"Nuts, Buts, and Cybersluts": The screenplay continuesgreenspun.com : LUSENET : TB2K spinoff uncensored : One Thread
This continues the "Cap Slockman in the 21st Century" story, where you'll find the first 19 scenes.
Rather than subject new readers to the confusing maze of different threads which followed (with new title and the changing of forum location, etc., it got messy), I'll reproduce Scenes XX and XXI here, and present a new scene as well.
Enjoy. Or not. 8^}
[Scene XX]: Pooh excitedly flips to a fresh page in his notebook and begins writing furiously. Cut to close-up of his eyes, which are quickly darting across the words, his mind quickly arranging, editing, sifting through the thousands of choices for just the right ones. Hes under time pressure, howeverhe has decided to seize this opportunity. He turns over on his belly, posterior raised.
Pooh: Youre right... Youre always right... Cut to close-up of eyes. Hes found a good one, and quickly writes it down. I think you know me better than I know myself...
Cut to shot of Cherry lighting up another smoke. She is bored, but listening.
Cherry: In some ways, Pooh, thats true. You OK? You sound distant...
Cut to Pooh. Hes found another one, and is writing it down.
Pooh: Well, Im multitasking. Like the sound of that word... Makes me feel like Im doing important stuff... Which I guess I am...
Cherry: Are you on the computer? Watching TV?
Pooh: No. Mind if I ask you a question?
He writes down another entry.
Cherry: Course not, sweets...
Pooh: This is serious, but I wanna do it my way, so try to pay attention, OK?
Cut to shot of Cherry, rolling her eyes as she takes another drag.
Cherry: Im listening, Pooh.
Pooh: OK. Think about it before you say anything though. OK?
Cherry [Already growing impatient, but playing along]: Give me something to think about first...
Pooh [Quickly scanning, trying to decide which one to start with]: OK, OK... "Warm my oily lure"? [Checks it off his list, adds another entry while waiting for Cherrys response]
Cherry: Uh... Is it cold?
Pooh: Cmon, I said this was serious. It might help if you write it down...
Pooh: Think about it... "Your wily Mr. Male"?
Cherry: Oh, I think I get it... Hold on while I grab a piece of paper...
She scans the area for pen and paper. Shell play along for a bit.
Pooh [Smiling broadly]: Good, good... OK, this ones a question and an editorial comment, but still write it down, OK?
Cherry [Having found the needed items starts to write, cigarette now dangling and eyes squinting from the smoke]: Sure...
Pooh: "Allure my rim? Yow!!" Got it yet?
Cherry: Not yet, Pooh. Still on your oily lure...
Pooh: God, youre sexy... Let me know when you get it, OK?
Cherry: OK, Pooh. But you know Im not very good at this stuff...
Pooh: This shouldnt be hard. Really. "Aye"Thats "A-Y-E"[In mock Cockney accent] "Aye, Ill worry, mum".
Cherry: Can you give me a hint sugar? Im not seeing anything, and youre going too fast for me.
Pooh [Smile has faded now, as he grows impatient]: Just keep writing, Im sure youll get it eventually... "Im your warm yell"...
Cherry [Smiling, but frustrated, extinguishing her butt]: You sure are, hon...
Pooh: Youre not being serious...
Cherry: Sure I am. This is hard, though... Give me a hint.
Pooh [A hint of anger in his voice]: No! Cmon, this isnt that hard, and if I help you out, itll spoil it for me... [Writes down another discovery, then crosses it out] I want you to remember this...
Cherry [A bit excited]: Youve repeated "your" and "warm". Does that mean Im warm?
Pooh [Swallowing his growing anger]: No... Youre cold, in fact. I think youre missing the point here... You realize these are anagrams, right?
Cherry: Right... Thats a hint, thanks.
Pooh [Incredulous that she hasnt realized what should have been obvious, raising his voice ever so slightly]: "Roar my wily mule"!!
Cherry: No need to get rude...
Pooh: No! Write it down!! ARGH!!!
Cherry: Oh... Sorry... Is there an e in wily?
