You post like sab4 ;o) or:

1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom.(Don't disguise your voice.)

3) Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to othersthat you like it that way.

13) Don't use any punctuation (Richard?)

14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15) Ask people what sex they are.

16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17) Sing Along at the opera.

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing.

For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.

21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.

24) Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess"

25) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"

27) When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do"

29) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

30) Every time you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here"

**And the Final way to annoy People.... ...... Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.

~*~

-- (Ladylogic@...), April 18, 2000

Answers

Lets party LADY. You want logic, try me. Need comfort...you can snuggle up to my gold coins. You need me. I could make you happy or I could bring you flowers. But nothings gonna happen unless you worship THE LOSER AND HIS GOLD.

GOT GOLD

Get wet and come over to AA GOLD LOSER CLUB

Free drinks to all the ladies.

Also I get the first dance and I can tell you how I love you.

-- GOLD LOSER (GOLDLOSER@AA GOLD LOSER CLUB.LOSE), April 18, 2000.

Thanks for the LOL. Did you make these up?

-- (Elvis_the_King@indy.net), April 18, 2000.

LOL, Lars! (Excuse me,...King.)

Hell no, I didn't make those up! I have girlfriends that send me that stuff.

GOLD LOSER,

That's a very generous offer. But I'd prefer to cuddle up next to a man with a big heart and sound mind, thank you. Your gold's not important to me, but I have a real live girlfriend who I'm sure would love to meet you. She's drop-dead gorgeous and loves to wear metal and rocks. I have to warn you though, she's s.h.a.l.l.o.w. (Aren't all women who have to adorn themselves with that stuff?)

OTOH, there are a couple of nice, single women here. Have you met cin, consumer, eve, or flora? (I think flora is single anyway.)

Good luck with your assets, GOLD LOSER. I hope for your sake it goes back up to $283 and you can cash out without losing a cent.

~*~

-- (Ladylogic@...), April 18, 2000.

Funny stuff LL! thanks.

-- FactFinder (david@bzn.com), April 18, 2000.

LOLOL LL! And here's the rest of'em: =)

31)Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

32)Drum on every available surface.

33)Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.

34)Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

35)Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36)Ask 800 operators for dates.

37)Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

38)Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

39)Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40)Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41)Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

42)Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

43)Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

44)Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45)Honk and wave to strangers.

46)Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

47)Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48)Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49)Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

50)Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

51)Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".

52)Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.

53)ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

54)only type in lowercase.

55)Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56)Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

57)Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

58)Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

59)Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/ OJ Simpson/ Y2K conspiracy theories.

60)Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?""Never mind, it's gone now."

61)Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

62)Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

63)Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

64)At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

65)When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

66)Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

67)Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

68)Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

69)Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

70)Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

71)Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

72)Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

73)Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

74)Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

75)Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

76)Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.

77)Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

78)Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr Rogers theme song. ( I do this one often, heehee)

79)While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

80)Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

81)Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

82)Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

83)Chew on pens that you've borrowed. [or use the toothpick on someone else's swiss army knife]

84)Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

85)Ask to "interface" with someone.

86)Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing". (I think this one is my favorite)

87)At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

88)Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

89)Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

90)Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

91)Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

92)Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

93)Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

94)Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

95)Never make eye contact.

96)Never break eye contact.

97)Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

98)Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99)Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

100)Make appointments for the 31st of September.

-- cin (cinlooo@aol.corn), April 18, 2000.

101) Post a 100 item list to this forum so that it loads v-e-r-y-s-l- o-w-l-y

-- x (x@x.x), April 18, 2000.

you're a little eccentric if you:

102) ....threaten to "track down" people on the net who "troll" you.

103) ....accept marriage proposals fron men you've never met.

104) ....endlessly proclaim how smart you think you are.

105) ....end every other post with "kiss my pretty white powdered butt!".

Etc., etc., etc....

Wait, on second thought that makes you crazy....

-- tired of laura (she's such @ nut.job), April 18, 2000.

Lady,

#8 my favorite...gotta try that at the office.

Boss will miss his 'shakes'...Bad enough they make coffee soooo strong you cant even drink it.

---consumer who is on vacation this week....YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 19, 2000.

that is actually quite good (what am I saying)

must be borne out of your own experience

-- richard (richard,dale@onion.com), April 19, 2000.

You're a little eccentric if you believe the following definitions:

1. Abdicate - v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

2. Carcinoma - n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

3. Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

4. Negligent - adj., describes a condition in which you absent- mindedly answer the door in your nightie.

5. Lymph - v To walk with a lisp.

6. Gargoyle - n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

7. Bustard - n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

8. Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon.

9. Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are runover by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash - n., a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Semantics - n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

12. Marionettes - n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been jerked around by the mayor.

13. Oyster - n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), April 19, 2000.

(106) Kneel in the middle of the street, cutting the grass growing in cracks in the pavement.

I have a neighbor who does this. In fact, she asks permission if she can do yours, too.

-- Debbie (dbspence@usa.net), April 20, 2000.