The link is Only the lonely Deals with internet use and its effect. Doesn't agree with other articles that I have read.

Best wishes,,,,

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), April 16, 2000

Answers

Interesting post. I thoroughtly enjoy chatting and arguing with all of you, and not because I'm lonely. I've always enjoyed long periods of solitude and non-stop reading orgies, and the net provides social encounters that suit me fine. Here's why.

First, two of my best friends have died within the past ten years. My best friend who's still kicking, works long hours, full time, and her leisure time is scarce. Another good friend, is still working too, and her job requires that she travel a good deal, so we see each other when we can, or when it is convenient for her. So my time with friends is limited.

Most of my familiy lives at least 750 miles away and with 9 cats and 4 dogs, it's hard to get away. We've had two different house & pet sitters, but both moved away. So here I sit, surrounded by dogs and cats, pecking away.

My husband is a wonderful man and companion. But he is not interested in conversations about evolution, religion, Y2K, death, or anything of a philosophical nature. Politics yes, but since we agree on the subject, there's not much to talk about.

But, I find that I have discussions with people on the internet that I never have with people I see all the time. Most people do not care to discuss religion or death at any time. Some of my friends are totally disinterested in politics. (I'm amazed at this.) Some acquaintances we know, only want to talk about their ailments, their grandchildren or what TV shows they watch. Some people only want to shop, and I'd rather do anything than shop.

So I guess that's why I like talking to people on the net. Also, I can log on early wearing my bathrobe and slippers, sipping coffee and looking like death warmed over, while enjoying the posts that have been added the night before.

I also met a very nice woman on the net, who just happened to live in a city about 75 miles from me. We've met, had lunch and really enjoy each other's company.

Besides, where else could I meet nice, bizarre, hilarious, sweet, cantankerous, optimistic, good-natured, macho, sanctimonious , grouches, fools, pussy cats, curmudgeons, malcontents, peace makers, ant hill kickers, bible thumpers, pompous, happy, silly, discontented, geniuses and dolts, but on here--and all at the same place. It's my neighborhood bar without having to leave the house.

Hooray for the net.

-- gilda (jess@listbot.com), April 16, 2000.

Hooray for you, Gilda,

I just had brunch with my mom, and for the life of her, she can't understand WHY I spend so much time in this chatroom! I told her I "talk" to these people every day, sometimes a couple of times a day, and I don't even do that with my real/time friends. I know some of the people here better than I know my two girlfriends that I've known for years! Besides, there are women here (you, Chris, Eve, cin, flora, and a few that I think have left) that I like better than my r/t girlfriends, and I'd rather read what you write, than listen to what they say.

Additionally, there are some men here, that I have a tremendous amount of respect for, and I look forward to reading what they have to say. Flint, FutureShock, Z, Capnfun, and tc are all very intelligent men, and I don't know that many interesting men in real life. Most of the men I know talk about accounting, or machines, or other subjects I don't particularily care about.

Also, all of us have a shared history, (even me and my trolls) and I think that's why we keep coming back to visit. I would feel the loss every bit as much if you, or any of those other people that I just listed died, Gilda, as I would any of my neighbors or girlfriends.

Hell, no. I'm not lonely. I do have real life friends, I have you people here, and I even met my future husband online. The person that wrote that article needs to experience what we do before they judge us!

Hell, I think we should send this thread to the writer.

~*~

-- (Ladylogic@...), April 16, 2000.

FWIW, My 2",

Would the lonely be lonelier without the net? And would the lonely seek out real time friends and interests to replace it if it suddenly vanished?

I find myself in much the same shoes as Gilda,in that 99.9% of the people I'm friends with do not share in many of my interests.It's not for lack of conversation in general but the topics seem to be narrowly constrained and not as full spectrum as found here.

In real life I work extensively with the public and converse on a myriad of topics,most of which are local,state or nationally driven,but still not with the diversity and thought found in a group such as this.I would suspect that real time acquaintances will hardly ever cause one to think as in depth as is called for here or to be challenged as vigorously as the posters here are more than willing to accomodate.

