On a recent thread Hallyx and I discovered that we had a mutual interest in gliding. Since that thread we have exchanged email on the subject, but it made me wonder just how many other aviation buffs we have in this group. I know that Gordon Connelly is a retired airline pilot with over 20000 hrs experience, Hawk has expressed an interest in and alluded to aviation experience, and I'm sure that there are others.

I'll start the ball rolloing by giving my experience, qualifications and interest. Then we can see who else wishes to join in.

I started gliding as a teenager in 1967.

Flew Harvards (T6 Texans in USA) with the New Zealand Airforce in 1970 -71 untill I failed a medical.

Gave up flying untill I got back into gliding in the mid 1980s.

Entered my first gliding contest in 1986 and actually got placed :-)

Became an instructor the following year.

Had a go at micro-lights, but was not impressed.

Restarted power flying in a cessna 172 just for personal transport.

Currently Chief Flying Instructor (voluntary) for gliding with the local flying club.

Total experience: 600+ hrs gliding, 190 hrs single engine.

-- Malcolm Taylor (taylorm@es.co.nz), April 13, 2000

Answers

am instrument rated private pilot. have 2000+ hrs in mooneys. (hi perf singles)

-- kermie (kermitrbt@aol.com), April 13, 2000.

Recieved my commercial in 1968 and now operate my own spray operation with an A model Grumman Ag-Cat. Have owned a 1941 J3 cub and a Cessna Agwagon. My personal now is a Piper PA20-22 of 54 vintage. I currently have 9100 hours and most of it low level.

-- John Thomas (cjseed@webtv.net), April 13, 2000.

Wow...you guys are real pilots. I'm just a tinkertoy airhead who wanted some sky under his feet and couldn't afford the real thing. I do hold an SEL license and a sailplane ticket, but can't afford to maintain either. More than half of my thousand hours are in hangliders.

Hangliding is to me flight in it's purest form (just as the essence of sailing is best experienced in the smallest craft). No pedals, sticks, flippers, instruments or licence. Just face-down, head-forward, arms in front, Superman style of flying (like in your dreams) where the wing seems to vanish and it's just you, alone with the wind in your ears, a Red-tail hawk at 11 o'clock, 10 meters off your wing looking over his shoulder at you and daring you to follow him. Launching and landing on foot and flying in the same envelope as soaring hawks only adds to the magic of birdflight.

Flying with hawks began my several year practice of falconry. Sure learned a lot from them. Like it says in the TV ads: "These guys are good."

Hallyx

"Flying is magic. Anything else is just playing in the dirt."

-- (Hallyx@aol.com), April 13, 2000.

Malcolm, I monitor aviation safety.

Hallyx, have you tried the gliding site at Cochrane?

-- viewer (justp@ssing.by), April 13, 2000.

I've been a pilot since the mid 70's and used to own a Cessna 172 in my better days (now I'm lucky to own one car LOL). I got my Instructor rating, Instrument Instructor rating and glider pilot and instructor rating. Also have added seaplane but only flew a few hours there. I used to instruct on the weekends using my own plane part-time and also for the local glider school at Brookhaven airport when I lived in NY (Now live in VA). I named my first daughter Amelia after you know who and love my middle name (gave it to both my daughters as middle names) JOY for the Joy of Soaring (book). I also was in CAP in the 80's and did search and rescue and was check pilot for adults and orientation rides to the cadets. Since become a Registered Nurse I've only flown a few times the last 10 years but keep up my ratings and know one day I'll get back into it when the money gets better. I always thought soaring was the most fun (the smaller the plane the more fun for me).

-- DebiJoy (dhaw@rlc.net), April 13, 2000.

200 hours PPL SEL Instrument Rated.

Did all my training at ADS near DFW. Love that Class Bravo.

Now just joyride mainly in PA28, but had a check out flight in a brand spankin new 172. Nice airplane, but around a dozen fuel sumps!!

