Ever felt depressed when you should feel happy?

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Ever felt depressed when you should feel happy?--Al

-- Al Schroeder (al.schroeder@nashville.com), April 23, 2000


At the end of Easter today, our daughter was flying back to Boston. We had just watched the videotape of a choral piece she'd arranged, which was sung at the dedication ceremony held last night for our son. She was having a difficult time saying goodbye. She and I clung to each other and sobbed. She cried as she told each family member goodbye. Someone asked when she'd be back in California and I said she was returning in three weeks for a wedding. "Well, why is she crying, then, if she'll be back so soon?" Duh...it might just have something to do that she'd just been to a memorial for one brother and would be back in time for a memorial to the other.

Happy Easter. No resurrections here either, Al. This was the first week since Paul died a year ago that I actually found myself saying "WHY? Why a second son???"

Yes, next year will be better.

I hate that part.

-- Bev Sykes (basykes@dcn.davis.ca.us), April 24, 2000.

We have a daughter and her family in Eugene, Oregon we visit more than once a year and who visits us about once every two years. Our dearly loved youngest child, always a baby cradled in my heart.

When we part there are always tears from both sides, parting is painful for us. Especially since our car accident in 1997.

Regardless, whether it is a trip across the street or down a stairway at home, the parting might be final and it is hard. I do try to go to bed not mad at anyone.

-- Denver doug (ionoi@webtv.net), April 24, 2000.

I'm sure there are times when I should have been happy, but was depressed. Yesterday I had a moment more of sadness than depression. I was at our church service and it was a VERY STRANGE drama something along the lines of if Jesus had come to Rocket Town, I wasn't particularily impressed and my mind started to wander to Easter last year. We were visiting our "old" church (still our church in my heart) in California and they had shown a very moving rendition of what Jesus had gone through to save us from eternal death. Sometime during that service, my brother, his children, my sister and her children arrived. I had invited them to meet us at church and there they were. After church and visiting with friends there, we all drove up to my sister's house (where my brother was living and his girls were visiting). Yesterday, sitting there in church, I felt sad remembering that it was a year ago that I last saw my brother alive, six whole months before his death, was the last time I'd seen him alive. The last living picture I took of him was with his girls running, kind of blurred around him holding my youngest son who was not thrilled with this "stranger". I could and can still vividly see that picture in my mind, my brother had sort of a pleading look on his face. Had I only known, what would I have done? Shot more pictures? Taken some of he and my husband in the yard playing with the kids? Could I have warned him somehow, "hey don't get drunk and go running next October 13th!" It made me feel very sad at the moment sitting there in church on what should be one of the most joyfilled of Christian holidays. In the car while in the VERY long line of cars waiting to exit the parking lot, I told my husband about my thoughts during the service and then our attentions turned toward the children's excitement, hearing them share about their Sunday school classes and the upcoming Egg Hunt, the sadness lifted, forgoten until I lay down to sleep and then again until now. In fact I was going to reverse the question, ever happy when you should have been depressed? My answer was going to be along the lines of when we were moving cross country away from all of our family and friends. I was more excited than sad, my father even cried, but I didn't shed a tear!!

-- Glenna B. Yarnot (glennab@home.com), April 24, 2000.

I was happy to see my family over Easter, but depressed that I can not save them from alcoholism, unemployment, etc. In college every time I make the deans list or recieve an award I still hear a voice whisper "you don't belong here" and I feel guilty for having success when the rest of my family is suffereing. Happy holidays Al, I'll be thinking of you and your family, and your strength is very inspiring.

-- AJ (joijoijoi@hotmail.com), April 25, 2000.

After spending most of my high school weekends alone in my room i decided to one night to go out with several friends to a party and met many wonderful people. all of these people became my friend and i came out of my depressed state. eventhough i was beginning to feel happy i had developed many problems including alcoholism and drug use which where beginning to play a big role in my life. when then people who i had become friends with saw how it was chaning me they, instead talking to me, started to just ignore me. this hurt me worse than anything i had ever felt before and although i still have great friends, a lucky upbringing, and a wonderful family i feel like the whole in my chest is now even bigger than ever. during this time before i lost these friendships i felt as though i finally could breathe and now, although strange, i still feel this way. in a way it showed me who my real friends are. The people who truly care about me, and the ones who want me to feel good about myself and my life. although i feel, for the first time in my life, that i am very loved part of me is still deeply depressed. So JM KT EZ i love you all... CM

-- C.M. (i3oarder@yahoo.com), April 08, 2001.

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