Bill Clinton dies and is on his way to Hell.

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Bill Clinton dies and is on his way to Hell. At Hell's gates he meets Satan.

Satan tells Clinton that Hell is full, but that Clinton will be replacing one of the current inhabitants. Clinton will be given the choice of who he will replace forever in Hell.

Three doors appear before Clinton.

The first door opens. Behind it is Newt Gingrich. He's being forced to pound big rocks into little rocks. Upon seeing Newt in this predicament Clinton cringes and says, "That looks painful. I don't think this is for me!"

The second door opens. Behind it is Ted Kennedy. He is bobbing for automobile parts in a large pool of dirty water. Grimacing at the filthy scene, Clinton says, "I don't think so."

The third door opens and behind it is Ken Starr. He's naked and bound hand and foot. Kneeling before Ken is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. "I can handle that!" Clinton proclaims enthusiastically.

"Very well," says Satan. "Monica, you may go."

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), May 24, 2000

Answers

Thank you, Uncle Bob. ;)

-- helen (rolfm@o.now), May 24, 2000.

Thanks Uncle Bob, needed this this morning.

-- Richard (Astral-Acres@webtv.net), May 24, 2000.

Ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!

Wonder which door he did opt for? *snicker*

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), May 24, 2000.


THE HELL OF hell, IS ETERNAL-SEPARATION FROM GOD. THEN THE LAKE OF FIRE.gnashing of teeth,chewing tongue,torment-memory. HELL IS NOT FUNNY.----please don,t go there. JESUS warned of hell. hell was made for satan & his angel.s--not man. PRIDE=FALL. 37 YEARS AGO,I WATCHED A VERY RICH MAN DIE,HE SCREAMED-BEGGED-for someone to get his feet out of the flames,he offered money. it was scary.

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), May 24, 2000.

That does sound scary, al-

Especially if you were young & impressionable at the time.

-- flora (***@__._), May 24, 2000.



I think the old man was probably having some sort of hallucination. I died once after a car accident (dead for all of three minutes) and I didn't see anything. No white light, no whif of brimstone, no jackal-headed god come to weigh my heart on the scales of justice.

Once I came back to life, and was conscious enough to realize what happened, I felt distinctly cheated. I'd paid a huge price of admission (lots of pain and injury) only to find that there was no grand show at the very end.

-- Tarzan the Ape Mann (tarzan@swingingthroughthejunglewithouta.net), May 24, 2000.


Tarzan,

Maybe it's because you're not a Christian [G]. I heard about one case where an athiest scientist had an NDE and went to HELL. It scared the you-know-what out of him.

-- EK Ross (ekross@heaven's.gate), May 24, 2000.


Tarzan,

Maybe you didn't experience anything because God is smart enough to know when you're really going to die and when you aren't. BTW, I think the NDE stuff is all hokum based on Air Force pilots experiencing similar things during blackouts in G-force tests.

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), May 25, 2000.


there,s no fool,like a TWICE dead fool.

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), May 25, 2000.

>>Maybe you didn't experience anything because God is smart enough to know when you're really going to die and when you aren't. BTW, I think the NDE stuff is all hokum ...<<

Frank, I agree: God IS smart enough. But NDEs are not necessarily complete hokum. I tend to think that NDEs are (could be) satanic deception, which might explain why a bought-and-paid-for atheist would not experience the phenomenon.

Elbow

-- LBO Grise (LBO Grise@aol.com), May 25, 2000.



LBO,

Good to see you still posting around. My NDE experience just comes from seeing films of the Air Force stuff. Some guys would get euphoric, a few would even see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not saying that NDEs for sure AREN'T a Satanic deception, but I'd bet the cause of them is more likely physiological.

Of course you probably could have guessed that, knowing my evo stance and all :-)

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), May 25, 2000.


THE BIBLE CLEARLY STATES---SATAN COMES as an angel of light. the GREATER LIGHT IS CHRIST JESUS.

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), May 25, 2000.

Al, would you mind sharing with me your thoughts on Sam Kinnison if you dont know who he is i'll share w/you.

He was a preacher who turned comedian very sacreligious (sp) to say the very least in his comedy runs.

He got into terrible accident, as his brother held him while he was dying Sam said "no, no, not now, I'm not ready" his brother stated that it appeared Sam was actually staring into the sky and speaking to 'unknown' being.

Then in Sam's brother's opinion Sam again said "oh okay" and died.

Did anyone else see this documentary on Sam Kinnison? It gave me goosebumps for real.

Al, thoughts please as you responded Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. BTW, I DO believe that.

regards,

consumer

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), May 26, 2000.


it's a joke folks....it has nothing to do with jesus, nde, or god...it is a joke...it is a joke......it is a joke...it is a joke

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), May 26, 2000.

Consumer,

Sam Kinison was really a preacher? I can *almost* see it, but it's a toughie.

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), May 26, 2000.



Frank:

Straight up TRUTH. Saw it on the documentary where his brother and many others who knew him were interviewed.

Think on it, with all his jokes, he KNEW alot of the bible, as it showed in his routine. Very hard to believe indeed.

Also, I realize it was a JOKE, but sometimes we get a lil off topic around here.

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), May 26, 2000.


Just in case the NDE and maybe dying experience, too, really is a function of one's belief system, wouldn't it be nice to have a belief system that might provide a pleasant experience rather than a horrible one or even a "nothingness" one?

-- Lurker2 (lots@to.lurk.for), May 26, 2000.

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