As with most things in life, I subscribe to the "balance in all things" axiom.

Z,

You had a good trip I hope.Did you come up with your first line of questions yet?(per our last chat)

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), April 16, 2000.

Laura,

Thank you so very much for your kind words.the feeling is mutual.

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), April 16, 2000.

Cap:

One of the problems is time; the second is a pourous mind. Remind me. I'm sure, from my readings of posts here, there are many more important people on the forum.

Monday, I must fly out to discuss policy on GM foods. Must be back Tuesday at 8:00 am for a PhD exam. Leave, Wed for the Left Coast [although finding a connection in Wenatchee isn't easy]. If you post a reminder, I will respond from some airport. Little time to think.

Best wishes,,,,

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), April 16, 2000.

Cap:

So it can't be misread. I'm sure, from my readings of posts here, there are many more important people on the forum.

I meant many people who are more important than me.

Best wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), April 16, 2000.

Z,

I believe I know your character well enough that no offense was even considered.Good flyin'.

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), April 16, 2000.

Since when are solitude, loneliness, and isolation the same things?

I thoroughly enjoy bridge and dinner out with the "ladies of the club" once a month. If I tried it more frequently than this, I'd go nuts. No time to think; no time to do anything; no time to (chuckle) play on the new computer. Groups are highly over-rated.

The internet, or maybe I should say TB2000uncnsrd since I do not participate anywhere else, is delightful. I can chat a bit with people all over the world when I want to.

-- Pam (jpjgood@penn.com), April 16, 2000.

Kinda like a video at home, where you can hit pause and get something to eat, vs. a movie theater with tight seats and no smoking :-)

Gilda, you remind me of all the good friends I have crossed paths with through life. They are all the same. Laid back and in no hurry -- What you see is what you get :-)

The best thing about the internet is all those irritating relatives that you can ignore for a day or two before you answer! I have a sister that in real life won't let you get a word in edgewise. In chat, I can interrupt !

People that love to talk are never isolated.

-- (doomerstomper@usa.net), April 16, 2000.

Hello all-- I just read all the posts including mine. I come accross as pretty cranky. That wasn't my intention. I enjoy this place no end. And yes, I too sit in a dressing gown with coffee (and a cigarette) in the mornings and read the postings.

After all these years you would think I'd get over comments made by teachers years ago. They too thought if you were alone you were automatically lonely. I have always thought solitude and isolation were necessary. They give us time to figure out just who we are and what we believe in. The person who wrote the article really did get me steamed up.

Chatting on the internet doesn't seem isolating to me. You people are a LOT more interesting than most of my friends and neighbors around here.

-- Pam (jpjgood@penn.com), April 16, 2000.

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only person who enjoys internet friends so much.

LL, for the life of me, I can't understand why your mom, and my son, are not on the internet. Isn't it strange??? Yes, the subjects on here are much more interesting than many with friends, especially my friend on Prozac, who is like talking to a happy zombie.

capnfun, it's interesting how generalized conversation is with friends. After I made the above post my neighbor came over, we've lived across the road from each other over 30 years, and our entire conversation was about her new dog and my garden-similar to all we've have for over 30 years.

Pam, I too go to a club once a month, and that's enough! And I also think that groups are "highly over-rated." I don't even play bridge anymore, and I enjoy my time alone.

Thanks, doomstomper, I'll bet that you, and all the above, are just as nice in real life as you are on this board. And it's true, that on the board you can't be interrupted, nor interrupt. Of course you miss the facial expressions and body language, but the advantage is that you can got back and reread the post to make sure you read it right.

-- gilda (jess@listbot.com), April 16, 2000.

