Everybody does something better than anyone else, even if it's something small as balancing peanuts on their nose, they can do it with grace and aplomb (nice girls). Mine is dialects, I have absolute confidence in my abilities in that area. C'mon, don't be shy, what's your forte?

-- Kymm (hedgehog@hedgehog.net), June 04, 2000

Answers

Learning foreign languages and matching natural, original language dialect and accent. (Which is completely useless, but it makes me the fun chick at the party who can curse in seven languages, and do a cool British accent.) Useless or not at this point in my life, I still learn languages better than ANYONE. I rock! Woo!

-- Saundra (scrnwrtr1@home.com), June 04, 2000.

I have no illusions. I know I am not the best in the world. But...I'm a damn, damn good writer. Who doesn't write nearly as often as she should. And for some reason, who expects to be famous anyway. You know, everyone should just gravitate towards my fabulousness and love me immensely, and come see my website and send me much praise and tons of love. Just because I'm there.

Though, as Saundra-500-query-letters can agree, it doesn't work like that. It should (right?). But it doesn't.

Yeah, so writing. That's what I rock at. And it's the only thing you're ever going to hear me say I do well.

-- Jen (maharishe@yahoo.com), June 04, 2000.

One time a reporter called me and asked me if I was the Jack Saunders who was nominated for the position of Poet Laureate of the State of Florida.

Turns out I was, and the State of Florida didn't let me know.

The reporter asked me who I thought the best poet in the state was and I said, "Me."

In his story, he caught several nominees by surprise, and asked them all that question, and they all said they were.

People you had never heard of. It was funny. Kind of pathetic.

But you have to think you're the best to do it at all. If you don't, the rejection will eat you alive.

You can't compare something moving along two axes at the same time.

You can say I have written more than this person, or I have been rejected longer than that person, but it doesn't make sense--there's no way to measure it--to say I have written more books, with less in the way of success, than anyone I ever heard of.

How many books have I written? 167, 168 in progress.

How many books have I sold to New York or Hollywood?

None.

How long have I been at it? 29 years in August.

Am I getting slower?

I am getting faster.

Are the books any good?

Let's just say it's more likely that they are rejected for some reason other than their quality than that none of them is good enough to publish. Something else must be involved.

What can that be?

Read the books and see. They seem fine, to me. Or I'd change them.

They have their faults, and I am aware of what those are. You don't spend the time I have spent doing something and not be aware of your weaknesses.

Why keep the faults? They're part and parcel of the whole. The strengths and the faults are inseparable. Love me, love my dog. It's of a piece--unified, organic...purple, twitching, hideous: the full magnolia.

Just call me America's greatest living unpublished, or underpublished writer, perhaps the greatest unpublished, or underpublished American writer ever. Moving the stob with every book.

-- Jack Saunders, The Daily Bugle (www.thedailybugle.com) (jacksaunders@mindspring.com), June 04, 2000.

I'm great at writing song parodies. Alternate words, many verses' worth, just come to me. But many people consider this a rather annoying talent.

-- Catherine deCuir (journals.guide@about.com), June 04, 2000.

I cook better than anyone I know.

But, I am in no way the best cook in the world.

-- Jackie (jackie@jackie.nu), June 04, 2000.

Rob cooked professionally and even trained as a chef, before wising up and going into computers. Oddly, he still thinks he can cook *just* as well as me, but- and he refuses to believe this- it just ain't so.

I'm the best cook in the family. My grandmother the chef says so, even.

So what do I do for a living? Um... I'm an artist at large. In fact, I am the Artist at Large.

Heh. Let's see if my code works...

-- Cameron (cameron@cimtegration.com), June 04, 2000.

I think all of these answers are so cool. People think I'm conceited because I think I'm good at things, but the Poet Laureate nominee up there is right, if you don't think you're good at it, why would you do it?

There are plenty of things that I'm crappy at, keeping the house clean, being on time places, trying new things, answering phone calls and emails in a timely manner, in fact I'm probably the worst procrastinator you know (hey! Another thing I'm best at!), and I try to get better at them, and Lord knows there's lots of things that I'm just okay at and should improve, but I like concentrating on the things that I am good at, like when I'm singing and I'm in good voice and I feel as though I can fly, or when I show someone a picture that I took of them and they start to cry because they didn't know they were that beautiful.

Everyone is taught not to be vain about themselves and their accomplishments, but there is a difference in bragging and being obnoxious and simply taking pleasure in doing something as well as it can be done.

-- Kymm (kymmz1@yahoo.com), June 04, 2000.

