In keeping with the soap opera theme of late, I shall bare my soul for all the world to see.

Horrible thing I did #1:

When I was about 10 years old I was fighting with my younger brother, as siblings are known to do. I, being larger and stronger, pinned him down quite easily, and, in keeping with my custom, turned around while keeping his arms pinned, stuck my butt in his face and let out a mighty fart. I guess that this time was one "fart in the face" too many, as he lost it and bit my ass HARD! As I jumped up in pain, he attempted to make an escape under the bed, to get out of harm's way. Ah, but he was not quick enough, and I grabbed ahold of his ankles and pulled him back out. I was, of course, unaware of the bed spring sticking down, and as I yanked him out from under the bed, I plowed a world class emergency-room gouge up his naked back.

Horrible thing I did #2:

When I was a teen I began "going out" with a nice, very shy, attractive but not "knock-out" girl. She was my first time, if you know what I mean, and truly a very special human being. We were steady for a long time and we enjoyed many fun things together. Ah, but one day Unk, for reasons unfathomable to him, attracted the eye of a girl he had had the hots for since he first saw her lovely face, and knock-out body. Vavoom! A real babe. When it became clear to me that she was open to my advances I moved in on her like a love-sick puppy. You can guess the rest. I got caught, my first time girl was badly hurt, we broke up, and she went to the senior prom with her brother. All because I was a shitheel and cared only about my self, and my pecker.

Horrible thing I did #3:

We were a wild bunch of tykes in our neighborhood. At about the same age as I was in the above farting incident, "our side" was one day having a rock throwing war with the kids from across the "field". Trash can lids held as shields, rocks thrown at the "enemy" with gusto, injuries, crying, etc. Well, my aim was untrue that day, as I unleashed my missle one of the boys, a good friend of mine, on our side stepped forward and took it right in the eye. Needless to say there was quite a commotion about that, and severe punnishment for me. But the worst thing is that he lost his sight in that eye, and, because of something I did he was unable to pursue his dream of becoming an Army Ranger, like his dad. It is something that still gnaws at me from time to time.

There you have it, evil things I have done, exposed for all the world to see.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), April 17, 2000

Answers

As if any one of us is exempt from the foibles of youth....

-- Ken Decker (kcdecker@worldnet.att.net), April 17, 2000.

Your trip down memory lane sounds all too familiar, thanks for sharing. She went to the senior prom with her brother? Ah, was this by chance in West Virginia?

-- Sifting (through@the.rubble), April 17, 2000.

You are forgiven, my son.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), April 17, 2000.

To all the girls I've kissed before...

Whiskey River take my mind!

-- Swampthing (in@the.swamp), April 17, 2000.

With my 'history' I'd call you SAINT Uncle Deedah.

-- brock gannon (brockgannon@gnc.net), April 17, 2000.

An eye for any eye?

Oh go on..if you really felt bad, you'd gouge one of your own eyes out. =)

-- cin (cinloo@aol.com), April 17, 2000.

Deedah, you certainly have been a prick, haven't you.

Odd, I don't see how you have changed any. Does keyboard sex count as infidelity?

-- (Some @men never .change.), April 17, 2000.

Uncle,

If I was to ever "entertain" the idea to introspectively peruse my history of life, this would be a very lame list.

I recognize I haven't always been the best: friend, brother, son, co- worker, cousin, nephew, grandson, or associate. I've learned as I went, the last thing I want to do is rehash my past faults.

I haven't been real attentive here lately, someone must have been a touch too critical of you recently for you to feel the urge to respond and "bare your soul", so to speak. Ignore them, this is only the internet, turn on, turn off. On this forum, we never have the opportunity to see facial expressions, body language, or hear the little nuances in voice we experience in our day to day lives.

Personally, I know I "need" all of these to have an understanding of the person I'm conversing with, this medium doesn't provide these subtle clues, so I take it for what it's worth. Obviously, I accept it for what I get out of it or I wouldn't be visiting.

Bye the way, Uncle, tell us your "real" secrets!! :)

-- Michael (michaelteever@buffalo.com), April 17, 2000.

His "real" secrets would have to be censored. Child porn is not allowed on the internet.

-- (Deedah @ shouldn't be .either.), April 17, 2000.

OK Unc

If you gouge one of your eyes out like cin sugessted

Please postn it for all to *see*

-- Swampthing (in@the.swamp), April 17, 2000.

Michael,

someone must have been a touch too critical of you recently for you to feel the urge to respond and "bare your soul", so to speak.

Nah, I'm just getting into the spirit of "Days of our Forum". Anita shared one of hers on another thread, maybe you should "one-up" me with a better one from your past.