Laura, that was such a sweet thing to say, I feel I have to reply. Thank you. =)

I spend all my workday talking to people, it's nice to come HOME to quietness and calm (well sorta, with the kids and all). For the most part, I am an introvert, unless around my very best friends or my sister. I'm also a Taurus, so I am a homebody and like it here lots. I don't venture out at night very often, save for good concerts or to dinner, or to blockbuster, choose to stay home with my kids, always have. I enjoy it. I think the internet is perfect for people like me. It's extremely educational, social when you want it to be, convenient (I did most of my Christmas shopping online, it was so easy), and I don't call my sister at 2am because I'm having a panic attack. I'm sure she appreciates this. I just boot up and go online; it's relaxing and calming, gets my mind off of worries. And BEST OF ALL....you can turn the speakers off! =)

On the downside...I've seen internet addiction cause problems in marriages and relationship (not me, I'm a free bird) and have even seen a marriage break up over it. Apparently it's a great temptation to some to flirt online, which unfortunately sometimes leads to more. BUT it's obviously the people and NOT the computer. Have I rambled on enough? =o)

-- cin (cinloo@aol.corn), April 16, 2000.

Laura:

Thanks for the kind words. There is nowhere in the world where such a diversified group of people can come together except in cyberspace. And this BBS in particular is absolutely fascinating to me; you all make my life more interesting.

I am definately not lonely; I have a wife and my 12-step friends, but it would take a long time, if not at all, to find as many new friends who converse on such a wide variety of topics as I have found here.

It is not that I can really call any of you "friends", but your consciousness is touching my life and making me laugh, making me angry, making me think, etc..I thank all of you for bringing this entertainment into my life.

As far as I am concerned, being alone is not the same as being lonely. After all, I am never really alone as God as I understand it is always with me.

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), April 16, 2000.

Friend / 1 a: One attached to another by affection or esteem.

b. Acquaintance

2 a: One that is not hostile.

b: One that is of the same nation, party, or group.

3: One that favors or promotes something.

4: A favored companion.

~*~

-- (Ladylogic@...), April 17, 2000.

Reading all of the posts got me to thinking a little further,many of my friends have gotten on line sinse they first heard me talking about it or came over for a demo.The thing is none of them seem to be as inclined to belong to a BBS,tinker with the machine or learn one of the many skills associated with the puter,whereas I look at it as a way to further the interests I had before computing and to stretch my mind and knowledge to its breaking point.

As with most things I think that there is a "type" of personality besides introvert or extrovert that cliques with the online experience,reading your posts on this thread is enlightening because allmost in each and every one I can find snipets of them that I can relate to and see in myself.

One thing about it,even if we were lonely we're damn sure not gonna get bored.

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), April 17, 2000.

"One thing about it,even if we were lonely we're damn sure not gonna get bored."

You are so right, Capnfun. Maybe the difference between online personalities and off, is the need for mental stimulation?

-- (Internet is the @ first .wave), April 17, 2000.

Interesting article, Z. I don't know if I'm to be considered lonely or not, because I never truly understood the definition.

LONG before I became involved with the internet, I would tend to spend long periods alone. I wouldn't necessarily use the time alone to do anything outwardly fruitful either. Sometimes I would lay on the floor listening to music and staring at an oil painting on my wall of a Siberian Tiger. I would let my thoughts roam until I was in another place, experiencing who knows what, and oftentimes laughed at some of the thoughts I experienced. Loneliness, in my mind, is a function of someone who isn't readily amused by their own thoughts.

My mother considers the tendency to be alone genetic. My grandfather sat in the basement alone whenever company came. My dad [on the same side of the family] wasn't quite so ungracious, yet sent my mom and the kids to family functions while HE stayed home.

I had a neighbor who couldn't stand to be alone. As soon as her house was empty she headed out to the door to find outside stimulus.

When I was busy raising my kids, they'd ask what I'd like to do on my birthday or mother's day. My answer was always "I'd like you all to find somewhere to go, leaving me home alone to play with my mind."

