New York Times reported that 10 percent of the nation's top executives are stockpiling food, ordering generators, and buying guns.
Religious zealots have started relocating to remote Y2K survival sites: High 54 Ranch in Arizona, Prayer Lake in Arkansas, and God's Wilderness in Minnesota. New members are asked to bring food and ammo.
So, is the sky really falling? Will 1/1/00 truly be the Day the Earth Stood Still? Should you buy K rations, and pack heat? Get real.
Y2K misinformation comes from three sources. Most is from scare-mongering consultants, who gleefully predict companies will bleed $600 billion in fixes. Some larger Y2K firms are charging over $100,000 a day.
A lot comes from wide-eyed conspiracy crazies convinced the Feds will use such chaos to impose martial law, confiscate property, break up families, and create a new currency system, with piles of new bills stashed in Canadian warehouses. And the rest is from religious kooks bracing for Armageddon.
Gulp But businesses aren't stupid. The stock market and most big banks have already addressed the problem. So have the power companies, according to the North American Electric Reliability Council. They're all so terrified by endless litigation that they'll make sure they're ready to handle the dreaded 00.
You can be sure of a few things. First, there will be brushfires next January, but nothing apocalyptic--and besides, this will clear out the deadwood of aging technology. Second, anytime any dimwit makes any computer mistake for the next few years, they'll blame it on the Y2K. And finally, the Millennium Bug will enter the Urban Legend Hall of Fame, right next to the Kentucky Fried Rat, the Michelangelo Virus, and Missing Kidneys in the Bathtub Full of Ice. It's the biggest baloney ball of all.
-- cpr (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 09, 2000
IT'S A SUBSET OF THE SET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, sorry. Wrong thread.
-- J (Y2J@home.comm), July 09, 2000.
J, charlie is a SUBSET OF A SUBSET OF A SET... the SET is " people that are really boreing"... the first subset is "people that can only talk about one subject, and are really boreing"... charlie is in the second subset of the first subset of the set... " people that post compulsively, about one subject, that are really boreing"... hope this helps :-)
-- Netghost (email@example.com), July 09, 2000.
Talk about beating a dead horse.Are you still living in 1999 cpr?
-- Dan Newsome (BOONSTAR1@webtv.net), July 09, 2000.
HEY CHEF, STICK A FORK IN THAT Y2K IT THINK IT'S DONE. WHAT'S THAT.. IT'S BURNT? CHARRED TOAST? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. THROW IT OUT AND COOK UP SOMETHING FRESH FOR ME.
-- (BIG@TEXT.MAN), July 09, 2000.
Don't forget about the chips in the flashlite batteries.
-- jj (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 09, 2000.
cpr, I realize the road you traveled, is far different than mine. I had visited all the Government Sites, for so long. Circumstance has it, my DGI spouse was working on personal printer problem today, and what do they print out, an old stashed word perfect of "The Pentagon Papers of Y2K". True it was promoted was none other than Mr. Jim Lord. But my eyes were wide open for two years when I visited every government and non government site, there was to be visited. They knew nothing. Except for the economy. Someone, along the way, spake a true word, about the economy. I have been led through this economy thing, 30 years ago, only I was too stupid to realize it then, and I made the same mistake, twice. Because I have a remurbance (misp)of hard stories, taught down from past generations. I was blessed in the 60's, the 80's, and the 90's. And I sit here in my first BFE double wide, wondering why the hell am I living in a double wide, surely the thing must be alive, only in my minds eye. Until I enter the Grocery Store, and see prices escaluting. Single pack of twelve coke once two for five, is now today, two for eight. I did not dream this shit up, I am only a messenger. Rice is a grain, and it lasts forever. Live for grain. And I don't care who the BFE questions my motives.
-- Papa was (@email@example.com), July 09, 2000.
This huge font is too hard to read, IMO.
-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 09, 2000.
Quote from a 1997 Mystery Guest --
"If YOU don't believe there is a real Year 2000 Computer Problem; Trust me, You WILL...ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME."
-- (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 13, 2000.
Hoax or Had to?
-- hoax (email@example.com), July 14, 2000.
Speaking of hoaxes, I was at a hospital yesterday, and saw "2000 compliant" stickers pasted everywhere, on X-ray wall readouts, wall oxigen terminals, even on a decidedly non-computerized weighing scales.
I just wonder how the heck the Y2K consultants kept a straight face when they submitted their no-doubt-outrageous bill.
-- Morgan (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 14, 2000.