Ladies and gentlemen, we did not win the lottery this time. Kleenex is kept in the lobby.

-- helen (regrowing@my.fingernails), May 09, 2000

Answers

It's ok, we can still use our time wisely by deciding ahead of time *which* airstream we want to caravan around in...... and which charities we want to endow.

In the meantime, I hope you all have planted your peas and beans by now!

-- (sis@thefarm.zzz), May 10, 2000.

Wasn't there a ryhme/rhyme/rhtyme....um...uh.... "poem" about that?

Started something like:

Beans, beans, are ...

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 10, 2000.

To bad that you all didn't hit the mother load, so to speak. I was pulling for you. Maybe next time.

Guess I'll have to cancel the happy dance that I was going to do for you.

-- (Sheeple@Greener.Pastures), May 10, 2000.

'Tis a new day...good enough reason to have a "happy dance".....

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 10, 2000.

Sheeple, it's ok. By the time the drawing came about, I was convinced we'd be kidnapped down by the mailbox if we won...This is a GOOD day.

-- helen (calmerth@n.buddha), May 10, 2000.

I hAVe KiDNappED HelEN, SeNd Us $3o0,0o0,oo0 bY ThIS tIMe tOmoRRow or YoU'Ll bE ReALly soRry - I'lL maKe yOU SorRY - I wIlL - I'm CrAzY! ALso SeNd OnE PonY!

-AnNon KidNapPer

-pS, anD No FUnnY buSineSS liKe YOU PEOPLE aRe proNE tO~!

-- ThE KiDnapPer (InThESecreT@HiDe.oUt), May 11, 2000.

Here is everything you asked for....please return Helen to her previous state of mind......

To make it easier, I've grouped everything together.

$

3

o o o o

0 0 0 0

, , ,

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 11, 2000.

YOu ThInK I'M StuPid? WhERe iS tHE PonY? nO DeaL!

-- SmArT KiDNaPpEr (StIll@tHeHide.Out), May 11, 2000.

Oooopsie.

Uhhhmmmmm.

Kritter's got parts and pieces of a mammouth over at her place...that good enough?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 11, 2000.

What if I don't want to get back to work? What if I'm about all worked out for the week?

Today has been one of THOSE> days. Just about everything that could go wrong did. Wait until I get my hands on the DBA that was messing around in production.....

-- (Sheeple@Greener.Pastures), May 11, 2000.

Dang, maybe I should just walk away from a computer for the rest of the day. *hanging her head in shame*

-- (Sheeple@Greener.Pastures), May 11, 2000.

Ummmm, okay ... but before you do, do you have a pony hidden in the of s**t the DBA left over there?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 11, 2000.

Robert,

Wish I had a pony for you. How about I make the DBA get on all fours and pretend he is a pony? Think it'll work?

-- (Sheeple@Greener.Pastures), May 11, 2000.

The pony is for the ransom for the mailbox kidnapping.......maybe DiEteR will accept the DBA instead?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 11, 2000.

ArE yOu tryINg to BuG my PhonE? TryINg to TRack doWN The KidNaPPer? I aM anOnyMous! i HAve No NaME! nO FingERprInTS! No PoNY! SeEK NoT thE KidNaPPeR! SeNd thE PonY! A nICe BuCKskIn PonY! FoRgEt the DBA, ThIS I Do NOt WAnt! HeLeN IS ScREamINg HelP! ShE doEs NoT lIKE mY PaRAsiTES! SaVe HEr Now...SenD thE POny!

-- ThE PonYLeSS KidNapPER! (StUCk@hIdE.OuT), May 11, 2000.

This is getting bad...

Now, there are a pair of sites out there where Helen isn't...

Poor girl, she must be getting a splitting headache having to be kidnapped twice.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 12, 2000.

Wow...kidnapped...I'm not home@the.farm anymore. No goats bonking my butt when I'm not looking. No sticking my hand in dark, snaky places for eggs. No ticks. No chiggers. Worms, maybe, but they're internal and I what I can't see doesn't exist. No laundry. No cooking. No cleaning. No getting up in the night to clean up a kid's vomit. No diarrhea rings waiting for me in the toilet. No teacher conferences. No sex...wait a minute, there's no sex here...ok, there's a pony about 3 miles south of here, can you find it? Close to buckskin, but you'll have to die his mane and tail black. Hurry! I'm "peaking"!

-- helen (PleaseDon'tS@ve.me), May 12, 2000.

Okay .... So we have a buck-naked pony that's manely now nwely died-in-the-wool black.... (Do ponies have wool? I'm not real good at biology.)