Deedah, you certainly have been a prick, haven't you.

Odd, I don't see how you have changed any. Does keyboard sex count as infidelity?

-- (Some @men never .change.), April 17, 2000.

Not if your wife holds the keyboard while you....

Oh go on..if you really felt bad, you'd gouge one of your own eyes out. =)

-- cin (cinloo@aol.com), April 17, 2000.

If you gouge one of your eyes out like cin sugessted

Please postn it for all to *see*

-- Swampthing (in@the.swamp), April 17, 2000.

OK, I'll do it. I'm sure that it will make me feel better...

.

.

OUCH!

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.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Yep, that feels A LOT better.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), April 17, 2000.

I'll not hold those dastardly deeds against you Unc. BUT... do you now, or have you ever in the past, run with scissors? (Be honest!)

-- CD (costavike@hotmail.com), April 17, 2000.

CD,

Not only have I run with scissors (GASP!), thus tempting fate to "put my eye out", but I've also stood in front of the refrigerator holding the door open for an inordinate amount of time, resulting in "air conditioning the entire neighborhood".

Likewise have I forgotten to close the apartment door in the winter, thus "heating the entire neighborhood".

I have also left the lights on in a room after I left, even though my Dad was not, in fact, "the electric company", nor was he "made out of money". Apparently, "money doesn't grow on trees" either. Oh the horror.

On the plus side, I never did "break both my legs" and "come running" to my Mom (yes, even at an early age I called her on that one), and I have been known (on occasion) to "play well with others".

Ah, redemption.

Good to "see" ya, CD.

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), April 17, 2000.

LOL. Good to see you again too, Patricia. Hope you're enjoyin' life in Vegas. If ya ever make a run down to Laughlin, drop me a note.

-- CD (costavike@hotmail.com), April 17, 2000.

Hey Pat! Are you still lap dancing in Las Vegas? Where's Doc?

-- (Kiss@me.baby), April 17, 2000.

I guess I fall somewhere in between Unk and Patricia, although I bet if you pressed Patricia she'd admit to drinking out of the carton. Of course I'm not dead yet, so I COULD catch up.

I'm curious to learn if your friend got a false eye, Unk. My oldest daughter went to Pre-School through 2nd grade with a girl who had a false eye. I think her mom said she had cancer behind her eye as an infant. Anyway, Genevieve's eye would pop out in gym class all the time. She'd run after it when it rolled away, and in a manner much like little kids who pop gum into their mouths after a truck has run over it, pop it back into her eyesocket.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), April 17, 2000.

Anita,

Sure did -- until Mom very cleverly cured me of that habit when I was about 5 or so. She decided it would be one of Life's Greatest Lessons to leave a carton of spoiled milk in the refrigerator.

Needless to say, it worked like a charm. I haven't "drank out of the carton" to this day. It's definitely a taste that stays with you forever. Yech.

CD,

Haven't been to Laughlin yet, but it's on my list of "places I want to see in these here parts". I'll let you know if we make it your way. I love it here -- weather's great, scenery's great, fun place. Where else can I look down the block and see palm trees -- with mountains in the background? (Yeah, I know, Hawaii. This is as close as I can get right now [g].)

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), April 17, 2000.

Hey, Pat.

I saw your fat ass shake like a palm tree in a 30 mph wind once.

-- (Lap Dancee@ fart.bubbles.com), April 17, 2000.

No Anita, I hit enough of the bone to keep him from losing the eye completely. But it never looked quite right again, sort of cross-eyed.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), April 18, 2000.

Now that had to hurt!

-- Swampthing (in@the.swamp), April 18, 2000.

Uncle, put your eye back in. Your friend might have been killed in Vietnam if he had become an Army Ranger. Feeling bad about it is a good thing if it brings you to positive action -- I presume you're more careful with rocks? You could donate your corneas upon your death. I accidentally scarred a little girl's face for life when we were both about 10 years old.

-- helen (home@the.farm), April 18, 2000.

Unk I'll keep an eye out for you when I'm in your neck of the woods.

-- cyclops (sdavis@...ed), April 18, 2000.

To the high school prom with her Brother,

Did go Uncles distraught jilted lover,

Deedahs actions were lower than dirt,

This poor lass he did certainly hurt,

Now her Sisters are calling her Mother.

-- Ra (tion@l.1), April 19, 2000.

Ra,

Please tell me one of your 'sad things you would rather forget' storys, my limricking is getting rusty.

Touche`.

Lemme see here... OK, here's one:

...

T'was a time when my brother once fled,

to save his life he went under the bed.

