19 Things That Took Me 50 years to learn

1. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

2. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

17. When God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

19. Your friends love you, anyway.

-- Getting (down@to.business), June 07, 2000

Answers

CUTE, but not scriptural.GOD has alway,s used messengers. the message divides,exposing the heart. GOD spoke thru HIS servant ISSIAH, saying>>the heart of MAN is desperatly wicked.[man proposes--GOD disposes] heaven & earth[as we know it] SHALL pass away---but THE WORD OF GOD REMAINITH--FOREVER.

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), June 07, 2000.

Isn't it enough that we get these things via a forward re: forward re:forward from everybody who was our e-mail addresses?

-- (stop@the.insanity), June 07, 2000.

Well I enjoyed it! Thanks.

-- Will (righthere@home.now), June 08, 2000.

"Getting", I enjoyed it! I get a whole lot of forwarded funny stuff, had not seen this one. Thank you for a laugh!

-- Laughter (andgoodness@bounds.com), June 08, 2000.

Maybe everyone should start a new thread with each one they receive, and then the character above 'stoptheinsanity' will go insane?

-- straight jacket to table three, please (lol@giggle.snort), June 08, 2000.