In regards to HUMOR disclaimer -- M.Cohn writes a satirical column for CW, but I saw that one of the "debunking" sites listed his article as one of the expert's opinion why Y2K will not be a problem :-<.

http://www.computerworld.com/home/print.nsf/all/991220cohn

What you should take to work on 12/31/99

By Michael Cohn 12/20/99 I feel your pain. Like you, I am stuck on the millenni-squad. I will be spending New Year's Eve at work, sans hors d'oeuvres. Without confetti. Without so much as a pig-in-a-blanket.

No great loss. I'm really not the party-like-it's-1999 type; half a Bud Light and I'm usually headed to the divan for a snooze. But this year thousands of my IT brethren and I will be in the office. Glued to a monitor. Hunkered down for days in the unlikely event our hardware goes haywire, databases die, or BIOSes buy the farm.

So to all of you who will be camped-out at keyboards, here's a bit of advice: Be prepared. Here are several key millenni-supplies you'll want on hand 12/31/99. Stock up now, on:

Food: Skip the shrimp party platters. You need stuff that lasts in case you're holed-up for a while. We're talking Twinkies. Packets of orange-cheesey crackers. Spam. Or even fruitcakes -- I've got one that expires in Sept '00 and if it's really 1900, I guarantee no one can taste the difference.

A television: Not for watching Bowl Games; tune it to CNN! How went the millennium in Madrid? Or the rollover in Reykjavik? But be warned: if Y2K brings catastrophe, watching it unfold may be the most gruesome event ever captured on television -- not counting one episode of Eight is Enough that really rubbed me the wrong way.

Flashlights and batteries: I'm sure your computer room has generators, diesel and fuel filters out the wazoo. But in the rare event these go belly-up, you'll definitely want to get your hands on a big, old-fashioned metal flashlight, especially useful for smacking the guy who still hasn't fixed the generator.

Deodorant: Face it, you may be there for a couple of days, and things could get a little testy by Wednesday.

Two-way radios: A must. Because land lines may be down. And the Internet may be down. And cell phones may be down. But if you have a two way radio, you can always call your colleague in the next building and maintain such critical and meaningful communications as, "Hey, you down too?" "Yup".

Cots: After a couple 20-hour shifts, you may be looking for a place to take a nap. Cots are an option. Of course, my desk chair has worked fine for years, too, especially every day right after lunch.

Business supplies: Could the supply chain be disrupted by Y2K? Will there be shortages of critical items like pencils? Printer ribbons? Those little plastic things that say "This Side to Sheets?" My advice is for everyone to overstock everything they can think of! We'd planned to remind the whole office by putting a little yellow stickie on everyone's desk, but wouldn't you know? We're out of them.

Toilet paper: Finally, it's the one thing you really don't miss till it's gone. Stock up, unless you want to resort to using leftover greenbar printer paper.

Michael Cohn will be working all New Year's weekend in Atlanta... and hopefully, so will Domino's. Contact him at mdyinc@aol.com.

-- Brooklyn (MSIS@cyberdude.com), December 23, 1999

Answers

lawyers guns and money?

-- Howard (roark@not.now), December 23, 1999.

A really really large gun in my trunk. Just like the government says, 'We Don't Forsee Any Problems But Just In Case!

-- John Malone (paranoid@mybunker.com), December 23, 1999.

Mutti doesn't find this a humourous topic as she has to work at a rural nursing home that is totally unprepared for any emergency...heck, don't even have a backup generator....have been known to have to run to the Quickie Mart in the AM for enough eggs to make breakfast !! Plan on taking two big lanterns and extra warm clothes plus plenty of changes of undies in case I get stuck there.

-- mutti (mutti66@hotmail.com), December 23, 1999.

Mutti, call in sick. This is an awful situation we are faced with. We all may to make some real hard choices in the near future. How much help could you be there with no resources. We all may have to cut our losses to keep on going. It's not our fault, we didn't create this mess. I work close to home and at the first light flicker I'm headed for the barn to protect my wife and family. I work for the local Telco/cable company and everyone else here feels the same as I do. I'm sure the guys at the power, gas and water companies feel the same. Our first responibility is to our families.

-- John Malone (paranoid@mybunker.com), December 23, 1999.

Oh, just the usual: some apples, a banana, Dead tapes, area grid map, nine millimeter with 4 magazines, .32 auto for backup...

-- J. Henry (shotgun12@att.net), December 24, 1999.