I just got off the phone with my sister who was calling to see if I had anything planned for Mother's Day. Living one town away from your parents has the distinct disadvantage (for me, anyway) that you're obligated to attend these compulsory things that always turn out to be stress-fests.

So I called the few restaraunts that I like that she might enjoy (since she wouldn't want to be taken to Spike's Junkyard Dogs) but they are all booked or want ridiculous deposits that I can't afford. I feel like buying her flowers would just be so predictable and impersonal, like giving someone money for Christmas.

So what are yinz doing for mom's day?

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

Answers

Well, for the first Mother's Day in I-don't-know-how-long, my mom, my sister (who is also a mom) and I (not a mom) will be together on Mother's Day. We're going to have a nice brunch at my sister's home.

I bought my mom a ceramic ring box from a local artisans' shop. It's the kind of thing she likes and it's very pretty.

I got my sis a bunch of the scented candles that she likes.

Not overly creative, but they're both getting things I know they actually *like*. Flowers can be creative too, if you do something a little different with them (like have them put in an unusual container she can use for more flowers or for something else - like a nice margarita pitcher).

Good luck.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

I send a card.

I hate Mother's Day - it feels so commercial. But my mother has expressed interest in having it celebrated, so I make this gesture. That's as far as I'll go, though.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

I tried to get into Hallmark last night to buy Mom a card, but it was a complete ZOO! I would like to send her something because I'm not there, but she is SO hard to buy for. I'll call my brother and ask if he wants to go halves on something, because he probably knows better than I would what she wants. Hestill lives in Montreal. I just wish I could be there, too.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

Well, going home this weekend (even though I'm missing a meeting and a festival I wanted to go to for more than an hour of my free time), other than that I don't know. Shoot, I'm still hunting for presents.

But I have a pretty stressful time of it at the beginning of May. Mom's anniversary is the first, her birthday's today (10th), and then Mother's Day, which often enough ends up on her birthday too. In short, I must get a ton of presents, which is quite helpful when I ask her what she wants and she says "nothing."

Oh well. At least I finally bought her the frigging cards.

*stress*

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

Mother's Day is one of those times when I'm extra grateful for online shopping. I ordered rose bushes for my mother and mother-in- law and had them shipped straight to them. Not just any rose bushes mind you, a rose called Fiona, which is my daughter's name. I order my cards from sparks.com well in advance.

And yes, I am one of those sickening people who prepares for holidays well in advance. I start Christmas preparations in August : )

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

One day a year is set aside to show your appreciation to your mother solely because she is your mom and you people bitch. Nine months she carried you inside her, endless hours of pain suffering from contractions, feeling the stress on her body as you popped out of her, caring for you as an infant, bringing you to the hospital after you cracked your head open on the coffee table, helping you with your homework, giving you money and driving you to the mall so you could buy your favorite band's album (who's music she hated), etc.etc.etc. One day a year to make her feel a little extra special, and you people bitch. Of course, YOU would be pissed and feel unloved if she reacted this way to your birthday, but that would be different huh?
Ignore this entry if your mom was a jerk and burnt you with her cigarette butts

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

Damn, oink, sounds like you were spoiled pain in the ass when you were a kid. Hope you buy your mom a car.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

What makes you think we don't treat our moms special all year?

When we aren't tending to those cigarette burns.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

(That was a joke, by the way. I just didn't think the minor bitching about commercialism and shopping going on here was worthy of that self righteous little lecture. No one said they were going to IGNORE mother's day, after all.)

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

my mother died two hours after i was born. most of you make it sound like it's a chore to celebrate mothers day. who says you have to fall to the commercialism of it? i read nothing but bitching here. you people are the ones who were spoiled. it shows in your writings.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

From the Biography website:

In the United States, Mother's Day started nearly 150 years ago, when Anna Jarvis, an Appalachian homemaker, organized a day to raise awareness of poor health conditions in her community, a cause she believed would be best advocated by mothers. She called it "Mother's Work Day."

Fifteen years later, Julia Ward Howe, a Boston poet, pacifist, suffragist, and author of the lyrics to the "Battle Hymn of the Republic," organized a day encouraging mothers to rally for peace, since she believed they bore the loss of human life more harshly than anyone else.

