Christians: DO NOT READ THIS; you might be forced to THINK! Remember: DON'T read this. DON'T blame me if you get upset when you read it. DON'T read it!greenspun.com : LUSENET : TB2K spinoff uncensored : One Thread
Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homo- sexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some acvice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
To all you christers who couldn't resist reading this, regardless of all my caveats, I hope you were not unduly offended. To everyone else, I hope you got a little bit of a laugh, as I did.
-- Lucifer Damien (email@example.com), June 06, 2000
Third time this has been published. Try a more original copy n paste.
-- Lars (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 06, 2000.
Is this "Dumb Down the Forum" week?
Was I the only one not to receive advance notice of this historic event?
I can't afford to lose any more brain cells. Please, make them STOP!
-- Bingo1 (email@example.com), June 06, 2000.
Bingo, hope to see you tonite at Bok's. I may be a little late.
-- Flash (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 06, 2000.
-- FutureShock (email@example.com), June 06, 2000.
I am very upset and it is all your fault Lucifer!
-- Christian (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 07, 2000.
SORRY DAMIEN, of course JESUS said satan is father of all liars.ya just can,t help yourself'can yu.?homosexuality is a spirit.so is murder'so is pornography'so is drug & alcohol addiction/on & on. like the bible say,s''as a moth is attracted to the flame--so man is bound by sin''BUT there is a DELIVERER. WITH GOD=ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. JESUS DIED FOR ALL TYPES OF SINNERS. SIN IS SIN-BONDAGE IS BONDAGE--NO MATTER THE FLAVOR.
-- al-d. (email@example.com), June 07, 2000.
al-d, you need a really god lay. OOps, make that a good lay. Your a man arent you? O hell, who cares, I'll gieve you a lay you wont forget either way. Love ya!
-- hot mama (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 07, 2000.
Burn baby, BURN!
Time's almost up, "lucy".....smoking or non-smoking?
-- conserg (email@example.com), June 07, 2000.
Hey Lucifer, why don't you take a little time off and get yourself an education. I would suggest a course of study in Biblical Hermenuetics. Perhaps this would wise you up enough so that you would no longer feel the need to embarass yourself by posting such dross on the internet.
-- Another Christian (you@mustBe.depressed), June 08, 2000.
Ah, Lucifer....still the ignorant, I see. Playing the same old game? It hasn't gotten old for you after 6,000 years?
As usual, you forgot the part about me sacrificing myself once for all and fulfilling the Law....its usefullness of pointing out sin is replaced by the coming of the Holy Spirit.
But....you never could get those Scriptures figured out... could you?
-- Jesus (formerly@of.Nazareth), June 08, 2000.
You, "Jesus": you aren't fooling me, your not fooling anybody! Your an imposter and an impersonater. FUCK YOU, JESUS, YOU IMPOSTER!
And your right, after 6000 years I'm still not bored. I just got a new way of reaching you suckers! In fact, after 6000 milleniums! Hahahahahaha!
I warned you christerbabies not to come read this. now your hooked- I've GOT you!
-- Lucifer Damien (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 09, 2000.