What's the most pseudo-intellectual bullshit-ridden film you've ever stomached?

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I'll go first: THIN RED LINE from 1998. Next.

-- Widgett (widgett@needcoffee.com), May 27, 2000


The first thing that springs to mind is Crash (1996).

-- Wendy (setlackey@hotmail.com), May 28, 2000.

I'd have to say it was a three way tie between Henry Fool, Lost Highway and Last Days of Disco.

Lost Highway:

I've never seen a film that screamed "Heckle me" with this much fervor. We had the audience in stitches. The fade-outs were far enough apart that people were striking up conversations and going for popcorn. Now I am usually the first to discourage speaking, sneezing, or even breathing overly loud in a movie theater. I've even taken it to blows a few times. In this case there was truly no one who was enjoying the film. The ten people in audience were laughing so hard an usher came in to check on us. There were two people beside me who began defense then sheepishly fessed up to it just being a momentary channelling of The Emperor's New Clothes. I don't think any of us had laughed that hard since the Ayatollah's coffin was upended.

Henry Fool:

I kept expecting to see:

A) A sad French clown on a beach

B) The leads turning toward the camera and selling Calvin Klein cologne.

C) A mime

Last Days of Disco:

Aside from seeing Kate Bekinsdale, this movie was painful. First we were assaulted by visions of Chlok Sevigny wandering around set with both of her shoulders directly beneath her chin. I was seriously concerned that both of her collar bones were broken. Once that passed we were so bored that we wandered around entertaining the only other two people in the theater. They didn't mind, they were done watching the movie. We boosted each other up to look into the booth. From the look on projectionist's face, the most interesting part of this film for him was me peeking in on him. After that we walked around behind the curtain, we tried to balance on the railing and we played catch. It was sort of like waiting for a bus.

-- Michael Fitts (michael@noextraday.com), May 28, 2000.

I'd have to say "Orlando." Tilda Swinton changes from male to female over 500 years, but can't change facial expressions ONE FREAKING TIME during the entire movie. For no reason at all, she'd turn to the camera and utter some brilliant thought such as "Ah," or "The treachery of women." And then you have this little floaty guy in a white cloth singing in a falsetto at the end of the film. I'm sure this was a very profound rumination on gender inequality, but it bored the daylights out of yours truly.

-- Raptorgirl (LexMurphy@aol.com), June 22, 2000.

Heheheheh I finally got one... Eyes Wide Shut !

-- John Wishbone (wishbonex@hotmail.com), July 02, 2000.

The Last Days Of disco is pseudo intellectual? Really? I thought it was a crappy romance..... it did such though, i agree. and i COMPLETELY agree about Orlando. I was unfortunate enough to catch it on Bravo... it was just... boring. i hated every second.. and yet i sat through it....like it had some hypnotic hold on me.... i kept expecting it to make sense i guess. And my pick: Bladerunner. I just think its boring....sorry. I know im probably alone on this. oh well.

-- kasa (khig211@pinn.net), August 14, 2000.

Didn't like Bladerunner? That takes guts, man. Good show. Stand up in the face of adversity and give it the finger. No rule says you had to. I like it, of course. It's a Rutger thing. Like The Hitcher.

As for a pseudo-intellectual bullshit ridden film, I'd have to cast a vote for Apollo13. I know it's not that intellectual, but it was one of those movies where I turned toward the audience (who were OOO-ing and Aaaah-ing) with a confused look. It was like watching people at a Benny Hin Sermon. You know they're getting screwed, they just don't know it. The actors didn't even reach one dimension, let alone two or three. The plot, dialogue (dialogue..HA!), and shots were so cheese-ridden I couldn't take a crap for a week. There wasn't one true moment in the film.

I felt like Charlton Heston in Soilent Green. I kept wanting to stand up and scream "APOLLO13 IS CRAP, It's crap...."

-- Lister VonLister (iatehitler'sbrainwithasideoffries@mindspring.com), August 15, 2000.

I never even managed to watch Orlando. Some freaky girl I used to work with (her name was Gibbitt, people) loaned me her copy, and I think it sat in the back of my car for a month before I gave it back to her. I just couldn't bring myself to even take it into my house.

The soundtrack's okay, though. Strange.

I'm still not sure if I like Blade Runner or not. I've only seen it once, and it was okay, but I don't think I'd want to marry it. Never saw Apollo 13 or Eyes Wide Shut, and I count myself among the lucky unscathed.

You know what, though? Contact, man. Contact sucked ass.

-- wendy (ironballsmcginty@hotmail.com), August 15, 2000.

eyes wide shut...right on. what a terrible movie. blade runner was a snoozer also. i'd like to add (as i did on one of the other forums)2001. this movie knocked me out before the apes even finished eating bananas or what ever the hell they were doing. i dont care what anyone says, my plants were growing roots up/leaves down in the soil when this movie was finished. my children all had rectal bleeding for 8 1/2 days. just terrible.

-- papa smurf (parkranger25@yahoo.com), September 29, 2000.

Have I just wandered into a Stanley Kubrick smackdown? Here's my movie: Prospero's Books. Shakespeare can be tough under the best conditions, but this movie made it downright painful...

As an aside, anyone who likes The Hitcher is OK in my book.

-- Cullen (cull9@yahoo.com), September 30, 2000.

Alright. Someone else mentioned Peter Greenway, so I don't feel so bad about bashing him as well. The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover was far and away the worst movie I ever saw. That's two hours and three minutes of my life I'll never get back. Right up there with Eddie Macon's Run.

-- ashley (arussell@datareturn.com), October 17, 2000.

Eddie Macon's Run

Damn. I had almost forgotten that. That's locked away in the part of my brain reserved for every John Schneider and Tom Wopat movie that I was forced to sit through out of loyalty to the Dukes of Hazzard.

Wow, that hurts.

-- Michael Fitts (michael@noextraday.com), October 17, 2000.

The Draughtman's Contract - A certain well known film critic with his own syndicated Television show(no names please! :) ) once reviewed this as a great film that should be seen, so I rented it out on video once. I would have to say that it was rather pseudointellectual and a lot of bullshit, in my humble opinion.

I would like to add here, that Widgett up there is goring an Ox that I happen to love - The Thin Red Line, from 1998. Who here loves that film like me?

-- Frank J. Merritt (frankmerritt@hotmail.com), October 08, 2001.

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