Pooh [Barely able to contain his anger now]: NO!!!
Cut to wide shot of Pooh, who is now standing on the bed. He throws down his notepad in disgust, and starts to hyperventilate. He takes a deep breath before continuing.
Pooh: One last chance, OK? "Im Mr., youll weary". Cmon now, Im handing it to you... THINK!!
Cherry: Youre right, Pooh.
Cherry: Im weary. I give up. Either give me a hint or Im not playing this silly game any more...
Pooh [Screams in aggravation and anger]: You stupid BITCH! WILL YOU MARRY ME?!?!?!
[End of Scene XX.]
[Scene XXI]: Cut to close-up of Sadie, eyes quickly opening from her slumber. The memory of the previous night comes flooding in quickly, and her expression turns quickly to rage. She turns quickly, expecting (hoping?) Cap to be asleep next to her. He is nowhere to be seen. She is furious now.
She quickly but silently bolts upright, her purple paisley nightgown tight against her now sweaty body. She opens the outer zippered compartment of her suitcase. The knife is right where she expects. She grabs it, and spies Cap, his back to her, busy typing.
Hand-held camera follows her from the rear as she readies to pounce, knife raised.
Cut to close-up of Diana, ripping off her eye shades, breathing rapidly, sweat on her forehead and neck.
NOTE TO PRODUCER: This part is tailor-made for Gillian Anderson, but she may be tied up with the Hannibal project. Frances McDormand, perhaps?
She checks her watch. Its only 8:45. Shes exhausted, but her "vision" wont allow her to go back to sleep. She glances at the row of monitorsSadie is still asleep, and Cap is busily typing. She decides to take a quick shower. She wants to let Ed know shes awake first, though. She reaches for her two-way radio. A faint click is audible.
Diana: Come in, Ed.
Cut to Ed, who is in the coffee shop with Agents #2 and #4. He interrupts their conversation by raising his index finger and grabbing his radio from his belt clip.
Ed: Cant sleep?
Diana: No. Can we have a 10 oclock briefing? Shes still sleeping now, but should be awake by then.
Ed: Sure. Half hour enough time?
Diana [Sighing]: You know it isnt, but thats all Ive got, right?
Ed: Yup. See you in the rooms at ten.
Diana: OK. Oh, and Ed?
Diana: I need to meet with you privately first for a few minutes, OK?
Ed: Bad dream?
Diana: You could call it that... You know me pretty well by now, huh?
Ed: See you soon.
Diana: Thanks, Ed.
She places the radio down gently, rubs her eyes with the back of her hands, and slowly makes her way to the shower. Cut to close-up of Sadie, as her eyes open quickly. Her rage is unmistakable.
[End of Scene XXI.]
[Scene XXII]: Zoom out from close-up of Schmuck on diploma. Cut to Pooh, who storms into the office hung over, sweating and hyperventilating.
Pooh: She cant do this to me!
Schmuck [Trying to establish eye contact unsuccessfully]: Why dont you have a seat, Pooh, and tell me what brings you back here.
Pooh [Pacing, avoiding eye contact]: The bitch hung up on me!!
Schmuck: I see. Who are we talking about?
Pooh [Makes fleeting eye contact and flashes an angry look]: We arent talking about anything, are we? God, I hate it when you people do that.
Schmuck: Im trying to find out where you are, Pooh, so that we can talk. Is that OK? Isnt that why were here?
Pooh: No! Im here to talk, you are here to listen. [Mockingly]: Is that OK?
Schmuck: OK. Mind if I take some notes? Ill probably ask a few questions too, if thats OK with you.
Pooh [Still pacing]: Knock yourself out That bitch!! Why doesnt she call? She knows I hate to wait for her call.
He pauses, expecting Schmuck to interrupt. He glances in Schmucks direction. Schmuck is quietly writing, and appears confused but only mildly interested. He reaches into his back pocket and withdraws a folded scrap of notebook paper. He hurls it at Schmuck.
Pooh: In case you were wondering who Im talking about.
