I confess, I used to be one of those telemarketing monsters. If you want a telemarketing firm to stop calling you, use these words: "Take me off of your calling LIST." You must use the word "list". Legally they can't call you back if you say it that way.

When a telemarketer has a call on the screen, the responses are catagorized by number..."wrong number", "not at home", etc. If you ask to be taken off of the calling LIST, the telemarketer must enter that call into the "do not call back" catagory.

-- Ben Dover (andcr@cka.smile), March 17, 2000

Answers

I've have another way, just say "You pain in the gass, why don't you get a real job. They usually say what? and then get ticked.

-- Joe (nolike@telemarket.net), March 17, 2000.

The above technique will only get you off THAT company's list.

If you want to be removed at a nationwide level, call the Direct Marketing Association of New York in New York CIty(sorry, I do not have the number handy) and ask them to connect you with someone who can put you on the do not call list, also known as the DMPS and other variations.

The receptionist will know what to do.

Also, you can block calls on your home phone from people who will not identify themselves. Look in your local phone book to see how to do this. All call centers block their numbers so if you are using caller ID you cannot see that it is a solicitation.

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), March 17, 2000.

Actually I think the magic phrase is "Add this number to your do-not- call list."

More info available on this site

-- Mikey2k (mikey2k@he.wont.eat.it), March 17, 2000.

Answer: Place receiver back onto cradle... works for me...

Having done telemarketing in the past,,,,, way long ago, I never heard of 'take me off the list'. Being it was so long ago, we used the hanes criss cross directory. Shoot with called id nowadays, I'm suprised this is an issue. Still, I find simply saying no thanks and returning the phone onto the receive is still the best option. It is a polite option as well. Although nobody likes to get hung up on, still saying not interested, no thanks, allows the one doing the call to not feel so slighted...ok, flame away now.

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), March 17, 2000.

consumer

It's the law now. If you ask to be removed from the calling LIST (you must use the word LIST), by law the telemarketing firm has to take you off of that list. While I'm always polite to telemarketers, I don't care to receive multiple calls from the same company. This is the only way to remove your number from THAT company's rolls.

-- Ben Dover (andcr@a.smile), March 17, 2000.

I like "do not call me again", click. Seems to work, at least the local paper which used to call all the time, hasn't since.

-- jth (jthres@hotmail.com), March 17, 2000.

The problem I have with the telemarketing calls is not what to say once I pick up the phone, but the fact that I have to pick up the phone at all. What if I am in the bathroom and I am expecting an important call, oh no! The phone is ringing! So I stop in the middle of my business, grab a towel or whatever works :-), wrap it around myself and run to the other end of the house, lift up the phone only to hear "HELLO IS THE SPENCE RESIDENCE I HAVE A TOTALLY FREE OFFER FOR YOU TODAY NOW WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN BUYING SOMETHING THAT IS TOTALLY FREE, NO OBLIGATION???" Try and be gracious then - it isn't easy. When IS a convenient time for them to call? Never.

Thank goodness for Caller ID and the fact that telemarketers eliminate themselves by calling on machines that don't use Caller ID. It's by far the best use I've found for Caller ID. Once I see the "Unavailable" displayed, I know I don't want to talk to this person and just don't pick it up. The answering machine takes the call, and since telemarketers don't leave messages I have a lot of beeps and boops on my answering machine, but not a bunch of junk messages. (It would be nice to get "Talking Caller ID" so I could solve the phone-ringing-while-in-bathroom problem, too.) Once in a while the "Unavailable" is someone on a cell phone, who almost always knows me anyway and then if they get the answering machine they will page me. (The "Anonymous" calls are usually local and are usually people who have blocked their calls. They are rarely telemarketers, so those I usually pick up.)

Some telephones and voicemail software esp. those with multi-mailboxes are programmed to handle "Unavailable" (for some people this displays as "Out of Area") and blocked calls in certain ways that you can program. There was a fantastic device called the "TINA" made by Datacom which did this and had a lot of other nice features as well - unfortunately one day I plugged the wrong adapter into it and fried it. The TINA had some problems too and is now out of production AFAIK. Also some of the Nortel phones are programmable this way. And as FutureShock mentioned, there are services from the phone company which will reject blocked calls by giving a message telling the person to unblock their number and call back. In our area, that service doesn't work with "Unavailable" calls, only with blocked calls.

But I'll try the "Take me off your list" should I ever mess up and actually pick up such a call!

-- Debbie (dbspence@usa.net), March 18, 2000.

It would be one thing if it was just the local paper calling every now and then for a subscription. Between the two of us we get 15-20 of these calls a day. Just in case I didn't mention it :-) it's one of my pet peeves.

-- Debbie (dbspence@usa.net), March 18, 2000.

I live in Washington and was told by a guy in communications to say that by Washington LAW, they had to stop calling me if i asked. I had been getting called and called and called.... and I said "it's the LAW here that if I tell you to stop calling me you have to stop calling" and... they did.

-- Quiet here now (%@&.*), March 18, 2000.

Gosh what a concept. Telemarketers not calling. I was actually starting to enjoy getting the better of them

-- Debbie (dbspence@usa.net), March 18, 2000.

Iv'e gotten alot of enjoyment from those people!

When they call I'm cordial but then ask them for their home phone number stating that I'm busy right now but would be happy to call them at home later.

It gives me a good dose of the chuckles :)

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), March 18, 2000.

LOL! One of these days I will get up the nerve to invite the Jehovah's Witnesses in for coffee, so I can tell them about my religion!

-- Debbie (dbspence@usa.net), March 18, 2000.

