The doomzies "logic" today and when they were younger

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TB2K spinoff uncensored : One Thread

The Original Joke of the Day http://www.joker.org

*********************************************************************


Worst Analogies (found in High School papers)

---------------

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

The Famous Joke of the Day One Liner!

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

*********************************************************************** mailto:subscribe-joker@send.memail.com

-- cpr (buytexas@swbell.net), July 06, 2000

Answers

[The cost of a gallon of gas] is less than a HAPPY MEAL or a Gallon of Milk or 2 2liters of Classic or Diet Coke(Cola). -- cpr, July 5, 2000

-- (Just.Keeping.You@Honest.Dude), July 06, 2000.

Want to enter your post as another example of your inability to process information? How do my FACTS that gas is cheaper than a Happy Meal, or gal. of milk .....keep me honest?



-- cpr (buytexas@swbell.net), July 06, 2000.


Does cpr have any idea how much he sounds like Paul Milne? It's frightening!

-- (coupla@swell.guys), July 06, 2000.

It is very difficult to write this badly this well. I have a hard time swallowing the suggestion that all these were written by high school students. Instead, they sound suspiciously like entries written for the Bulwer-Lytton Contest, a contest for the worst first line of an imaginary novel. (I have a couple of entries in it this year.)

The contest receives its name from Lord Bulwer-Lytton, who had an uncanny talent for dreadful first lines, including the now-famous, "It was a dark and stormy night."

-- Brian McLaughlin (brianm@ims.com), July 06, 2000.


up here in wisconsin,gas has been more expensive than milk.Dat's da fact Jack.Oh,yeah,those simelies were great.

-- ~zoobie (zoobiezoob@yahoo.com), July 06, 2000.


>> Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? <<

Yup. It's called the "obverse" side.

-- Brian McLaughlin (brianm@ims.com), July 06, 2000.


Where's the upside? theres gottab be an upside. who sucked out the feeling?

-- ThamyZamy (Mammy@wammy.pajammy), July 07, 2000.

Want to enter your post as another example of your inability to process information? How do my FACTS that gas is cheaper than a Happy Meal,or gal. of milk .....keep me honest? -- July 06, 2000

Okay, MR. MENSA-MATERIAL MAN... I'll type slow, so you don't fall too far behind... A paper clip costs less than a gallon of gas, too. When you can compare apples to apples, let me know. Until then, you're just another blowhard with an overinflated ego.

-- (Just.Keeping.You@Honest.Dude), July 07, 2000.


Moderation questions? read the FAQ