-- Jesta Dumb (old@pilot.com), April 13, 2000.

Malcolm,

Always been a big aviation buff. Caused by my uncle who was a P-51 pilot in the war and bought a surplus ANG P-51 in 1955 and converted to a two seater. I loved riding in that thing.

I've only got about 50 hours on my ticket - just no time to keep flying, I'm afraid. I hope to get back into it when I retire. My brother is a pilot with about 350 hours and is always needling me about not flying, the rat.

I haven't tried sailplanes yet but plan to at some point. I've done a few flights in ultralights which are real hoot.

-- Jim Cooke (JJCooke@yahoo.com), April 13, 2000.

Not a pilot, just a plane ol' nut.

Have enjoyed rides in a Texan, Waco, Steerman, glider, helocopter, and the best of them all: a B-17. (twice, fun beyond words)

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), April 13, 2000.

Yes, I knew it.

There just had to be a few pilots among the collection of people on this forum. Its great to hear from you all.

Here's a few short ones for you...

From the Aviation Humour collection.

Controller to aircraft that just landed: "Bear right, next intersection"

Pilot: "Roger, we have him in sight"

ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? "

Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating."

ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."

Purportedly real, but I didn't hear it myself ...

(Transmission as a DC-10 rolls out long after a fast landing...)

San Jose Tower: American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.

(Heard on the radio -  Really )

Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."

Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"

Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

---

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the husband just knew when his wife said:

"Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ..."

-- Malcolm Taylor (taylorm@es.co.nz), April 14, 2000.

Malcolm, LOLOLOLOL Loved the pilot humor. MORE...MORE...please!

-- DebiJoy (dhaw@rlc.net), April 14, 2000.

OK DebiJoy, Remember you asked for it... :-)

Extracted from the UK CAA GASIL (general aviation safety info leaflet) Dec 1991.

Lady Radar Controller: "Can I turn you on at 7 miles?" Airline Captain: "Madam, you can try."

Pilot: "Golf Juliet Whiskey, request instructions for takeoff" Persons unknown: "Open the throttle smoothly, check temperatures and pressures rising, keep the aircraft straight using ....."

Student pilot (who forgot to ask for surface wind) "Please pass wind"

Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself."

Tower: "Alpha Charlie, climb to 4000 ft for noise abatement" Aircraft: "How can I possibly be creating excess noise at 2000 ft?" Tower: "At 4000 ft you will miss the twin coming at you at 2000 ft, and that is bound to avoid one hell of a racket".

ATIS Recording: "...altimeter 29.93. VFR departures advise ground control of destination and altitude and you play golf." Coincidentally, I called up right behind a KC-10 that was getting ready to go. The exchange was; Me: "Wilmington ground, Cessna 54360 at ISO (the FBO ramp) with about a 14 handicap, request tee time for the pattern." [delay.....squelch breaks with laughter.......] Tower: "Cessna 360 taxi to runway 24 behind the 10 iron, number 2 for takeoff, he's a scratch golfer." Seems that the controller (a trainee) wasn't privy to the ATIS tagline, and his supervisor got a BIG kick out of all this.

-- Malcolm Taylor (taylorm@es.co.nz), April 14, 2000.

Malcolm, Thanks so much for those hilarious hanger jokes. Really loved them. Guess I didn't hang around with the "boys" enough to have heard many of them. I have 1,500 hours flight time and haven't flown (except for 2x) in the past 5 years or more. Now you've made me miss my flying days. Ah...the good times. When I first started flying I met another female pilot and she and I were up in a Cessna 150 bopping around having fun when we noticed a bumble bee inside the cockpit. You've never seen two ladies screaming and going crazy at 3,000 feet ready to jump out that airplane LOL. (we opened the window and it finally flew out). I think we should all try to come up with some of our own funny flying tales. Although, in the meantime, I wouldn't mind more of your pilot jokes (she says as she begs nicely)

-- DebiJoy (dhaw@rlc.net), April 15, 2000.