I'm a telemarketer and use an automatic dailer. When people ask me to take them of my list, I just ignore them. I program telephone number prefixes and it dails every number in that prefix. I have no list and my first Amendment Rights give me freedom of speech. It is just another form of advertising that people will just have to put up with, just like commercials on the radio and TV, billboards etc.

You people have a two way public communication system in your home, called a telephone. Unwanted phone calls cannot be avoided unless you have caller ID. I have been earning a real good living the last 40 years from telephone soliciting and I'm not about to quit!

-- ggg (ggg@sss.com), March 18, 2000.

There are a couple of problems with the strategy of ignoring phone calls with Caller ID's of "Unavailable" or "Out of Area".

One is that you may inconvenience friends/family calling from some area codes.

The bigger problem is that you don't really ignore the call since you have to go to the Caller ID box and see what it says. The telemarketer's auto dialers can recognize answering machines and will call you several times before giving up because after all you might not be at home.

Here's my script for one of these calls.

ME: Who is it?

ME: Who is it? (Sometimes I ask it a second time because the telescum don't connect you to a real person until someone is on the line. )

TELESCUM: Is Mr. or Mrs. SoAndSo there? (The telescum hasn't heard your question because the autodialer doesn't connect you to a live person untill it's detects you on the line)

ME: I just asked you a question twice. Now who is this? (I make it a policy not to any any of their questions, including "How are you?")

TELESCUM: This is GenericFirstName with WeScrewUm and we have this wonderfull ProductThatSolvesAllYourProblems and ... (he launches into the script)

ME (interrupting): Add this number to your do-not-call list. Never, EVER, disturb me again.

TELESCUM: I'll do that for you sir.

ME:

-- Mikey2k (mikey2k@he.wont.eat.it), March 18, 2000.

Here's what I've been doing lately:

As soon as they mispronounce my name and ask how I am doing today, I ask them if they can hold on for a second. They cheerfully say yes, and I set the phone down and ignore it until I hear the phone's-off-the- hook warning sound.

It's a beautiful thing.

-- semper paratus (here_with@my.pals), March 18, 2000.

Debbie: My 85 year old neighbor Howard got the Jehovah's Witnesses to stop visiting him in a rather novel way. He answered this door wearing a trenchcoat without a stitch of clothing on underneath. When they began preaching, he swept his hand across the front of his pelvis, hooking the coat around his fingers and resting his hand back on his hip, while saying "It's good to see ya!!" The man and his two teenagers ran like hell and they never came on our street again.

-- Daisy Jane (deeekstrand@access1.com), March 19, 2000.

got the Jehovah's Witnesses to stop visiting him in a rather novel way.

LOLOLOLOL! I'll remember that when "witnessing" season starts again. I get rid of telemarketers by telling them that whomever they want just died and the funeral is going on right now -- no repeats so far.

When my crazy brother gets a telemarketer on the line, male or female, he starts describing graphic sexual things that he's going to do to them. So far, no repeat calls, either.

-- (kb8um8@yahoo.com), March 19, 2000.

The Jehovahs...God what fun... I like to meet them with my 12 Gauge in one hand, and my cleaning rod in the other, with a "What the fuck do you want?" look on my face. The reactions are precious. Add to the scene my Rottie growling and snarling, they usually beat feet purty damn quick. LOL!

-- Billy Boy (Rakkasan101st@aol.com), March 19, 2000.

ROFL

There must be a market out there, but it sure ain't on this thread!!!!

-- Debbie (dbspence@usa.net), March 20, 2000.

For those of you who hate telemarketers... > > 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy > and you could sure use some money. > > 2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to > know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no > one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is > acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...". When they try to > get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems. > > 3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their > name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is > located. Continue asking them personal > questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. > > 4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and > I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice > ask, "What are you wearing?" > > 5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you > been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she > tries to figure out where the hell she could know > you from. > > 6. Say "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep > a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you > can do it until they hang up. > > 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends > Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends > would you be my friend?" > > 8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you > get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood? > > 9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When > they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit > card number to a complete stranger. > > 10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often > can't sell to employees. > > 11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the > receiver down, shout or scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up. > > 12. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they > will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the > telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say"I > guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer > will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up. > > 13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. > > 14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them > on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your > food loudly and continue with your dinner > conversation. > > 15. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they > could bring you some beer. > > 16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number. > > 17. Tell the telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you But I should probably > tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes." > > 18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come > on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" > > 19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak > up...louder ... louder ... louder... > > 20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD. >

-- I'm Not (buying@home.com), March 21, 2000.

Hey ggg@sss.com:

Kiss my a$$

-- Buddy (.@...), March 21, 2000.

Interesting. I tried what "Ben Dover" said just now, "If you want a telemarketing firm to stop calling you, use these words: "Take me off of your calling LIST." "

I usually don't answer the phone and let the answering machine answer, if it's someone I know I pick up the phone. Telemarketers don't leave messages.

The phone just rang now, and I answered. It was a telemarketer for a visa card. I let her give her speech for 30 seconds then said "sorry I'm not interested, and would you please take me off your list." She answered VERY quickly and speeking VERY fast "sure, call 1-800-something." and hung up quickly. I didn't get the number and could not ask her to repeat it.

So much for that technique.

-- Chris (!@#$@pond.com), March 21, 2000.

OT but one of my very favorite things to do after I've been thru countless "press 1" , "press 4" etc is when they ask me the last four digits of my SSN or zip code or whatever I say "please press one if you would like to know my zip code."

It always cracks them up.. but keep it up, make them press a key for every question they want answered.

-- lisa (lisa@work.now), March 24, 2000.