I hate to make my very first posted question a bit of a downer, but my pet rabbit died yesterday in the morning. I wrote a big long entry about it in my online journal today and not only did it make me break down, it made my boyfriend cry too and we ended up sniffling all over each other and hugging each other and telling each other that "it's ok, and it's ok to cry".

If you want to know more about her, it's here.

She was a few months short of five years of age. She was so good. I loved her dearly.

How do i deal with my loss? People are understanding when a person you were close to dies and you have a grief period, but not everyone is so understanding when it's "just an animal". I figured i might find someone who understands and cares here.

Help?

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000

Answers

Sherry, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I have had several beloved pets pass away, and have an 18 year old cat, and I understand that it's a terrible experience to lose your furry companion. Pets are never "just a pet". Pets are children, friends, and sometimes siblings to their human families. You should deal with this loss in the same way you would deal with losing a human loved one. Give yourself time to mourn. Talk about your feelings with people who *do* understand. You can't expect to get over the loss of your rabbit quickly, it's healthy to go through a grief period. It might be hard for people near you who haven't had pets to fully understand your connection with your rabbit, which is a frustrating situation for both of you. It will be hard at first, but just remember that you gave your bunny a wonderful home and that she had a great life. It hurts to lose a loved one, but you will feel better about things after you've given yourself time to grieve.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

hi Sherry!

I can sypathize. We woke up on morning last fall and found one of our bunnies on the kitchen floor, dead. It broke my heart to see my husband so upset. Like yours, we had no idea that there was anything wrong, but our vet told us later that unlike cats, that can linger for months with an illness, bunnies go really fast, and usually in their sleep.

And it is hard, because people look at you and go, "it was *just* a bunny", as if that is somehow going to make you feel better.

Losing a pet is so hard. I have no brilliant wisdom to offer, but I do hope you are feeling better soon.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Sherry,

Losing a pet can be as devastating as losing a family member, and I can totally sympathize with what you're going through.

I lost my cat John last fall. It was unexpected and he was only 2 years old. In addition, I was out of town at the time and my roommate - not much of a pet lover - was taking care of him.

I will spare you the details, because it's a long sad story, but I returned home to find that he was gone and his remains had been unceremoniously disposed of in the garbage.I cried for 3 days straight. I still miss him and I still think about him.

Recently a close friend of mine lost her cat under somewhat similar circumstances. She took his body to her vet to have him cremated, and about a week later received a letter from a University which was conducting research on the interaction between pets and geriatrics. Her vet had made a donation in her cat's name. You might want to consider doing something similar to help you grieve for your rabbit.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

I'm sorry to hear about this. Try not to listen to people who aren't sympathetic. It's a real loss, as real as any other family member.

Time will help. It's helped me to bury my lost pets with a little ceremony, and to get together with other people who liked that pet to share memories.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Sherry it is devastating.

It is good you have your boyfriend for support, and understanding.

You raise a good point, about bringing up the death of a beloved pet, at work for instance, where some a-- will make an inane comment about how stupid you are because it was only a g-- d--- cat, rabbit, dog, etc........... I've been there. To you it's a family member and you will rip dumba-- head off and only succeed in getting fired....

I found to be quiet around people I know will be insensitive, and find comfort in loved ones that really care, and knew the animal (friend) involved

When some time has gone by you will have the memories of your friend to look back on.........

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

I'm terribly sorry that your rabbit died. My childhood dog (she was 18 years old!) had to be put to sleep just over a year ago and I'm still dealing with it.

I love Lizzie's suggestion--a little ceremony or something. It will help finalize it for you since many people do not recognize the death of a pet in the same way as a person and it will give you a chance to recognize a very, very good friend. We buried my dog in our backyard at my family's home right along her path around the fence. Eighteen years of patrolling the same line around the fence and we noticed that all of the grass had died where she walked, she walked her patrol so many times. There were two plum trees right by the path and we buried her in between the trees.

It helps me because I can still go and hang out at that little spot in the plum trees. The only thing that will really help is time. I can talk about my dog now and look at pictures and not cry but every once in a while my brother will mention her and I'll still feel the exact same pain as I did the day we had to put her to sleep.

You'll make it through. She wasn't "just an animal". Not to you, not to me, not to others who also have lost pets that they dearly loved. Any being that brings that much joy--simply because of their presence-- deserves to be recognized and remembered. It'll get better, I promise.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Sherry, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. To me, sometimes losing a pet is as hard, if not harder, than losing a person. Pets give you unconditional love. They don't criticize or nag. The only thing that they want to do is to make you happy, and they do an admirable job of that.

I just lost 2 of my kitties a couple of weeks ago. Loki had cancer, and we had to put him to sleep. Bootie essentially grieved herself to death - she wouldn't eat, and cried constantly. About a week after Loki died, I found Boots curled up in the rocking chair where she and Loki used to sleep - dead. It was and is a very difficult time for me. Luckily, I still have my kitty Stanley and my stupid Great Dane puppy Zubov to cheer me up. They know that I'm sad, and spend a lot of time trying to make me smile.

I read your journal entry about Socks, and was in tears by the time I was done with it. Your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful guy, and I'm sure having him helps.

I wish every one on the earth felt the way that you do about animals. If that were the case, there wouldn't be any need for shelters and rescue groups.

I'm really really sorry about Socks :(

Laurie

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Sherry--

I have had pet rabbits for years and have experienced loss like yours before. One died very much like Socks did-- unexpectedly, without any sort of warning. I remember that when I found him that afternoon, I couldn't do much more than sit in a chair, rocking myself back and forth.

Keep a picture of Socks somewhere where you'll see it often. I think that might provide some comfort. And take time to grieve. I think we sometimes forget that we need our pets as much as they need us.

In time, you might want another rabbit. I'm not suggesting that you try to replace Socks, but you might eventually want that kind of companionship again. After my rabbit died, I waited a long time before I would even let my mom mention getting another one.

But do take your time, and don't be afraid to grieve for this loss. I'm sure it's healthier than trying to shake it off.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

I'm so sorry =( I had rabbits too, and both went pretty quickly after getting sick. Your bunny looks so cute and sweet in that picture...and she sounds the same in your entry. I'm sorry she's gone, but I'm glad your boyfriend is there for you and understands.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

I had my bunny Sniffles for 7 years when he died of old age. I called my parents and asked if I could bury him in their yard. When my husband and I got there, my dad had run out and bought me a new bunny! It was very sweet, especially since it was on a Sunday and he had to beg the pet store owner to open early, but I definitely wasn't ready for another rabbit. I did grow attached to little Peanut, but she was always a reminder of Sniffles. I didn't realize how much she meant to me until I noticed that she wasn't feeling well. Long story short - 3 weeks of vet appointments and 1 surgery later I lost Peanut too. I decided then that I needed to grieve for both my bunnies and I haven't gotten another pet. Peanut passed away in November 1999 and I still can't go by a pet store without stopping to look at the bunnies and it's always hard to leave without a new "baby".

I think everyone feels differently about their pets, but mine are so much a part of my family that it takes a long time before I'm ready to open up again. Take time to grieve, and know that everyone is supporting you.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Thank you to everyone who was so kind as to respond. By the referrals in my counter i can also see that a lot of people at least read it and i thank you for that too.

I had a relapse the other day when the kitten laid down where the cage used to be and George found me sobbing on the floor. And once again he took care of me. He really loved her too, something i had never really fully realized until recently.

Thank you so much for all your kind words. I especially like the ceremony stories and the idea of a donation in my pet's name. All things to consider.

You guys are the rockingest.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000