I have only recently become a part of this forum, since I've only been on the 'net' since Thanksgiving. But this mom is in dire need of a community of (affectionately intended) "computer geeks." As I was typing in the energyland site, I mistakenly made a typo that led me to a porno site. This is the first time that this happened to me and frankly, I was horrified. Especially since the Microsoft Internet Browser thing kept feeding more and more sites offering this crap on the little screen that sometime appears. I have a thirteen year old (soon to be fourteen year old) son, who is still interested in humvees, lear jets, real estate, and dogs left at the pound. But if I ran into this filth that easily, I fear he can also. Are there any solutions out there to keep this crap off my computer (which is in the middle of our living room!) I know that there are filtering systems, but will they also edit out the sites which contain occasional profanity (such as this one)? I am trembling as I type this, so please excuse any typos. It is 4:30 am and I suspect I won't get much sleep. But I will check for any suggestions you are kind enough to offer before I head to the computer store tomorrow. Thanks for any help you can give.

-- Daisy Jane (deeekstrand@access1.com), January 04, 2000

Answers

Daisy, you might want to try:

Net Chaperone

You can download a 30 day free trial to see if you like it. Has several good features, including password selected levels of viewing.

Hope this helps.

-- (rknolls@nospam.me), January 04, 2000.

definitely use a net filter. kids' friends will send them porno (they get it in emails) if your child doesn't stumble onto/find it themselves. also check the history file and temporary internet file periodically to see if you find any names you don't like. it takes alot these days to prevent your kids from being next decades sex additicts. what a great society we have. adults look at children as their next big marketplace so they target them to get them hooked on the occult, pornography, tobacco, alcohol, and drugs! and we wonder why kids are in trouble.

also do a search and type in "christian, internet filter" because there are a couple of christian organizations that have pretty good ones that also filter out some sites that the other filters wouldn't. (donna rice's group "enough is enough" and american family online association i think?)

-- tt (cuddluppy@aol.com), January 04, 2000.

WOAH! I know what you mean!

There's so much crap on the internet I'd suggest you think very hard before letting your son on it.

While this may sound extreme, I have to say as a Dad that I am incredibly horrified at what I can access without any restrictions. A teenaged boy is going to go where he should not!!!!!!!!!! Either accept the fact he will have access to soft/hard porn. or delete him from the web!!!!!!!!!!!

Believe me, there are few if any folks who care about your kid. All the talk about "caring about youth" is BULLCRAP! If you do not protect him NO ONE WILL! He will not suffer; there are plenty of great things to get him interested in. I highly suggest you seek help with a big brothers program or boys club in your area. DO NOT THINK YOUR SON HAS TO HAVE ACCESS TO THIS CRAPPY INTERNET!!!!! HE WILL MISS OUT ON BETTER THINGS. Seek local counsel before you proceed any further.

Regards,

-- (He Who) Rolls with Punches (JoeZi@aol.com), January 04, 2000.

Sending a reply via email.

-- DavePrime (the_tv_guy@hotmail.com), January 04, 2000.

What we do is in addition to using a filter, is to have the only computer with internet access in the livingroom where there is always an adult present. The kids' personal computers are in their rooms with No access, has worked great so far.

-- Tiara (sorceress5@hotmail.com), January 04, 2000.

if he want's it and can't find it on the web....he will find it elsewhere....grow up...boys and men want to see naked bodies

-- Kyle (midtnbuddy@aol.com), January 04, 2000.

Daisy Jane,

Also be aware that persons go to the sites that kids are interested in, like "game lobbies" and start up conversations, then post nondescriptive links saying misleading things like "this is funny, you gotta check this out!" and it ends up being porn. Sometimes they stalk for reactions, and so kids get manipulated into looking and talking about things uncomfortable to them.

Also you can talk to your internet provider about e-mail filters. If you or he gives out your e-mail address, then you can start getting mass junkmail from porn sites unsolicitted, slang is "spam". So it is important to either set up an alternate e-mail that you can close at anytime if you begin to receive inappropriate mail, or be extra careful about disclosing your e-mail address.

-- Hokie (Hokie_@hotmail.com), January 04, 2000.