Schmuck gestures to the paper, asking permission to unfold it. Pooh nods and grunts. He grabs a nearby Kleenex and wipes his sweaty forehead and upper lip. Cut to tear-stained paper, which has BRING BACK MY CHERRY TO ME centered across the top. Schmuck studies the list:
BRING THY MERRY COMEBACK (Hurry up, God dammit!!)
BRING THE MEMORY BACK`CRY (How can you do this to me?!)
MERRY MOCKERY, BITCH! BANG!!! (Dont make me do it!)
Schmuck [Looking up from the list]: Pooh, tell me more about Cherry.
Pooh [Stops and stares incredulously, still breathing rapidly]: What the hell do you think Im doing?
Schmuck: Well, youre obviously upset, but youre not telling me why Cherry hasnt called, or why she hung up, or who she is, at least not in the manner Im accustomed to hearing. You love her, I assume? Why dont we start there? Maybe itll be easier if you have a seat and try to calm down.
Schmuck spreads his hand, palm up, at the chair. Pooh collapses into the luxurious leather. He cant bear to look at Schmuck. He slumps forward and begins to cry, and buries his head in his hands.
Schmuck: I must admit, Pooh, that Im concerned for Cherrys safety, based on your demeanor and writings.
Pooh [Angrily]: Of course I love her!! How the hell could I hurt her?! I dont even know where she lives, you idiot!!
Schmuck: I see Well, I need to inform you, just so you understand, the ethics of my profession require that I report threats and the like. Are you aware of that?
Pooh [Rising from the chair]: What threats?! Gimme that!! [He snatches the list from Schmucks hands] Youve seen enough!!
Schmuck: Im sorry, Pooh, but I had to make my position clear Tell me what happened thats gotten you upset. If shes not in any danger, whatever you say stays in this room. OK?
Pooh remains standing, deciding whether to sit or to talk further. He finally makes eye contact, and decides to trust Schmuck. He slumps back into the chair and takes a deep breath.
[End of Scene XXII.]
-- just a bored (firstname.lastname@example.org), March 09, 2000
Hmmmm. The "`" in the "BRING THE MEMORY BACK`CRY" was an arrow formed by two dashes and a greater than sign ("-->") which apparently got butchered in the translation from word processor. Humble apologies.
-- just a bored (email@example.com), March 09, 2000.
just a bored,
You just wasted my time. That was REALLY boring!
-- (firstname.lastname@example.org), March 09, 2000.
A new day is dawning get over the past, or you will be locked there in the past!
-- ET (email@example.com), March 09, 2000.
you do really need to get a life. this is not a gift you have. i would hate to run into you at a party.
so much self promotion between you and the vidprof. move on people.
-- yawnna (firstname.lastname@example.org), March 10, 2000.
just a bored,
Don't let the trolls get you down. People with so lilttle going for themselves need to try to tear others down to their own level.
-- bored of the moldy troll(dys) (Funky@Chunky.Sunky), March 10, 2000.
bored of the moldy.....
This isn't a troll issue. It's just the fact that this "screenplay" or whatever it is is boring and it sucks.
-- CJS (email@example.com), March 10, 2000.
wah, huh? me a troll? i don't think so. but i do dislike the self promotion aspect of several posters who are hoping to make a buck off a most excellent phenomenon. it would be nice if these people had more talent to do this.
-- tt (firstname.lastname@example.org), March 10, 2000.
Everyone's a critic... Hey, I'm bored too, so let's ask for a refund. 8^}
[Scene XXIII]: Close-up of Sunshine, yawning as she makes her way to the bathroom. She stops herself short, surprised to find her mother and Git, her cat, asleep on the sofa. An idea forms, and she smiles.
Cut to close-up of Git as she is rudely awakened and cast aside by a serving tray. Sunshine has poured a bowl of cereal and milk and a glass of juice. She is happy to serve and eager to see her mothers response. She gently nudges Cherrys shoulder and leans close to her ear, careful not to spill a drop.
Sunshine [Whispering]: Gmorning, sleepyhead.
