We need humor here, had it in the past, wish to see it here again, Vote, Please.

-- Need some humor (SYSOPS@regoing todeletethread.com), January 30, 2000

Answers

OK, try this one on for size:

MIDNIGHT:

This liquor store owner gets a call. Excuse me sir, but what time do you open your liquor store in the morning?

I open my liquor store at 9AM.

OK, thank you.

2AM:

Shay friend, I kinna forgot. Whaa time wuz it you said you open your liquor store in the mornin?

I already told you I opened my liquor store at 9AM.

4AM:

Saaaaaay good buddy, how ya doin, ole pal, ole pal? Wha time you sez you open your liker store in the monin?

Hey, give me a break. Ive told you twice I open my liquor store at 9AM, but if youre that desperate to get in, Ill be there at 8:45.

Hey, You don understan. I dont wanna get in. I wanna get out.

-- elskon (elskon@bigfoot.com), January 30, 2000.

surely heard by now..anyway here it is: guy goes into pet store,sees many cages with talking birds..all for $59.99 except for one in the corner for $199.99..why asks customer is that one so expensive..clerk: because that bird talks..i'll take him and onward home they go..next day back to the pet shop he goes and says:the bird won't talk and clerk says:did he climb his little ladder?little ladder..how much is the little ladder..$6.99 ..off he went with the little ladder..next day he's back..bird didn't talk..clerk: did he ring his little bell? little bell?yes ,he climbs little ladder and rings little bell.. i don't have a little bell..how much is the little bell?$11.99 says the clerk..off he goes with the little bell..next day same story, bird not talking..did he look in his mirror..what mirror?clerk: yes ,he climbs little ladder ,rings the little bell and then looks in the little mirror and usually talks up a storm.. how much is the mirror? $15.99 says the clerk..off he goes home with the mirror..next day he's back says: bird is dead..clerk: are you sure he's dead? bird is laying on back with legs in air..looks very dead..clerk: so he never talked..no he talked right at the end..he ran up the little ladder,rang the little bell,looked in his little mirror ,turned to me and said "Don't they sell bird seed?"

-- george (jones@choices.com), January 30, 2000.

My favorite, in this lifetime, has to do with the Three Wisemen (God, if I had half a brain) Why did the Three Wisemen have ashes on their feet? Because they had just come from a "far'. "fire." Good People. After, a fire, God's people must see the inference of language.

-- Need some Humor (SYSOPS@aregoingtodeletethread.com), January 30, 2000.

Maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots with replies from the maintenance crews [reprinted from The Friendship Letter #27]:

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement." Signed off: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit." Signed off: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough." Signed off: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't." Signed off: "It does now."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear." Signed off: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud." Signed off: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield." Signed off: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent." Signed off: "Can't reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative." Signed off: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick." Signed off: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing." Signed off: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

-- Brooks (brooksbie@hotmail.com), January 31, 2000.

Let me add two more courtesy of the German Air Force student pilots in F-4 school at George AFB, CA.

- Radar does not operate in OFFICIAL (OFF) mode.

- Radar does not operate in STUBBY mode (STBY or STandBY).

I wish I could remember some more, but it's been years since I had all that fun.

WW

-- Wildweasel (vtmldm@epix.net), January 31, 2000.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

A nervous wreck!

-- Beerman (frbeerman@juno.com), January 31, 2000.