Oh hey, yeah. I'm the best at being rejected! (Thanks for reminding me, Jen! *grin*) That's TWO things I'm the best at.

-- Saundra (scrnwrtr1@home.com), June 04, 2000.

Cooking is ththing I am absolutely best at. Oddly discovered skill though, I leapt into a 6 month cooking certificate at a TAFE (Technical and Further Education) college, purely to escape from the drudgery of working in the Australian Tax Office. I've been told by almost everyone I've cooked for that mine is the best food they've ever tasted, and by similar numbers of people that they'd happily sit down in a restaurant and pay for my food. Not to mention the creme brulee that had a brother and sister friends simultaneously propse marriage. I'd like to think I write well, but with cooking I have no insecurities. Providing I know what you're allergic to, and what foods you absolutely hate, I could cook for anyone with absolute confidence. Put me in social situations and I'm likely to choke, remnants of a shy childhood, but put me in the same situation with food, and I'm the Queen of the room.

-- Amanda Page (amanda@amandasprecipice.com), June 04, 2000.

Can't belive that I've known you as long as I have and never eaten anything that you've cooked, Amanda! And I'm a challange, too, 'cause I'm the pickiest eater alive. Hey, something else I'm good at, rejecting food!

Not quite good enough, though, considering the size of my ass...

-- Kymm (kymmz1@yahoo.com), June 04, 2000.

I was actually thinking abut you, Kymm, when I sid "and tell me what foods you asolutely hate". You, I think I'd take you shopping with me, picking out the ingredients, and then make something from there!

That could be a new Cooking show really, couldn't it? Cooking for Kymm, first you have to guess which of the ingredients she'll eat, then you have to cook something that she'll like! Make Gordon Ellio the host, and I'm there.

-- Amanda Page (amanda@amandasprecipice.com), June 05, 2000.

Sex.

(well, not that I've taken a huge poll or that I can compare to everyone around me or anything, but sometimes you know when you're just damned good at something.)

-- toni (toni@la-lagniappe.com), June 05, 2000.

It's no big thing, but it's mine, all mine. I know all the lyrics to all songs of the 30's, 40's, and 50's. (After that, I got busy...well, some of the 60's too.) All lyrics to all Christmas carols. Broadway shows, ditto. Can you tell my dad was a really good vocalist? He even sang on the radio in Pittsburgh. I'm a real killer at "name that tune".

-- Judy (tdfarre@attglobal.net), June 05, 2000.

I have a very good memory for things I've read or heard. Song lyrics, poetry, passages from books, dates, trivia, etc. I'd be one hell of a Jeopardy! contestant.

I'm also a very good present-giver. I love giving presents, and I like to take the time to really think about the person and what he/she would like. I get a little obsessive about it, but that's all part of the fun.

-- Laura (lbhelfrich@yahoo.com), June 05, 2000.

Saundra! no, geeze, I didn't mean to imply that you're good at rejection! I meant to imply, you know, that it's hard to be a writer, no matter how good you are, because nobody understands genius and you're misunderstood and underappreciated! Misunderstood! Underappreciated!

I guess I was just too darn subtle. Damn my hide.

I thought of another thing I'm good at: being misunderstood in all facets of my silly little life. Sigh.

One more thing: yes, I can massage your feet 'til you cry with pleasure. I pride myself on giving such good massages that you feel like you're walking on itty fluffy cloud things when you finally stand up. And no, it's not from lack of circulation, thank you very much.

Everyone: we are a rockin', varied, talented group, aren't we? Go us, man.

-- Jen (maharishe@yahoo.com), June 05, 2000.

Oh, Jen, it was a joke. I was laughing at myself. And really, I am very good at being rejected. Sometimes I send queries to people who wouldn't possibly have anything to do with me, just so I get a neat rejection their letterhead. I have a New Yorker, a Michael Eisner, a Steven Spielberg. . .

-- Saundra (scrnwrtr1@home.com), June 05, 2000.

Voices & dialects are my forti. Name a Simpsons character, odds are I can do the voice close to spot on. The dialects talent was likely borne from being a military brat growing up, being exposed to a wide variety of accents and dialects from each new posting. 3 years in Newfoundland followed by 2 years in Bermuda with a dash of Pensacola somewhere in between will do that to you.

-- Ron Collings (dragon@crescentschool.org), June 05, 2000.

D'oh! I almost forgot; I'm a master of useless knowledge. I'd be a perfect fit for Jeopardy or that Who Wants To Be A Gazillionare? (automatic currrency converstion to CDN$ there) show.