I by his legs pulled him out

And heard a pain induced shout,

"Mom, It wasn't my fault" I then pled.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), April 19, 2000.

HORRIBLE THINGS I HAVE DONE.......

TOO MANY TO MENTION. *sigh*

Onto real life now gotta go, places to go, people to annoy......

JUST KIDDING before i get jumped on....(smile)

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 19, 2000.

the forum is becoming a confessional

yes i never thought of actually farting in my brother face when we were kids, I can think of the number of times when our fights nearly caused drastic injury but fortunately didn't

-- richard (richard.dale@onion.com), April 19, 2000.

Why not start one on "Horrible things siblings have done to US?"

My sister would LOVE it after I tell ALL on the net how she once threw a yellow pages phone book and hit me in the nose and it bled.

My nose, not the phone book, or the time she tripped me into a brick wall and I was unconcious? Ended up in ER...

Back then guess it was ok just plain ol sibling rivalry...today it is Domestic Violence. Go figure

Ok, I once put her out of my car in a gas station about 1/2 hour from my house and left her there with no ride...

Hey, paybacks are AWFUL....

----consumer who is Up tooo early for vacation

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 19, 2000.

Oh shoot sister just reminded me it was more like 45 minutes from home. Oh she wants me to 'include' the time it was about 3:00 a.m.

PS she wants the addy to this forum so she can get me back.....

Consumer who's California Sister is LEAVING today to go home....

------any suggestions on what I can do to her BEFORE she leaves?

LOL

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 19, 2000.

Uncle Deedah,

In keeping with the soap opera theme of late, I too shall bare my soul for all the world to see.

The earliest memory I have is when my brother, sister and I used to "ride horses" on the kitchen cabinet doors. I was up one morning and decided to "ride" after my father went to work and before my mother, brother and sister got up. My "horse" broke while riding. I went in my brother's room and got him up then went in my mother's room, woke her up and told her that my brother broke the door. He said he didn't do it but was punished anyway. I never told the truth about it until my twenties.

My sister and I used to share a room. When we became teen-agers (I am the oldest) I hated it when I wanted to be alone and she insisted on coming in. One day when she tried to get in I slamed the door on her catching her head between the door and door jam. As we struggled I think she took quite a few hits between the two. She got real dizzy for awhile, was bleeding and ended up with a black and blue that was frightening. My father "exiled" me to the attic.

My sister and my mother always got along great and often went shopping together. My mother and I never seemed to be able to get along. When I started driving I invited my mother to go shopping in an effort to try. We started arguing in the store and separated. I went to my car and drove home leaving her in the store. To this day I have no idea how long she was there and who picked her up. No one will tell me.

During my junior year in high school I made plans to go to the prom and the shore with my "steady" of a year. Another young man from another school asked me to his prom and the shore trip afterwards. He was quite the "Italian stud" and did the best Elvis I've ever seen! I told him yes. My parents said both proms were ok but only one shore trip. I told my steady the standard "I'm not sure what I want" but he still wanted to take me to my prom. He did but I chose the shore week-end with "Elvis". It doesn't end there. "Steady" wanted me to wear my hair up and "Elvis" wanted me to wear my hair down. Guess what I did!!!!

But paybacks are a bitch.

My brother caught me one night in an "establishment" I should not have been in. He told my parents and they took my car for awhile.

After leaving my mother at the store my father took my car again for awhile.

On another occasion when I "lost" my car my parents offered it to my sister for the interim. She accepted gladly and every day waved my car keys in my face.

It's a running joke in my family that I didn't have my car more than I had it.

As concerns the two young men..."Steady" met someone else at a party I was supposed to go to with him to "celebrate" our getting back together. The problem was I "forgot" I was supposed to go because I was "partying" across the state line with others. Steady and my father were close so of course when Steady told my father (for my own good) I lost my car.

And I never did go to the shore prom weekend with Elvis. You see he told me what attracted him to me was "my legs in my cheerleading uniform" but at the prom was a girl with hair down to her waist...Later when he dropped me off he said he'd be back at 8 AM for the shore. I told him don't bother. The next morning I told my parents our plans had changed. We were taking my car to the shore and I was picking him up. I went to upstate NY with friends and got into an accident with beer in the car. I lost my car while it was being repaired and also for a period of time (loooong) after that!

I met my next steady soon after that. I could tell you the things I did that caused my ex-steady and and my new current steady to get into a fist fight at a bar sending one to the hospital and how "Elvis" who was there also was involved....but I won't. I think that one was about a month without my car.

-- Debra (whomissedher@car.com), April 19, 2000.

It's a wonder that you remember how to drive.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), April 19, 2000.