I'd rather have a rose

From a garden of a friend,

Than flowers strewn 'round my casket

When my days on earth shall end.

I'd rather have a hug and smile

From a friend I know is true,

Than tears shed 'round my casket

When this world I bid adieu.

You give me the flowers today

Whether yellow, pink, or red,

Cause I'd rather have on blossom now

Than a truckload when I'm dead.

-- high school kid (somewhere@in.America), April 22, 2000

Answers

Are you really a high school kid?

Well, thanks for your poem--isn't that the truth? Unfortunately, both kids and adults tend to forget to tell and show our love for one another often until it is too late. My mom just died and I was very fortunate that I was able to spend time with her and help ease her through the veil and to show her how much I loved her. Not everyone gets that chance. That is why we should do it today.

Now what is a young adult like you doing on a board like this that is so negative and dark? Go call those friends of yours and enjoy them-- lessen the time you spend with "virtual friends" -- the relationships are often fruitless and you won't get that blossom as likely as you will with real life friends. You needs physical interaction and hugs more than you need to have your mind challenged with this argumentative crap that will ultimately amount to nothing years from now. If you are shy, then join something and force yourself to do it but don't waste your time on boards like this one. God bless you.

-- MOM (loveteens@mom.org), April 22, 2000.

I think this is one of the main reasons my family never honored the death rituals. If someone was dying, they'd visit them every day in the hospital, etc., but once they were dead, they said they'd prefer to remember them as they were when they were alive than go through a "process" after their death.

I'd like to introduce another thought on this same theme. Years ago, a co-worker lost an infant 6 weeks or so after birth. When the mom came back to work, she got off the elevator just as I was getting on with a third co-worker. I was about 8 months pregnant at the time and the third co-worker had just returned to work from maternity leave. We didn't know quite what to say to her, so said nothing.

Several years later [and two more kids later for BOTH of us], I met up with this woman again on another job. She threw me a guilt rap that I'll never forget. She said that when she had returned to work and seen Sharyn and I at the elevator, she EXPECTED some words and we offered none. She went on to say "THAT'S when my grieving turned to anger."

Everyone has the right to grieve in their own way, but at this second job, this woman had the picture of her dead baby on her desk with no pictures of her living children. Each year at the anniversary of the child's death, she set the table with an extra plate and created a wall decoration that would be framed and hung on the wall. I've never lost a child, so I don't KNOW how I would behave. Could anyone shed some light on whether this is standard behavior?

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), April 22, 2000.

i'm not a high school student, but the author is. he wrote it when approached with this, " do you give flowers to dead people? don't do that...the person you're trying to honor can't appreciate it...what are they gonna do - jump up outta the groud and say 'it's about time you gave me a flower. thank ya alot'..." if only we knew how short life really is. i came across four poems the other day and they meant so much to me i thought i'd post 'em. my favorite is " if a flag could talk, maybe this is what it'd say"

-- jo (no@no.no), April 22, 2000.