Every year at the school where I work, we've had a staff jeopardy tournament, with teams of 3. The finals are invariably between the team I'm a member of and the team headed by our librarian, a B.I.C. (Bronx Irish Catholic) who was a contestant on the original Jeopardy way back when before she moved to Toronto. Talk about your Clash Of The Titans!

-- Ron Collings (dragon@crescentschool.org), June 05, 2000.

I paint better than anyone I know. And I do know other artists! :)

-- Ann Monroe (monroe@chorus.net), June 05, 2000.

yeah, I know, Saundra. I thought it was pretty funny that it could inadvertantly be an awful, terrible thing to say. It's pretty much a Jen Thing that friends have come to expect...

When I actually get off my butt and submit, I hope I am as graceful under fire.

In the meantime, I'm off to practice my cooking, poetry, fucking and song lyric learning, because damn if I don't want to be left behind by all you Talent.

-- Jen (maharishe@yahoo.com), June 05, 2000.

I make damn fine cookies. I've had proposals of marriage over my cookies. I won't say they're the best in the world, because I've had better, but I've never had a complaint and I've had many, many compliments.

Baking is definitely my forte, but I'm a pretty good cook too. I can make almost anything from a recipe and I come up with some pretty good ideas myself. I have to, I'm a picky eater. I bow to Kymm in the 'picky eater' category, but I'm pretty picky. I only eat three vegetables and when you get down to it, two of them really aren't veggies :)

Colleen

-- Colleen (triggirl@yahoo.com), June 05, 2000.

Okay, it took me two whole days to think of something I truly think I'm better at than anyone else I know, and this is it:

I'm the best present-wrapper I know.

Okay, it doesn't seem like much, but damn, I wrap a fine present! I start thinking about the wrappings I'm going to do for Christmas sometime around the 4th of July. I have a stock of cool papers and ribbons and tie-ons to rival anyone. I know how to make a box that looks like a star, and one that looks like a tree, and how to wrap anything from pyramids to spheres to cylanders.

I once considered opening a gift-wrapping store, where I'd sell nothing but the best papers and bows and tie-ons, as well as offering custom wrapping.

Come to think of it, that's still not such a bad idea...

-- Patrick (xingcat@yahoo.com), June 06, 2000.

I am 100% confident in my knowledge and understanding of classical music.

And I can spot a born-again Christian long before he/she/it says a single word about being saved. It's uncanny, I used to amaze my friends at Interlochen with new staff members, I could always spot them. And I was always right.

And of course, I can play The Mexican Hat Dance on my trombone at any level of drunkenness...

-- Rob Rummel-Hudson (rhudson@mail.digitalism.com), June 06, 2000.

I tell funny stories very well in person, even about the time my dad found me stealing the jellybeans at 5am two nights running when I was about four.

I remember practically everything, and if I remember it I remember ALL of it. I'm the one at saying: "No, it was a Tuesday in 1996, don't you remember, because we were going to Tech Squares only Marc's car broke down, and we had to wait for the bus instead, and it was that maniac who drove the Judge Dredd number 1 bus, the guy who sometimes left the doors open when we were going over the bridge? Right, and you didn't have sixty cents so we were all fishing in our pockets for it, because you left your change at home because it always falls out when you're dancing, and that's why Ika had her backpack open, so everything fell on the floor."

You're the one saying: "Are you just making this up?" but I'm not.

-- Jessie (sorokin@alum.mit.edu), June 06, 2000.

I can instantly hang spoons on my nose no matter where we are or what size spoon, I can get any man to waltz, (don't give me any left feet crap...I mean it I have never met a man I can't show how to dance.)And finally I am the best maid of Honor you will ever have. So far I have done it three times, and will again this summer. It's really a marvel. My last friend seriously said she had such a wonderful wedding because she literally did not have to think at all about where the napkins went or who had the garter to throw or any old junk. I should be rented out.

-- anonymously answered, June 07, 2000

Sex, I don't know Toni so I can't say if I am better than her but I am the best at sex as far as anyone I know... Why? cause while I am an excellent cook I would rather have sex than eat. I do it with more care and attention than cooking and the world could up and burn to a cinder while I am engaged in sex and I would not notice till we are done. I know that as a guy I am supposed to like it, but with me its much more. It punches my ticket, validates me in a way. I think love is the base of life. I do not sleep around and would not have sex with anyone I did not care a great deal about. I will without question have sex with my friends,, cause I love them,, During sex nothing else matters but showing love, tenderness and enough passion to cleanse your soul.

-- Daniel (truth60@yahoo.com), June 07, 2000.

You must have one happy little circle of friends.

-- Jackie (jackie@jackie.nu), June 09, 2000.