Im really mad at this girl and this guy (my boyfriend). I dont want to hurt thier feeling but sometime ya just gotta do something about it. The guy said to someone he didn't like me but the girl is just a whole different story. any way i want to know how to handle the problem. please write back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-icobob pinto

-- Anonymous, March 09, 2000

Answers

What works for me is I tell myself I'm going to let the air out of their tires, under cover of darkness. You have to say it to yourself and really mean it. Then, when the nightime comes, I'm not as mad anymore, and there's usually something good on TV so who's got the time to go around letting air out of tires? In this way you can feel better about the situation without actually doing anything.

(Oh, and if you do find you're still angry when the nighttime comes, tell yourself you'll do it next week, when you have more time. That always works for me.)

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

I do the same thing! I swear to myself that I'm going to go slash the offending party's tires, and I get all the way up to the point of going out to do it, when suddenly the fury just drains out of me, and I realize it's not worth the trouble. Except one time it didn't, but I won't go into that. Either way, you feel better afterwa

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

Ah creative revenge it all depends on how close you can get to your intended victim and how pissed off you are. I would use the Nair in the hair-conditioning bottle if I was really very upset and close to this person.

If you are moderately pissed, but wanted to see both parties suffer there is always the laxative in the brownie route; I had a friend that would do this to her husband, it was effective, and extremely passive aggressive, as most revenge can be.

If you are just slightly upset, you can start a nasty rumor. Nothing that is too bad, just a little embarrassing to the victim; such as they suffer from incontinence.

All of the above are dangerous to you and your victim and should not be done without the supervision of an adult well versed in revenge.

There is the last option though, blow it off, they are not worth the time or energy.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

You can raise your own botulism with chicken and peas you can keep in a jar under your sink. You can slip it in their food, poison them fatally, and cut down your risk of a police investigation. The murder weapon is ubiquitous, no bullets to trace, no blood, no assassins to pay, no hurt feelings, no witnesses to kill afterward. Or so is my understanding.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

Despite the less-than-promising nature of the question, these replies are pretty damn funny.

[Alice: the rumor about incontinence dovetails neatly with the laxative brownies. Deliberate?]

I used to really dislike one of my co-worker's wives. She was always asking me to do her favors and interrupting my phone conversations and using my printer during business hours and taking full bags of cookies home with her out of the company pantry and using the guest login area as a place to store the crap she didn't want in her house. I had no outlet for my irritation because I didn't want to confront her and cause friction with the co-worker, whom I really liked.

Then one day she walked by my office and said something stupid, and without my even thinking about it the finger on my left middle hand (which was on the arm of my chair, out of eyeshot) jutted out. It was like Evil Dead, or a spinal-cord reaction that doesn't get routed through your brain first. Ever afterwards, when she was speaking to me, I'd flip her the bird under cover of my desk, oftentimes until my fingers ached, since she could natter on about herself even longer than professionals like are able to. It always kept me smiling around her, and peace was maintained.

So, to answer your question, Icobob Butterbean Pinto, you need to come up with some incredibly childish ritual to cope with your anger that these two pissants never find out about. That way you can feel a mixture of smugness and mild embarrassment while keeping up a facade of inner serenity.

.................................................

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

Yeah, you can fake inner serenity, like Kim suggests, or you could break the girl's neck, and leave her in your boyfriend's trunk, and let the police do the dirty work on your boyfriend for you. Better yet, does he own any guns or knives? You are so going to get sympathy out of this.

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2000

How about the time-honored letter-you-never-send? You could write a letter to each of them about all the bad stuff you feel, and just not mail the letters. Or maybe you could finish those two posion-pen letters, aign your boyfriend's name to the letter to your best friend, sign your best friend's name to the letter to your boyfriend, and mail those puppies! Sure, they'll figure it out, but imagine the possibilties in the meantime.

Kid, you should try things like this while you're still young enough to get away with it. If you don't, later all you can do is wonder "What if?"

-- Anonymous, March 12, 2000

Important safety tip on the letter you never send: do NOT use email. I've heard several stories of people who wrote up snide responses or hateful messages and just left them sitting there; when they logged off, the system asked if it should send the unsent email, and off they went...

I am wondering one thing, however... this guy, he is your boyfriend, no? As in, still? In spite of him saying he didn't like you? My experience has been that if I had ever said something like that about one of my girlfriends, I'd have bounced three times before I hit the street.

If you drop this guy like a dead fish, you need to tone way down on the reprisal stuff; dishing your current boyfriend is okay; kicking in a big way once he's out the door is just mean. Be subtle.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

I second the "no e-mail" rule because it happened to me. I guess it's not really the best idea to write letters to people you're angry at, at 3am when you're drunk. It seems to inhibit the "don't write caustic, rude, and completely jerky letters to people you purport to love" instinct.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000