In 1905 when Anna Jarvis died, her daughter, also named Anna, began a campaign to memorialize the life work of her mother. Legend has it that young Anna remembered a Sunday school lesson that her mother gave in which she said, "I hope and pray that someone, sometime, will found a memorial mother's day. There are many days for men, but none for mothers."

Anna began to lobby prominent businessmen like John Wannamaker, and politicians including Presidents Taft and Roosevelt to support her campaign to create a special day to honor mothers. At one of the first services organized to celebrate Anna's mother in 1908, at her church in West Virginia, Anna handed out her mother's favorite flower, the white carnation. Five years later, the House of Representatives adopted a resolution calling for officials of the federal government to wear white carnations on Mother's Day. In 1914 Anna's hard work paid off when Woodrow Wilson signed a bill recognizing Mother's Day as a national holiday.

At first, people observed Mother's Day by attending church, writing letters to their mothers, and eventually, by sending cards, presents, and flowers. With the increasing gift-giving activity associated with Mother's Day, Anna Jarvis became enraged. She believed that the day's sentiment was being sacrificed at the expense of greed and profit. In 1923 she filed a lawsuit to stop a Mother's Day festival, and was even arrested for disturbing the peace at a convention selling carnations for a war mother's group. Before her death in 1948, Jarvis is said to have confessed that she regretted ever starting the mother's day tradition.

Like Anna Jarvis, I am enraged that it can't be believed that I love my mother unless I spend a predetermined amount of money ona predetermined gift for her. It's the same feeling I get around Christmas. I don't want to give or receive gifts on birthdays or Christmas, I just want to be with the people I care about. Yet we are told we need to buy flowers and take our mom's to brunch even though we will have to put down a $50 deposit and I only have $20 to my name (and my credit card is maxxed out). We are told every June that adult males only care about golf and television and have to spend money n a useless piece of crap for our dads instead of doing something like sitting down and having an actual conversation with them. Movie houses and video stores make their biggest money on Thanksgiving and Christmas because we are all obligated to be with our families but we can't stand to be around each other unless we are staring blankly at a screen.

I go out of my way to visit my parents every other week, even if they do tend to just talk about television and my dad thinks radicals like me should be killed (not me of course, I'm his son). I honor my mom by doing strike support for striking teachers so they can win the wages those in her profession deserve. I honor my mom in the style of Julia Ward Howe by fighting for peace and justice so her kids and grandkids won't have to die in a stupid bosses war or starve and live off handouts the way my dad did growing up. I always feel disingenuous when telling someone I love them only when you are supposed to, that's not love, that's obligation. I refuse to have hallmark try to make me feel guilty because I don't have the cash lying around for a new piece of jewelry, and because I think my love for my mother can not be properly expressed with some mass produced piece of crap that she doesn't want or need.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

I'm sorry about your mother, Oink, but I still think your lecture was uncalled for. I love my boyfriend, but I can still bitch about the commercial expectations of Valentine's Day. Mother's Day isn't really any different.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

who's fault is if they fall for the commercialism of holidays? i never said anyone had to spend money to celebrate. i am sure a mother would love to sit outside and just talk about stuff while sipping whatever she likes. maybe do a little yard work together. i'll bet she would love a home made card like the ones you use to make in school. i am sure you all treat your mom's nicely year round, but mothers day is a little extra special..and so is your mom. there is no need to get all riled up over feeling the need to spend loads of money becuase you don't have to to show your love and appreciation. i spend fathers day simply talking about life, with no tv or radio on. if mom was here, i would probably do the same. although, i still talk with her and make her a card to plave on her head stone.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

i am sorry if i came across as lecturing. i wasn't. i just don't think people realize how lucky they are to be spending mother's day with their mother or talking with her on the phone. i will be spending mothers day in a cemetary.
whatever you choose to do, just make it your mission to bring a smile to her face on her special day. i hope you all have fun.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

I'm finally celebrating Mother's Day with my mom after many, many years. I'm pretty excited. :) I understand the majority of the comments here - I love my mom dearly but she is so hard to get things for. She doesn't like it if I spend money on her ("you should spend it on yourself!") and anyway, she is very picky on what she wants yet very vague in communicating her desires. A card is definite must (she does appreciate cards).. Not flowers ("what's the point? they die too quickly") Of course, I'm spending the entire day with her (and my dad) and we will do whatever she wants. I would love it if we get to TALK - as in heart-to-heart but we're asian and more conservative than north americans.

