What I am going to do, I think.

Im going to form an alphabet agency (PDQ? ASAP? BFD?) and get federal funding so I will be under federal jurisdiction. The purpose of my agency will be vagueit will serve at the governments whim. My agency will only work on domestic jobs.the guys have trouble getting passports. The money, of course will be goodbut thats not the reason I want to have this agency. What I want are the federal bennies, the perks. In short,

I WANT TO FORM MY OWN ARMY!

I can get my "agents" trained by the best, at the taxpayers expense, of course. Well get all our weapons from the taxpayers, too. And, oh baby, the toys well have! SAMS, Patriots, whatevers out there, well have it. If the FBI, DEA, or INS can have it, so can we!

Whenever the feds feel like pushing their weight around, bending or just ignoring the Constitution, theyll call my agency. (You understand, of course, that its against the law for the Army to be used against us on our soilthis seems to be the only law that Clinton and Reno learned in law school. So, theres the justification for my agency) And, then, my "agents" will get all pumped up, put on their best gorilla faces, and go and do the governments bidding.

Need a custody agreement enforced? Call me!

Are you a foreign dignitary who has "issues" with how the United States treats its citizens, or someone who lives here now but came from your country originally? Call me!

Are you a government official with a less than perfect past? Got a few crimes and misdemeanors you want covered up? Need some witnesses to disappear? Call me!

My agency will have a flagrant disregard for the Constitution, we will always assume that the citizens are not only armed and dangerous, but also guilty as hell! Innocent is not in our vocabulary. We will always conduct ourselves as though OUR lives we at risk.

In short, we will be better armed than the army, and have to follow many less rules. We live to serveespecially if it means we get to shoot our guns, or at least scare the hell out of someone. We like to look tough!

Oh, and if you could just keep this under your hat.the gov doesnt like the citizens to know just how many little private armies it has running around.

/set sarcasm off

-- what (what@now.com), April 25, 2000