How about your most embarassing moment?

I'm flying with my brother in a 172 out of Carson City Nevada. We climb to one-five and hear a terrific banging sound coming from the passenger side under the cockpit. It sounded like one of our wing struts had come loose or we had lost one of the gear legs. We declare an emergency and head back for the field. They've got the fire trucks waiting and we ask the tower for a fly by to look at the plane and see if they can see anything obviously wrong. The banging noise is still going on. After two passes, the tower calls and says "The structure looks fine. The only thing I see is a seat belt hanging out the passenger side door". My brother pops the door, drags the belt inside, and the banging stops.

It was a long day by the time we got the paperwork done :^)

-- Jim Cooke (JJCooke@yahoo.com), April 15, 2000.

Good one Jim,

My most embarrassing moment occured about 10 years ago. Another pilot at the gliding club had just received a new video camera for his birthday, and he wanted tovideo an entire glider flight so that he could show his friend and family just what a great and safe sport it is. I agreed to fly him in an old Rhonlerche (1961 vintage) while he videoed the flight.

The video footage when viewed later showed a perfect take-off. The position behind the tow plane was absolutely faultless, and once we released from tow the airspeed was spot on and the yaw string hardly moved. Flying alongside Mt Tauhara the video showed beautiful scenery through the cockpit windows, with lake Taupo glistening in the background. As we came back towards the airfield the video showed the instument panel, and a perfect 900' agl as we joined the circuit. The downwind leg was straight, and a perfect turn onto base leg.

As we turned onto final, my voice came across so clearly. "Oh SHIT"

The wind had picked up a bit during the flight, and coupled with some excess sink during the baseleg, the video showed a perfect undershoot developing. Also the video footage gave a graphic picture of the angle of descent increasing as I opened the spoilers fully to try and sneak into the very short paddock just short of the airfield boundry, and it showed a lovely touchdown and ground roll right up to 10' short of the boundry fence.

But worst of all, it showed us having to derig the glider, lift it in sections over the fence, and then re-assemble back on the airfield.

DebiJoy,

More aviation humour to follow. :-)

-- Malcolm Taylor (taylorm@es.co.nz), April 15, 2000.

I heard this exchange when flying to Lancaster, PA yesterday:

LNS tower: "Cessna 1234X, report three mile final."

Cessna 1234X: "Unable, we're negative DME."

================================================================

Heard in the Bay Area yesterday:

BB: "Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet."

Bay Approach: "Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude."

BB: "Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!"

Bay: "That's a good reason. 8300 approved."

================================================================

This story is TRUE: told by the pilot and confirmed by ATC.

Southend ATC: National 676 - Cleared for takeoff; report passing 2000ft.

NAA676: Cleared for takeoff; call you passing 2000.

NAA676: Southend 676 is passing 2000, climbing

Southend ATC: 676 call London 128.6

NAA676: To London 128.6 - see you on the way home.

(in the process of changing freq. 676 loses the door - yes the DOOR on a BE90)

NAA676: Mayday, Mayday, Mayday London Control this is National 676, 4 miles west of Southend, 2500 ft - I've lost the door and am returning climbing to 4000 ft and returning to Southend.

London ATC: NAA 676, roger. Are you in control of the Aircraft ?

NAA676: No more than usual !!!!

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About five years ago I worked at an FBO in Atlanta on the line. The Sales Dept. would let us ferry a/c whenever they had something we could handle, so I ended up ferrying a Saratoga out to Johnson Co. Executive about 20 or so miles south of Kansas City.

The guy to whom I delivered the plane flew me over to Kansas City Int'l in a Malibu to hop a Delta flight back to Atlanta. Real nice day, about dusk, and we were being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land......

KC Appch: "Malibu 229, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."

Us: "We've got him. We'll follow him."

KC Appch: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"

Delta 105: (long pause, and in a thick southern drawl) "Wwweelllll, I've got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though."