I think Mother's Day would be great nevertheless.

http://june.diaryland.com

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

I just came from the shipping store where I overnighted my mom a box with two loaves of homemade bread (onion cheese and white/wheat), a box of chocolates (I wanted to rip into those), and a card. When I lived near my mom, she loved it when I made homemade bread. I haven't done that in a long time so I thought this would be a good thing to do. I live 1200 miles away so I think she'll be surprised.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

Since I'm in Alabama and my mother's in Maine, I don't have to worry 'bout that stress-filled dinner/lunch/brunch. I send a card from me, a card from my daughter, and a box of Godiva chocolates, and call it good. And since I'm married, I'm for some reason responsible for getting Mother's Day presents for my mother-in-law and my husband's father's wife (my stepmother-in-law?). This year we geared their gifts toward what they're interested in: bath stuff from Garden Botanika for my mother-in-law and a gift certificate to garden.com for my stepmother-in-law. We still don't do the dinner thing, though, even though they each live half an hour from us.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

Mom didn't put out cigarettes on me, but that was only because she didn't smoke.

So I don't celebrate the holiday. I think it is *VERY* commercial and goes a long way to make people feel obligated to show they care - whether genuinely or not. By in large I find it a sap-fest.

If I were a mother, I'd much rather have my children visit me, tell me they love me, and drop a letter throughout the year rather than on Mother's Day as an obligation.

And I feel the same way about Valentine's, Father's Day, and other similar Hallmark Holidays. Showing someone you love them should be a daily thing, not a once a year forced thing.

My aunt is like a mother to me, so I sent her a card - which will probably suprize her. But I that is because I really do love her and appreciate all she's done for me - and she didn't have to because she's not the one who chose to give me life.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

We send flowers to my mother-in-law but since my own mother gave up custody of my sister and I when I was 2 I've never really felt like I belonged on this holiday. This is the first year that it really means something to me, since I'm the mama of Emma now.

I try to send a plant usually, since they last longer and are a little cheaper. My husbnad makes the phone call on sunday morning and that's that. This year I'm getting a gift, since I've been sent from the room a couple of times when the phone rings. We'll see. I think if you express that you love your mother in a way that will make her happy, you're doing plenty. It isn't about the money.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

Grace, I don't mean to pick on you specifically, but the attitude you expressed really bugs me. I've heard people say that a lot: "Why have Valentine's Day? Or Mother's Day? You should just show your love throughout the year. Having one day set aside for it cheapens the whole thing and makes it tawdry."

I disagree. Yes, you should show your love for your family members throughout the year, but what's the harm in having one special day when you can really make something special out of it? I mean, I love my mom, I call her every week, I email her practically daily -- but am I going to send her a big floral arrangement every week? Or a box filled with her favorite bubble bath? Or any kind of special gift? No, because that's impractical. You can't make a spectacular display of love and appreciation out of every single day, I'm sorry.

That's why I like Valentine's Day and Mother's Day. It gives me an occasion on which I can really go all-out and do something special for my sweetie or my mom or whoever. And sure, even without the holiday I'd probably do it on their birthdays or something, but I think having the holiday is nice.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

I love all the sappy holidays. I do things for my mom all year, cuz she spent umpteen gazillion hours in labor with me, and she didn't eat me at birth, so I feel like she deserves to be treated special.

I'm 36, and my mom would still rather have me make something for her than buy it. This year, I got a giant piece of poster board and poster paints, and made a huge card for her. I glued pictures of my mom, myself and my daughter and brother on it, put my handprints in paint and glued some dried flowers for a border. It's a total mess, and she'll love it.

I'm going to cook dinner for her and wait on her hand and foot. She loves that part, and I know from past experience that she'll come up with weird shit for me to do, like monkey impressions and dancing like one of the crocodiles in Fantasia.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

Well, I try to do stuff that pleases my mother most of the year. It worked out better to do some of the stuff you mentioned when I lived at home- these days I try to get her alone for an hour or so during a weekend visit, and it's the best we can do. She just happens to get quite upset if I don't also get commercial and buy her tons of presents too...which I can't afford this year. And I get kinda annoyed with her (and my father, who's scarily even worse about it) when she says she wants nothing, and then expects tons of gifts.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

Moms love to feel pampered. Anything from the Victoria's Secret Bath line is most welcome. A nice plush robe, bubble bath, a box of chocolates, scented candles.....

