OT, Steve gets a response from Georgia on his 10 simple rules:

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

Now Georgia is full of Southern boys, so any Yankee ladies on the forum who may take offense to these, please accept my appologies in advance. This is just for chuckles.

--Hokie

=========================================

RULES THAT GUYS WISH THAT GIRLS KNEW..... - If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. - Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. - One of the big reasons guy fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her. - Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! - If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. - Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. - Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks. - Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. So let it be. - Shopping is not a sport and no, we're never going to think of it that way. - When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. - You have enough clothes. - You have too many shoes. - Crying is blackmail. - Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot. - Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it! - No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. - Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. - Most guys own three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? - Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. - Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. - Foreign films are best left to foreigners. - Check your oil. - Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. - It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. - No, it doesn't matter which quiz. - Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. - If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. - If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. - Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic. - Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. - You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both. - Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. - Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we. - The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. - ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. - If it itches, it will be scratched. - Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. - If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement. - We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. - If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle. hope these gave you a chuckle......Dave

-- Hokie (Hokie_@hotmail.com), January 31, 2000

Answers

Ow! That hurt my eyes...here we go again:

RULES THAT GUYS WISH THAT GIRLS KNEW..... If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.

One of the big reasons guy fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

So let it be.

Shopping is not a sport and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Check your oil.

Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.

We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

hope these gave you a chuckle......Dave

-- Hokie (Hokie_@hotmail.com), January 31, 2000.


LOL! The reason they're so damn funny is that (sorry ladies) they're absolutely true.

I've got to print this one out.

-- Steve Baxter (chicoqh@home.com), January 31, 2000.


Yep, if Brides signed this before the Groom said "I do" then there'd be a lot fewer divorces, heh.

-- Hokie (Hokie_@hotmail.com), January 31, 2000.

Laddies, you are going to kill me yet, but What a Way To Go, I am ROTFLMAO, not a pretty sight, given my age. Thank you, for the laughter.

-- Your Grandmother (upin@laughter.com), February 01, 2000.

Hokie, That was GREAT. It made me understand the hubby better. Thank you so much for posting this gem.

-- Debi (LongTimeLurker@shy.com), February 01, 2000.


Hokie,
So how does this tie into that Mars - Venus stuff?(grin)

-- Possible Impact (posim@hotmail.com), February 01, 2000.

Hokie,

I can relate to the hair one, I was almost bald when I left the last one. It,s growing long now though.

-- sandy (rstyree@overland.net), February 01, 2000.


Just goes to prove you can't find a decent man anymore. But at least they have each other.

-- Amy Leone (leoneamy@aol.com), February 01, 2000.

Hokie, being a southern woman I'll tell you, this is so true. I said to my husband that only a southern guy would say this. You sure can not talk to my husband until a brake in a football game. I can say he has learned not to say I look better when I ask him how I look when I try to dress up. Better can mean anything, men. Pay this some attention when you other half wants to know how she looks, don't say better, say what you think, bad or good, but don't say better. This can be very, very bad for you. (Better you looked very,very bad now better.) (You look better you did look bad.) So you see better is a bad why to go.

-- ET (bneville@zebra.net), February 02, 2000.

<< I can say he has learned not to say I look better when I ask him how I look when I try to dress up. >>

But most women look better when they "dress up" and end up with less on .....

-- A. E. Newman, Madison Ave. (who@what.me.worry), February 02, 2000.



Moderation questions? read the FAQ