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ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."

N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"

ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."

N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"

ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."

N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."

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What's the difference between American pilots and Iraqi pilots? American pilots break ground and fly into the wind.

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9. Join Our Frequent Near-Miss Program

8. Ask About Out-of-Court Settlements

7. Noisy Engines? We'll Turn 'Em Off!

6. Complimentary Champagne in Free-Fall

5. Enjoy the In-Flight Movie on the Plane Next to You

4. The Kids Will Love Our Inflatable Slides

3. Terrorists Are Afraid to Fly with Us

2. Our Pilots Are Terminally Ill and Have Nothing to Lose

1. We Might Be Landing on Your Street!

================================================================

A couple of TAC pilots were flying F-102's in escort with a B-36 bomber and were chinning with the pilot of the bomber to pass the time. Talk fell to the subject of the relative merits of their respective aircraft with the fighter pilots holding that their planes made for more interes- ting flying because of the manueverability, acceleration and the like. The B-36 pilot replied "Yeh? Well this old girl can do a few tricks you guys can't even touch." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Watch," he tells them.

After several minutes the bomber pilot returns to the air and says, "There! How was that?" Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots say, "What are talking about?" Reply, "Well, I went for a little stroll, got a cup of coffee and went downstairs for a chat with the navigator."

-- Malcolm Taylor (taylorm@es.co.nz), April 15, 2000.

Glider pilots, especially hangliders, know to keep an eye out for hawks. Wherever they're circling and climbing, odds are there's good lift; we follow.

There I was in zero sink (neither climbing nor descending)100 feet above the point of a 300 foot ridge overlooking the landing area. A quarter mile up the ridge, I see two red-tail hawks clibing smartly up the face of the ridge. Naturally I head over there, just in time to watch them climb through my altitude (they have better equipment) and head a half mile further up the ridge, where they commence climbing even faster.

No dummy I, where there's lift I follow. And it was a boomer. I had climbed to about 600 feet over the ridge in minutes in the same circle as the hawks, when they left for what appeared to be even stronger lift about a half mile further on. With 500 feet in hand and a promise of more, I nonchalantly followed them up the ridge. Unbelievable lift awaited me. I had regained my 500 feet and was continuing skyward when they flew even further up the ridge.

This time I didn't wait for them to locate the lift, but followed them directly another half mile, and started circling below them in a nice fat bouyant thermal.

Next thing I saw was two red-tails, wings folded, diving to the ridge where they landed beautifully. The next thing I felt was abrupt turbulence as I encountered the 500 foot/min sink that they had just avoided. I don't know if hawks can laugh. But I'm here to tell you that these two were making faces at me as I passed by, sinking like a stone.

With no chance of return, I headed out away from the ridge in increasing sink. Didn't even make the road. Landed safely in 5 foot brush at the base of the ridge. It took two hours to walk back to the landing area.

Guess who was soaring the point of the ridge when I got back?

Hallyx

Check out the Peregrine-Cam

-- (Hallyx@aol.com), April 15, 2000.

Oh GAWD! (She says as she laughs like crazy). Malcolm and others, you are too much! Love the humor! Okay...some more from my daze in the haze...

My girlfriend pilot(from my above story) used to hang around a small rural dirt/almost concrete runway airport called Spadaros (Long Island, NY). Everyone loved and hated the owner Bart. She and her husband who ran a banner operation out of that airport. When they got bored they would take (I can't remember exactly which species of the insect world they would use but I think they were) horseflies and stick them into the refrigerator for a few moments to anethetize them. Then they would tie thin thread to them and tiny bit of paper to look like banners and attach them to the bugs. So when the owner would come into the shack he would see a bunch of insects with banners attached to them flying around that said "Bart Sucks" or other funny stuff. (Hey, what do you expect from pilot humor LOL)

-- DebiJoy (dhaw@rlc.net), April 15, 2000.