Cherry [Still sleeping]: Huh? Pooh?
Sunshine [Tries unsuccessfully to restrain her giggling, and starts to tickle Cherrys nose]: Its me, silly. Time for breakfast.
Cherry [Now awake, but eyes still closed]: Gimme a minute, OK sweetie?
Sunshine [Laughing, impatient]: Momma, I already made it for you.
Her eyes slowly open and she smiles. She sits up and offers a hug. She reaches for her cigarettes, and inhales the first drag of the day deeply. She sees the list from last night, and remembers how she rehearsed the speech to come.
Cherry [Spooning]: Thanks, hon. Youre a doll Bet youre wondering why Im not in bed, huh?
Sunshine: Yeah. You OK?
Cherry: Yeah, thanks for asking. [Takes another drag.] I wanna show you somethin, its kinda like a game, OK?
Sunshine nods. Cherry points to the list on the end table, and Sunshine picks it up.
Sunshine: This is a game?
Cherry: Sorta. Ever heard of anagrams?
Sunshine: Uh, I think so, once in school Is that where you mix up words to make new ones?
Cherry: Exactly. You did that in school?
Sunshine: Yeah, our teacher showed us some neat ones, and had us make up our own. She showed a couple I remember: Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one. Neat, huh? Oh, and Monica Lewinsky = We may lock in sin.
Cherry: They taught you that in school?
Sunshine: Yeah, whats wrong with that? We all thought it was pretty funny... Its hard to make em up, though. We had a little contest. The best I could do was bleach and [Holds nose, imitating awful smell, exaggerates sound for effect] balech. [They both laugh.] I didnt win anything, but Jimmy liked it, I think. He won with listen and silent, which I thought was pretty good.
Cherry: Well, I like yours better. I betcha thats better than I could do. Look at this, and tell me if you can make out more words. [Hands her the list. Sunshine takes it eagerly, happy to be playing a game first thing in the morning.] Ill give you a hint, though, cuz its hard.
Sunshine: OK. Wait! I remember the funniest one the teacher showed us. Youll love this one. Ready?
Cherry: Sure, hon.
Sunshine: George Herbert Walker Bush changes to [Trying to control laughter and remember] uh, oh yeah, Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog.
They both burst out laughing. Cherry takes another drag and drinks some juice. She turns serious.
Cherry: I guess theyre fun, but it seems awfully hard to make em up, yknow?
Sunshine: Tell me about it. Balech? Thats pretty lame
Cherry: Dont say that. I liked it Look at this. Dya know who likes to make em up?
Sunshine: Besides my teacher?
Cherry: Yeah, and Jimmy. [Sunshine shrugs her shoulders.] Pooh. [Takes last drag and snuffs out her butt.] He made these up last night as kinda a game. Wanna hint?
Cherry: Well, he was serious about it, and said it was a question.
Sunshine: Thats a hint?
Cherry [Eyes brighten]: No, heres the hint: Its the question.
Sunshine [Immediately gets the hint, glances at the list and slowly mouths the words]: Will you [Looks at Cherry and smiles broadly] marry me?!! Oh, my God, Momma!! Whatd you say?!
Cherry [Measures her response, not wanting to disappoint]: Well, nothing.
Cherry: I hung up.
Cherry: Well, I didnt figger it out, and Pooh didnt give me any hints or nuthin It wasnt terribly romantic
Sunshine: Are you gonna say yes, Momma?
Cherry [Looks away briefly, then stares directly at her and grabs her hand]: I havent decided yet. Weve never actually met, yknow?
Sunshine: I know, but isnt this what you hoped for? You said hes gonna get us out of this place.
Cherry: I know I did. Im not sure this is exactly what I had in mind I need to talk to him. Im gonna tell him that we need to meet first. He needs to know about you, too. These things take time
Sunshine: But he asked you, Momma!!
Cherry: I know, sweetie. I know.
Cherry starts to cry. They embrace. Fade out.
[End of Scene XXIII.]
-- just a bored (email@example.com), March 10, 2000.