Now how does this inherent tendency fit in with the internet phenomenon? Well, thoughts occur on a regular basis. I may wake up with a thought at 2am and decide I need more information. I can log on, and surf the net for facts, opinions, etc. These opinions/thoughts may lead to other opinions and thoughts, and I may even find these same thoughts discussed on a bulletin board somewhere and receive other input. It's unlikely that one's mate or neighbor would appreciate being awakened in the middle of the night to discuss strange thoughts.

Is it a sign of mental illness? Probably. Do I care? Nope.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), April 17, 2000.

Anita,

" Loneliness, in my mind, is a function of someone who isn't readily amused by their own thoughts."

I think you put that rather nicely.

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), April 17, 2000.

Anita - get outta my mind! =)

-- cin (cinloo@aol.com), April 17, 2000.

Z,

Nice post, lotza kind replies. I like it here too much. It has/is allowing me to be more open minded (ok, I'm trying)

Capn fun, gilda, cin, LL, unc, and ALL are so interesting and the HUMOR....

Better than a comedy club...anyday.

I also tend to be a home person, like Anita, like to spend time w/son and hubby.

My home is usually always 'full' of family, friends, but here is where I come to relax, get live, smoke a cigarette (ok, a 1/2 pack at times..lol) sittin in bathrobe. Hair up in a scrunchie....

Ahhhhh.....

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 20, 2000.

I find conversing, and reading the opinions and humor by the inhabitants of this forum to be highly enjoyable. Often it is more interesting than real face-to-face interaction. The diversity of opinions and spirited disagreement is entertaining. My wife just gave me one of her periodic blastsabout "spending too much time on the internet". Translation: I'm not paying enought attention to her. To be truthful, you folks ARE often more interesting! Fortunately, she and I do have a few other mutual compatibilities. Where else can I find such creative minds that utilize spontaneous verse to get their points across? Where else can I read the mental musings of people like Manny, who is probably a road-rager that just roared past me, gave me a single-digit salute, and uttered a colorful four-letter word blessing? Hawk, do you do that stuff in real life, too? Keep it up gang. It's cheaper than physical entertainment (away from home), and safer too. Who has time to be lonely? Who says we're maladjusted. I wonder what Dr. Shrink would say?

-- Flash (flash@flash.hq), April 20, 2000.

Flash, a single digit salute??? LOVE IT.....too funny.

Please post more, your humor is great.

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 21, 2000.

Consumer,

What the hell are you doin' up? Was the full moon doin' that gravity thang on the whirlpool high tide?I have heard that the jets are much more accelerated because of the gravity flux; )

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), April 21, 2000.

Capn,

I DONT 'know' what the heck I'm doing up this late. I did have surgery earlier today. Outpatient type..Doc says hormones are all outta whack.

Guess I'm in a bit much pain also, didnt wanna moan the hubby awake.

Now, if THEY were good moans, welll....hmmmm...lol, y u up so late?

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 21, 2000.

Consumer,

Had oral surgery today,took meds and goooood nap,and as usual doin' the late nighter,I love this time of night!(moans-I had to chuckle; )

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), April 21, 2000.

Capn,

Take another vicodin and DO NOT CHUCKLE too hard....lol...

Ah meds, they are wonderful things....

took the afternoon ciesta already too, am becoming nocturnal.

Sent me home, all doped up, not a good idea to try to balance checkbook on demerol.

Much easier on vicodin. (*smile and wink, hope your teeth feel better)

---hates oral surgery, but well, i'll leave this alone now. {evilgrin}

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 21, 2000.

Consumer,LOFL,

Balance the checkboo......... on demerol.....thats a hoot.

But to tell the truth I took 3 600ml Ibuprophins,adjusted attitude and sucked down a couple/3/4... Buds,took killer nap and here I am.

But you might have to tell me about the vicodin,(good as those jets? ; )

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), April 21, 2000.

Capn,

it was balance the checkboo? K dude, as in checkbook. Yes vicodin is better than demerol. IMHO... Ibuprofen, I cant take that, it makes me sic....lol....

Serious note, hope you feel much better, I DO...however, due to surgery i WONT be pooling for awhile...smile....or much else for that matter.

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 21, 2000.