How do we send the died pony to the KiDnApPeAr?

And how do we keep it from smelling up the email attachment to the UPS server so it can be FedEx'ed to the US Postal Service via fax?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 15, 2000.

POnY ReCeivED, YoU CaN KeEP tHe MOneY! I DRopPeD thE HosTaGE ofF aT a slEaZY MaLe DaNCer ReViEw. I ThINk SHe Is StILL In ThERe!?!

-- ThEKidNaPPeR (KiDNapPEr@HapPy.Now), May 16, 2000.

Oh dear, a typo resulted in the untimely death of a pony...sorry! Having a blast. Someone let the children know I love them and think of them between dances.

-- helen (happilynot@home.now), May 16, 2000.

DRAT!

I was commin' to resuce you, Helen, honest I was. I even perfected a two-gaited ponygator (we are limited in resources down here on the bayou) But the darn thing waddled so bad I got sea sick and had to recouperate with some medicinal tonic. I guess it all worked out for the good anyway, since the critter had a somewhat disagreeable disposition. My trainer, who we now call One-leg Lafitte, had a little trouble getting it saddle broke.

But, I did truly want to come to your rescue. I feel a kinship with you. I feel a natural nearness. I feel a closeness. I feel.........whoa, just WHAT is that I'm feeling, there, darlin?

Seriously, I think we may be soul-mates, or at the very least, cell-mates. But, I know that you have a secret desire to explore the depths of my heart. Or maybe the roof of my mouth.

So, let's not let this moment escape. Let's not pass like towboats in the night, loaded with toxic materials, wallowing on the oily scum of some dark and dank backwater. Let's profess this strange attraction, this magnetic draw, this barnacle-like persistance which festers within us like some left-over primordial virus.

Let's seize the moment like the scrawny neck of the last chicken in the yard, and wring it for all it's worth. Let's dump the left-over slop of our lives into the trough together, and then snort and giggle for the remainder of our days.

Or, maybe not........ I'll call you.

-----------------

-- Lon Frankenstien (evil@twins.Rus), May 20, 2000.

But, what will he call her?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 23, 2000.

But, what will he call her?

What will he call her with?

If he calls her what with a with, why will he call her what with a with? (Or is who on second after all that what when he's finished calling her what he's calling her when he's calling with the with?)

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 23, 2000.

Robert, now pay attention (no checks, please)

Who's on first.

What's on second.

And for the third basemen, I DON"T KNOW!

(got it?)

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), May 23, 2000.

Dear, dear Mr. Frankenstien ...

How could I remove you from circulation among those FRLians, male and female and mineral, those who adore you? They would weep for grief and change their physical locations; meanwhile, I, searching for them frantically, could not hope to assuage your longing for possum...as my possums have quite decidedly left home forthwith and with forth extherted mightily on my part. In short, to avoid rejection they have accepted ejection and now are not available for those ejaculations of wit which they are so wont to spew. I'm sure you understand.

-- helen (not@thestripjoint.anymore), May 23, 2000.

Helen, oh Helen, my haute, haunting, heavy-breathing heartthrob,

I know exactly what you mean.

-

-

(O. K., just what is it that you mean?)

Is this your way of telling me that you are gonna start withholding possum privileges from me?

That its the bottom of the ninth, Ive got two outs, two strikes, and a dead fish? That its iceberg time in the maiden voyage of our Titanic of titillation?

Are you saying that I only had a weekend pass, and its Tuesday? That our rocket ride to the moon has been detoured to Pookeepsie? That the dog ate my ticket in the lottery of love?

Have I awoke from my amorous amnesia, only to realize that my humvee of honeybunch has hit a pothole in the pathway to paradise?

Am I now only a hemorhidal memory in your gallop across the badlands of my broken heart?

Well, I got a hot flash for ya, Snookums. I dont need ya. An I dont need your mangy ole possum, neither. (You call that fur? Why, I seen better hair on fried chicken)

So, just keep your highfalutin ways. Just go ahead and hang out with your fancy friends who dont walk on all fours; see if I care. (sigh) I..I c..c..can take it. (sniff) W..wont bother m...m...me none.

----------------------

-- Lon Frankenstien (Evil@twins.Rus), May 23, 2000.

Kleenex is kept in the lobby.

-- helen (r@pidly.disappearing), May 23, 2000.

Which lobby?

The guys' stripeasy bar or the girls' stripeasy bar?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 23, 2000.

Since when have we practiced segregation?? There is only one lobby. And only one box of Kleenex, so use it sparingly.

-- helen (nosegreg@tion.here), May 23, 2000.