First, slow down, and take a deep breath. Now, I KNOW this sounds odd but go BACK to that first page and go DOWN to the bottom of it and you should find several icons which are DIRECT LINKS to at least 3 of the larger net nannies (one coincidently is called NetNanny). Download one or more of them, install them and start keeping watch.

NOW after downloading the net nanny, you will need to do the following:

If you are using IE4.x or 5.x, you will ned to click on "view" in the top line of your browser, click on Internet options (probably the bottom of the drop down menu) and select the history button on the General tab and click the "Clear history" option. Make sure that there is only one window open when you do this. You will have eliminated the track to this particular site and perhaps caught a few others in the process.

While you are being careful you also should go through the favorites file and see what have been set there.

Oh, and one more thing. When I was 14 (8th and 9th grade for me) I was a WHOLE LOT more aware than I let my folks realize, so I suggest a long LOW KEY CHAT with the youngster. CHAT and NOT TALK, as there is a difference. If he is "still interested in humvees, lear jets, real estate, and dogs left at the pound" I suspect that a comment such as "She has figured out she's sitting on a gold mine" will elicit an acknowledgement and not much more than an eyebrow raise, much to YOUR consternation.

chuck

PS 13 year olds nowadays have a LOT of awareness they have managed to camoflage from their parents. treat him in a mature manner and I SUSPECT he'll return the respect (after of course sneering and fake barfing over the thought that his PARENTS brought up "that old thing") DON'T LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR and remember to keep CENTERED!

C

-- Chuck, a night driver (rienzoo@en.com), January 04, 2000.

As an old mom, whose sons are now 35 and 29, all of the above advice is good, especially the advice about not being online unless an adult is present. The "reason" for this is that the web is like the world, wonderful in places, and so dangerous in places that he cannot go there without an adult, and there are someplaces that no-one risks going.

I would deal with the pornography issue on it's own... There are many things in life that appear to give us pleasure at first, which eventually bring only pain and degradation. Have some good discussions about this, and make sure the adults around him set very good examples of being disinterested in prime time shows that are suggestive, and by avoiding movies, etc that do not have a good moral message.

And, express faith in your son that he will work to become the best man he can. Kids like to get away with stuff, but they also want to live up to our expectations.

Make it real hard for him to get away with stuff. Constant attention to what he is doing and where he is, and with whom... If you can keep him on the straight and narrow from 7th grade to 10th grade, and he shows some sense. then you can gradually let him have a little more freedom. It is VERY important, (and most parents don't realize this) that they never be left to their own devices, after school, weekends, etc...

Being a parent is not a popularity contest, but all this done with a sense of humor and some firm wit wil

-- JGJ (housemouse@nevermind.now), January 04, 2000.

AOL has parental controls. My 15 year old son cannot access those websites under his Screen name.

-- cin (cinlooo@aol.com), January 04, 2000.

Your internet connection is not the only issue. What about those at his friends houses and the library as well. YOU may have net nanny, etc on yours but the computers he can access elsewhere may not. Also- I know that our library has no restrictions whatsoever for sites kids can access. This has been a problem as some Moms are worried when they discover their child is on chat sessions pretending to be an adult, etc, etc. while on the library's internet connection!

So.....as the mother of a teenager myself, methinks the best solution is a discussion with him as to the potential problems out there. And a set of guidelines and rules such as not providing any personal info, not agreeing to meet anyone they encounter on the net, not sending or receiving photos, etc. Your son, as will all sons, will access some level of porno at some point- hopefully later rather than sooner. It's curiosity, and no different than the boys sneaking peaks at the Playboy mags in the store or found at home when we were kids. Keeping them away from the worst of it or large amounts is important as is keeping them away from adults who would do them harm. And remind him that he can go to you for advice or to sound something out anytime he needs to and you will listen.

-- farmer (hillsidefarm@drbs.com), January 04, 2000.

Thanks one and all for your wonderful suggestions. I have tried to blend them together into a sensible strategy for this new world we live in. Like all of you parents, I am now ever vigilent.....

-- Daisy Jane (deeekstrand@access1.com), January 05, 2000.

I agree with using one or more of the "net nanny" programs. But remember, not all porn sites play by the rules, so it is still possible to get to some sites, even with these programs installed. They do a pretty good job of blocking most sites, but not all. <:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), January 05, 2000.