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

I'm with Jan. And yeah, with Oink too. Just as I like people treating me all special on my birthday, it's the least I can do for my mom on Mother's Day. Sure, we don't always get along and I don't like some things she's done in the past, but she's my mom, and she tries and if I were ever in trouble, she'd be there if I asked.

And when I think of all the crap I gave my mom as a teenager -- is there anything worse than a 15-year-old girl who thinks she knows everything?!?!

Since I just got a new job and a nice raise, I bought my mom a Coach handbag. She got it today and of course opened it right away. :) And she loves it. I'm happy that I'm going to New England on business in a couple of weeks so I can spend the weekend with my parents and give my mom some in-person Mother's Day wishes, just a couple weeks later.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

My mom considers mother's day to be the most sexist holiday of the year. I can get her a nice present any other day of the year (and I do so on a regular basis), but if I'd get her something on mother's day, she'd kill me, slowly and painfully.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Well, Mom suffered a stroke 8 months ago to the day of Mother's Day and died 2 weeks later. So my oldest friend is coming into town to spend my first Mother's Day without her. This year is more about getting through it, next year I'll figure out what I can do to honor her for Mother's Day.

When she was alive, however, all she asked was a card and/or a phone call, same as her birthday. I usually referred to Mother's Day as My Annual Apology for Childhood. I was a pain in the ass and she let me so I could learn how to stand up for myself.

She was an avid gardener, so often she would get gifts of trees and plants -- not for her, but a donation made in her name for a forest preserve or wildlife center. These are also great gifts for a child's birth.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

My mom'll be gone.

As in vacation-gone. To Gatlinburg. *sob! *

the rest of my family as well. And they're leaving Saturday, so.

I'll do something for her, 'course. Prob'ly something girly that she wouldn't pay for herself. Something that'll make her smile.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Come to think of it, I think my mom is going to be on vacation then too. She travels a lot now that she's retired.

You know what I think is weird? Men who get their wives mother's day cards because they're the mother of their children. Even weirder: wives who get sulky because their husbands didn't remember to get them mother's day stuff. The last think I want my husband to think of me as is a mom, even if I want him to think I do a good job being the mother of our children.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

My Mom is a thousand miles away, so I'll call her and send a car.

What really sucks about the holiday, though, has nothing to do with my Mom. It's my husband. He works for a greenhouse/florist, and spends all day today (Friday) and Saturday delivering flowers until pretty late. I know: It's his choice, it's his job, and that's fine. I just... never really get involved in this holiday, or Valentine's Day, because my husband is bone-weary and just wants to sleep all weekend. He's the one that gets the most pampering on these days.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

A card. A card. I'm not sending my Mom a car.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

I usually send my mom flowers at work for Mother's Day (she loves that, because all the women coo over them), but this year she asked me for something else. So tomorrow night, I'll be driving both of us down to D.C. so we can attend the Million Mom March together. I've never been to any kind of big rally, so except for the fact that I've had a terrible work week and am exhausted, I am really excited about it.

Actually, I'm just excited about the chance to go away with my Mom, just the two of us.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

For the first time my wife Heather and our youngest will be celebrating Mother's Day together since our youngest had her first child ten years ago. They are together in Eugene, Oregon and this old man in Denver, Colorado feels that is the best present he contributed to.

A gift before she left and a little extra spending money, I'm sure gifts will be exchanged there - and much shopping done Cards, yes. e-mails, yes, love of course. Telephone is optional, but available. This way no one is tied to a place where they have to listen for a phone and are free to wander at will.

Whatever your own feelings are, I do wish all you Mothers a happy Mother's Day.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2000

I caned Mother's Day this year. I was looking for a birthday present for my brother-in-law on an NZ website, and saw all the Mother's Day spiel (the dates for this are different in the UK and NZ, so it gets a little confusing), - so I sent her the latest Kate Atkinson book, which she was tickled pink to receive.

Every 12,000 miles away I kick ass in the good daughter stakes. My sisters can only sit in my wake and weep.

(I'm fairly impressive in the good sister-in-law stakes too - my brother-in-law was so touched I remembered his birthday - so sitting here in a smug little pile of contentment).

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000